Welcome to the launch of my new advice blog, Dear Genie™, where I answer your concerns that you write to me! Today I have selected two letters – some days there may be more and some days there may be less, depending on the letter length and my response. You can submit your own letter and concern by using the “contact” tab above!
(My work space this morning!)
Carol S. writes:
You mentioned soul healing in the types of things you talk about. What is meant by soul healing, how do you heal your soul, and how do you know if you need it? Thanks.
Dear Carol S.,
As a holistic wellness adviser, I see the body as three parts – Physical Body, Mental Body, and Spiritual Body. When I talk about the soul and soul healing I am talking about our spiritual/energy body. Spiritual, Energy and Soul are used inter-changeably.
Our soul provides our connection to the unseen, it’s our source of creativity, and our inner light. The soul gives us our intuition and instinct and “6th sense” by connecting us with something higher. Some call that higher entity God or Jesus, others call it the Universe, or the Collective Consciousness or Source or, simply, Energy. The soul is our own higher-self, which, I believe, lives on and retains memory after our earthly bodies have gone.
We know we need soul healing when we feel disconnected to this part of ourselves. As humans have grown more advanced, we have relied more heavily on our mental and physical strengths – setting aside our connection to the unseen and ignoring our intuition. This disconnect may see us having a low self-esteem, feelings of unworthiness, loneliness or being unloved; Our reactions to life will be out of alignment with our internal ethics and how we want to respond to situations – we show anger, have addictions, behave self-destructively, etc.; We will feel powerless and lacking connection to our inner voice (intuition) or we will have problems making decisions and taking action in life; We will often live in the past and dwell on mistakes and memories, instead of being focused on today. Or, we may live in fear of the future with uncertainty and doubt keeping us stuck and too afraid to make change. It’s a feeling of unrest… of being dis-eased… of incompleteness.
How we heal the soul is to open up and reconnect with our higher-self and bring about balance in our lives to become self-complete. And that takes a lot work and willingness to make changes in our thoughts and beliefs and behaviors. These are the things I work on with clients and what other spiritual coaches and holistic healers work towards with their clients – whether with Reiki, yoga, crystals, chakra work, meditation, spiritual counseling, or any number of other modalities. It all comes down to reconnecting to that part of us we have forgotten.
Thanks for the great question!
Interested in working with me 1-on-1?
Getting Burned Out in WV writes:
I’m writing this because I’m exhausted. Both of my grandparents are I’ll, and need help. My mother (their daughter) is too wrapped up in her own self pity to help them, at all. My sibling is too involved in his own drama to help – and if I’m honest, I don’t want him helping anyway because he has a knack for creating problems. I can only be there on the weekends because my son has school and I have responsibilities as a wife and mother, too. I’ve offered to come help them throughout the day while he’s at school, but they refuse. The truth is, my health isn’t the best. I have several problems of my own, and being busy EVERY DAY is wearing me down. Not only am I exhausted, but I’m in pain from all of the work. Whenever I’m there I refuse to let them do anything because I know they are in worse shape than I am, and need to rest. I don’t know how to get my mother to help. She’s not working and depends on them for most of her expenses. I feel that she’s ungrateful and selfish, but approaching her in ANY way has proven ineffective. I’ve tried being understanding, I’ve tried being blunt – if not rude. They can’t afford to hire someone because, as I said, they’re footing the bill for her utilities and life. (they just bought her a vehicle – again)
How do I find the energy to be everywhere and do everything? How do I get through to someone who legitimately doesn’t see an issue with their behavior? How do I get my grandparents to see that they are enabling her sloth? It’s to the point where she refuses to do anything – even take care of herself. She will honestly pay my brother and I to come do her dishes, or clean her room!!!
Dear Getting Burned Out in WV,
I can hear your frustration and worry for you grandparents and your mom. Your concerns have so many layers and it feels like a tangled mess, yes? Honestly, I have a pretty un-messy answer for you.
You cannot change anyone else’s mind or behavior.
These are all adults. They have the right to make their own decisions, good or bad. Your mom is not going to change until she decides to either do it herself or to get professional help to get out of her “sloth”, as you put it. Likewise, your grandparents will continue to enable her until they decide for themselves that they will stop providing for her. Unfortunately, in this case, these adults have the free will to make these choices even though you can see that they are destructive to them, and to you.
The only person you can change is you and your participation in this family situation.
So, here is my advice:
First, self-care is vital. Every day you should be doing something just for you that brings your heart peace, joy, or passion. You must fill your own cup before you can care for anyone else. Self-care is not just pampering, however. You can also work on a hobby or be creative in some way. You can walk in the woods or connect with nature. You can meditate or practice yoga. Write, journal, or read something inspiring. These are just a few suggestions – follow your own heart and passion. Take care of you first.
Second, because you love your grandparents and will still assist them (who wouldn’t help their grandparents?), you will need to set up some boundaries for what you can help with and how much help you can give – then, stick to those boundaries. This is not to punish your grandparents. This is to help you give them consistent and loving support without getting burned out. Know your limitations.
Third and final – rethink doing anything for any adult that can and should be doing it for themselves, especially since you recognize what harm enabling can do. Give back responsibility to those who can and should be responsible for themselves.
As a bonus – your changes in caring for yourself and being consistent and not enabling others will likely speak much louder and have a bigger influence on your family than any conversation you could have with them.
I truly hope that helps.
This advice is not intended to substitute for the advice of your doctor, therapist, or lawyer.