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I wanted to take a moment with this blog to personally address all of you amazing and beautiful souls who are survivors and victims of horrific trauma and crimes in your life. One of my missions in 2019 is to get people out of “victim mindset” or “playing the victim”. I talked about this yesterday on my weekly broadcast (link above) and my friend and sister in the metaphysical world mentioned during the broadcast that using that language is off putting to some – especially to people who are truly victims and survivors. I’m so glad she said something because I want you to know that I love you and that I am sending you so much healing energy in this blog and that YOU are not “playing the victim” and YOU are not the target of my “victim mindset” message. Please know that I honor and respect you and your healing journey and that I am here for you holding space without judgement or shame. ♥ g
“Playing the Victim” is harsh sounding. It sort of does imply that someone is being intentionally dishonest in dealing with their emotional baggage. It’s definitely triggering. It definitely pisses people off. It definitely puts people on the defensive. And I’m okay with pissing people off. In spiritual healing we need to really take notice of things that trigger us and piss us off because that means there is something more there for us to look at within ourselves. Being offended means there is something there – some self-belief that we need to acknowledge and address. If you are truly seeking healing, then you must look at the things that make you uncomfortable, offend you, trigger you, and piss you off and seek the truth in that emotion.
However, I’m not okay with hurting feelings or belittling anyone’s experience. From this point forward I am going to use the phrase “victim mindset” instead of “playing the victim”. It sounds less of a personal attack, I feel. My intention to help people come out of victim mindset is not to shame and blame. It is to heal. I hope you can feel the love behind this. I hope you can listen and open your hearts to healing a mental construct that is preventing so many of us from living happy and joyous lives.
So, what is victim mindset?
It’s simply not taking responsibility for your own life, your own choices, your own “weaknesses”, and your own mistakes. It’s thinking that someone else is responsible for your choices.
The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. – Eckhart Tolle
So many people have experienced terrible trauma that was out of their control. Children suffer and then grow up to be adults who still are trying to survive. Horrific accidents, crimes, violence, war, injustice – these are events where a person has no choice – no ability to decide for themselves.
If you have a choice, you are not a victim. You are a person who made a choice which resulted in consequences and outcomes. Not making a choice is a choice. Allowing others to make your choices is a choice.
And if that sounds like you, please don’t feel shamed or wrong. If you are feeling defensive right now, I want you to know that you are okay and you are loved and you are a beautiful soul who is only coping with life the way you were taught – the only way that you know.
But know that victim mindset causes you to feel powerless. It causes you to feel stuck. It causes you to feel helpless. It causes you to feel like other people are in control of you. This is a hopeless way to live! This is a soul-killing path! (Not really. You can’t kill your soul – but you sure can block yourself from connection with it!)
You simply cannot move forward and make good decisions or live life with purpose and love and joy and freedom if you are not taking responsibility for your own life and choices.
You keep ending up in the same type of relationships with abusive partners. Notice the pattern. Notice the warning signs. Notice the early behaviors you always ignore and put up with because they “aren’t that bad”. Then you can make a choice to never put up with those things ever again – even it means you are alone.
Your finances are a mess and you are very sick but can’t go to the doctor because you don’t have insurance or money to pay a doctor bill. Going forward you can choose to find a way to save every penny you can for emergencies. (You can check with hospital charity to help you on this occasion and know that your situation is why they have fundraisers and assistance available. No shame.)
*My husband and I are going through a financial strain right now because of the government shut down. No, we didn’t have a choice in this political mess – but we sure could have made sure we had the savings available to survive something like this. NOT EVERYONE HAS THE CHOICE TO BUILD SAVINGS – I know this from experience as a young mother. But, we certainly could have been saving more the past few years. Hard lesson learned, but we will be making new choices moving forward and not blaming anyone, including politicians, for where we are financially. Some furloughed families are victims of this mess, however, so help them if you can.
The biggest area of healing I want to work on with victim mindset is with the terrible things we say to ourselves. The awful judgments we have in our heads. There is no one harder on us than we are! And we feel like a victim of our own self-esteem. We can heal this. You can heal the negative talk and self-abuse!
If this is something you need and want – then come on this journey with me in 2019. If you are not ready, that’s okay too. You are where you need to be in this moment. Take your time. Heal on your own schedule. When you are ready, jump in with us and receive the love, compassion, and support you need.
Love and Light and so much Healing Energy infused in this blog for You. Take all you need.