We moms are pretty good at kicking each other around over the working mom vs stay-at-home mom issue. It’s not like we don’t feel guilty enough either way- but then we gang up on each other, instead of supporting our sisterhood.
My kids are grown. The youngest is going in to his third year of college and the need for parenting is nearly severed. (Although, he is coming home today so I can go grocery shopping with him.) So, the mom guilt phase is almost over for me. That doesn’t mean that I don’t wish that I could have been supported and confindent in the decisions I made to work or not while they were little.
I actually tried both – the working and the not working. Sometimes I even worked in places where I could be with them during the day – day cares, schools, youth centers, camps and so on.
And ya know what? It all sucked. If I was working away from home and missing games or performances or didn’t have time to help with projects – it sucked. If I was staying home to be able to go to everything and help with everything and then when they needed money for all these activities and we didn’t have the extra income – it sucked. And if I worked at their school, or ran their day care, or coached their team, or founded and ran their teen youth center – they will tell you that it sucked because I was always in their business.
And let’s not forget that all my career friends and their comments about my not working or not having a retirement or not being my own person and depending on my husband. Friends sometimes suck.
Oh, and society’s stereotype of women like me – lazy, uneducated, unmotivated, non-contributor to society. I actually had a friend say to me, “I hope you don’t sit around in sweat pants all day like those other stay-at-home moms.”
Uh, yeah – like I’m doing laundry in a ball gown? Sure. Let me buy some expensive jeans to wear while bleaching toilets.
And by the way – why is my staying at home with my kids not okay, but sending them to a germ infested day care with staff who get paid minimum wage and hate their jobs the best thing to do?
Yes, there is the working mom guilt bashing in one sentence. How could you put your child in day care?
Again, I get it. I’ve done both. And neither is right according to everyone else.
And, of course, some moms just don’t have the choice – they have to do what they have to do to pay the bills and put food on the table. These moms have the most guilt – and I am blessed to say that period of my life was only for a few years. You moms who don’t have a choice are warriors. You suck up your feelings and needs and go handle your business. This, too, sucks.
And through it all – the working, the staying home, the lack of choice, the guilt, the regret, the lack of support – what is the one thing that that most moms have in common?
Our dreams and desires are put on the back burner – and usually forgotten about forever. We begin living for others and forget about ourselves.
Yes, of course we have to put the needs of our kids high on our list of priorities. But, do they have to be first? They were for me – and then they were about to leave home and I was like, “Craaaap. Now what?”
What if we stopped listening to the world who tells us, “The kids come first. Period. End of discussion,” and listened to our own inner voice instead?
What if we decided that taking care of ourselves and our happiness first makes the lives of those around us better – including our children? What if we stopped beating ourselves up and instead took the path of our dreams and desires even while being a mom?
Sounds impossible.
It’s not. Even if you feel like you don’t have a choice. You do.
So, I’ve got this course coming out this month. I wrote it from my own seven-year journey of healing and remembering my forgotten dreams in life. I started my journey because my kids were nearly old enough to fly the nest and without them I had no life. I knew that if I didn’t get my shizz together that I would be destroyed with their absence.
This course has all the things I went through to become my true self and living my dreams. I am the happiest I have ever been! My kids see the changes in me and it has given them a sense of peace that I’m okay.
In just 12 weeks I can take you on my seven-year journey for yourself. I can help you remember your dreams and show you how you can live that life now – even if you are a mom and feel like you have no choices. I promise you that we can find some for you.
This class is for anyone who feels stuck and unhappy in their lives – from repeating the same relationship mistakes over and over, to someone changing careers and can’t find their direction, to stay-at-home moms who are getting back in to the workforce, to working moms who are unfulfilled in their careers, anyone starting over in their life, and to those who are unable to move through grieving a loss. If you feel stuck, this is the course that will help you move forward.
You can check out the info on the Vision Quest tab above (under academy).
Here is the course page to get more information or to enroll. **The Early Bird Tuition of $29 for the course is only available for 5 more days. **
Vision Quest, Journey Through Transformation
Genie Mathews 