Each morning we wake up and immediately decide how our day is going to go. We may not even realize we are doing it. Notice what you say in your head as your feet hit the floor – Ugh! It’s Monday!! or, Man, I really don’t feel like dealing with these people today!
These thoughts set the tone for your entire day.
I get it – sometimes we have crappy jobs and irritating co-workers and the weekend is never long enough. We have struggles in life, drama with family, conflict with our spouse, and even deep heartache. And if you are going through these things and someone, like me, says to you, “choose to be happy,” you kinda just want to punch them in the face because how? How do you choose to be happy in the depths of despair?
In a perfect world you would start to change your mindset when you aren’t going through major emotional events. Instead of, “I just can’t face this annoying co-worker today,” you might try, “I am a great listener and people feel comfortable talking to me and I am grateful for that skill.” “I choose to be happy and will allow all drama to bounce off of me.” “I am happy.” “I am peaceful.” “I choose how I feel.” “I am going to accomplish everything I set out to at work today.” “I love my job and enjoy my co-workers.”
How does that help? It puts the power over your emotions back in your control, not in the hands of your annoying co-worker. It softens your body, takes you off the defense, and puts you in a more pleasant frame of mind. It enables you to remain calm, instead of being drawn in to the drama.
“But, my co-worker will still be annoying.”
Yes. And they have to live with themselves, don’t they? Can you imagine the things they say to themselves each morning as their feet hit the floor? It’s probably full of self-loathing and the need for attention.
When you change your thoughts you tell your mind that you don’t have to react to annoyances and drama in the same way. You change your reflex from automatically getting angry and frustrated when you even think about this person, to one of calm and peace in stressful situations.
It takes time. It takes getting up everyday and making the choice that you will be the one to decide how you feel, not others. You will be happy because you deserve it and it’s in your power to live in joy, happiness and peace.
There are times when telling yourself that you are happy just doesn’t stand up. I’ve got a couple family members that I had to cut from my life. Every interaction with them was drama, conflict and pain. I lived with a huge burden of guilt with these people – I wasn’t enough – I didn’t say what they wanted – I didn’t believe like they believed – I wasn’t ok with my kids being mistreated – I wasn’t ok with nasty comments and spiteful behavior. I knew these people would not change – and I knew that the happier I became in my life, the more spiteful and hateful towards me they would behave.
While you can shrug off a co-worker with affirmations, there is an emotional tie with family. You are vulnerable. I simply could not heal and live in joy while allowing them to be in my life. When you choose a life of happiness and peace, there will be times that you have to say NO to the drama and conflict in your life. Whether it’s drama with family, conflict with friends or partner, or a work situation where you harassed or mistreated – there will be times that you have to walk away or end contact for your own happiness and peace.
For my highest good, I had to walk away from my father and two grandmothers. And I am ok with that. It’s not mean. It’s not passive-aggressive. It’s allowing myself to be in control of my own happiness, joy, peace, health and well-being. You are right to end contact with that annoying co-worker if they are harassing or harming you. Always advocate for your highest good and do so in a way that supports your integrity. (Like, flipping out or telling someone to bugger off might not make you feel so good. Telling someone they are crossing the line, making you uncomfortable or stopping your from doing your job might be better ways.)
You can choose to live happy and drama free. Once you make the choice, and practice it everyday as soon as your feet hit the floor, you will know when it’s time to shine your light with that annoying co-worker and their drama. Your happiness may be an example for this person, lift their mood, and lessen their attention seeking. You’ll also know when it is time to cut ties with toxic people and situations. No guilt. No drama. Just make the choice to live in happiness and peace.
You deserve to be happy. Don’t let others make that decision for you.
(And, YES, I am at peace with my decision to cut people out of my life. Even when others try to put guilt on my shoulders with the “you’ll regret not seeing them” talks. I know the choice I made was what was best for my life.)
Genie Mathews 