Official Opening of My New Office

Today’s the day! 🎉✨

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I’ve been working for weeks getting everything ready to go – applying for tax licenses and insurance, putting together chairs and tables and shelves, and making sure everything is ready to go to provide the best service I can to clients.💜

I began the day with the first meditation I’ve done in the space…

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It was a lovely meditation – peaceful and quiet and really positive energy.  I hope that is the vibe that I can put out there to anyone who visits my space.  It’s a place for healing.  A place for feeling.  A place for becoming who you want to be and who you are meant to be.✌

I’ve got the highest hopes for this space and the transformations that will happen here. 💜 I have helped many others over the years with coaching and card readings and classes – and I know this high vibe space will create even bigger change for all who seek healing here.💫

If you’d like to meet me and talk about how I can help you, get in touch and we’ll set up a free consultation.  Or, set up an appointment for an Oracle Card Session or Crystal Reiki Energy Session.  Call or email me >>>  304-439-8933, geniemathews@outlook.com

My first class starts next week – SOUL CONNECTION.  I’m offering several dates for the class so you can attend when it best suits you.  It’s a great beginner level class that really helps you connect to your intuition and inner voice.

Come by and see me.  We’ll have a coffee or tea, a chat, and see if I can help you live your best life. 🌸💎💖

💜 Genie

 

Dear Genie #11

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This week’s Dear Genie is from someone upset with me.  Hopefully, this response helps clear up a misunderstanding.


Disclosure: This week’s letter was not  sent to Dear Genie but to my Facebook messenger.  I edited slightly for language and deleted a personal attack portion.  Used with permission from sender. 


Messenger wrote:

I listened to your show this week but I couldn’t disagree more.  I’m pissed. I hate this f**king president and what he is doing to my country.  Taking the high road got us in to this mess and now he’s getting another scotus because of obamas high road!  It’s time to fight with all we have.  How dare they call for me to be civil!  F**k them! What is wrong with you that you would fall in line with that!😟

Dear Messenger,

Yikes. 

First, I’m sorry we gave the message in the broadcast that you need to be civil or the way “they” are demanding. We were trying to explain that being spiritual and taking the high road doesn’t mean you can’t fight for your beliefs. 

The bigger message was a week long message on my social media, and that is to respond to life instead of reacting.  When you react, you are behaving the way external forces want you to behave so they can use your behavior against you. Responding causes you to think about your own values and truths before taking action.  This allows you to keep inline with your own integrity and keeps you from regretting your behavior. 

Second, anger can be a useful emotion.  It’s 150 on the Emotional Vibration Scale.  (See image below) It is higher than guilt or shame or fear because anger will at least lead to forward movement.  The problem comes when this movement /action is something that later causes you embarrassment or gets you in to legal trouble. 

Anger can be used in a good way…but it’s got to be done on the high road and through thinking first, then responding.  When anger causes us to react without thinking it generally does not end well and we don’t get the results we desire.

Third, don’t just be pissed.  Know what you want.  You know what you don’t want – that’s why you are angry.  Do you know what you want instead? 

Focus on that.  

Nothing will change by obsessing over what is wrong.  It’s a waste of time.  It serves no purpose other than repeatedly highlighting your unhappiness with the situation.

And, if you know anything about the Law of Attraction, you know you attract what you give energy to.  Focusing on them only gets you more of what they are serving.  

If you want change, you’ve got to fight for what you want, rather than posting, arguing, and spending time behaving the way “they” want you to behave – focused on them instead of your needs. 

I hope this clears that up for you.  I didn’t join the other side. I just decided to fight my way instead of theirs.

✌💜 Genie. 

Emotional Vibration Scale

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The Facebook Paradox

On our LIVE-CAST last night on Mixlr and Facebook, I mentioned getting off Facebook as a way to live higher vibes and take the higher road.

It’s just not practical to completely leave, is it? We have long distance friends and family, we run businesses, we shop, we even find inspiration and new friends.

But, man, it’s also such a low vibe, soul sucking, hate infested 💩 hole sometimes…. A lot of times.

Even if we block the news and unfollow friends who share politics or personal drama all day long, the 💩 still finds it’s way in to our news feed.

And then there are the trolls.  The people who argue with your point of view no matter what it is – and they don’t just state their opinion. No! They let you know how stupid they think you are and throw you the latest fad insult.

Is this daily barrage of 💩 really worth it?

How many people do you think come away from a Facebook browsing session feeling better, happier, more joyful than before they logged on?

I’m thinking few.

Why. Do. We. Stay.

Why do we stay in any bad relationship?

No where else to go.

The kids.

It’s got great potential.

If it just gets help to change.

No where else would want me.

The drama serves an emotional need.

Co-dependency.

 

If we leave Facebook we lose the kids – the connection to friends and family.  We think no one else will ” like” us.  There is no place like Facebook – it’s familiar, it’s what we know.  We’d have to start over somewhere else.  We need to keep up-to-date on “news and truth.”

It’s an addiction.  We can’t leave it. It’s too important to give up even if we come away from browsing feeling like 💩😟😭😡.

I get it and I’m right there with you.  We need Facebook and other social media like we need a phone or a car.

So, how can we stop the way our experience on the site leaves us drained, angry, low vibe, fearful, stressed, overwhelmed, and 💩💩💩?

Self-care.

We have to protect ourselves.

Before you hit the icon on your phone, stop and send love and light ahead.  This takes your vibes up higher to start.

Be mindful of your feelings as you browse.  Are you having negative thoughts?  Why?  Why are you judging someone else’s post?  Why did that meme make you angry?  Why does it bother you if a certain friend didn’t “like” your post?  Are these feelings logical or are they from low self-esteem and self-doubt?

Being mindful is just taking a moment to think before you react.  It allows you to be responsive and keeps you aligned with your values and integrity.

Stop. Breathe. Think.

This simple tool should help keep your vibes higher during your time browsing.

Aftercare is also vital.  Ground yourself with a cold beverage, a shower, some time outside, playing with a pet or your child.  Clear your chakras, inhale some essentail oil, or hold your favorite high vibe crystal.

Reorient your consciousness to the real world to get the lingering energy from time on social media off your mind.

If we are going to stay, we need to start protecting our energetic, emotional, and mental health.

✌💜Genie

  • Catch the replay from this week’s LIVE Simulcast on Facebook and Mixlr.

 

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New Office Opening

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Great news for my friends in North Central West Virginia!  ✨✨. I’m opening a new office for my spiritual counseling and coaching practice!  🙏🎉

This will allow me to expand my in-person sessions which were limited in the past because my office was in my home.  I’m currently offering free consultations to potential new clients now that my in-person sessions are available full time!  😄

Some of the things you might want to meet with me to address:

Feeling Stuck in Life

Feeling Unfulfilled

Feeling Unhappy in Some Areas of Your Life

Having a Difficult Time Decision Making

Longing to Change Careers or Go Back to School

Needing Support During a Major Life Change, Event, or Situation

Don’t Know What to do with Your Life

Marriage Counseling

Wedding Officient

Relationship Counseling

Wanting to Connect to a Higher Power

Need a Self-Care Chakra Treatment

Meditation

Spiritual Workshops too!

…And lots over other reasons that support Holistic Healing, Self-Care, and Soul Connection.

I would love to sit and talk with you about your dreams, passions, disappointments, regrets, stresses, or hopes for the future.

Make an appointment to chat with me ✌💜

304-439-8933

103 West Main Street, Bridgeport

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Dear Genie #10

 

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Today’s letter is from someone feeling stressed and overwhelmed.  I added a card drawing to this response. ✨


 

So Much to Do I Don’t Know Where to Begin, writes: 

Dear Genie,
I’ve got a to do list with a million things and my mind is going a in a bazillion directions and I just do not know where to start. I’m stuck. I’m frozen in place. It’s like I can’t move because my brain is all over the place. My friends tell me this is anxiety but I’m not sure. Am I adhd? I’m overwhelmed and don’t know how to fix it. What do you think?

Dear So Much to Do,

Oh, how I can truly relate to that feeling of stress and overwhelm!  This is why so many people find ways to tune out of life – tv, phones, alcohol, drugs.  Dealing with this chaotic feeling is hard and sometimes really takes medical attention or psychotherapy to handle.

Unfortunately, I’m not that kind of doctor and I can’t diagnose you or even suggest you might suffer anxiety or ADHD or any other medical condition.   I can tell you that it is worth discussing with your primary care physician so you can be sure.

Medical advice aside, I can offer some tools to help with stress and overwhelm so you don’t resort to tuning out and ignoring all those tasks you have to get done.

1.  Getting grounded is vital in helping you get out of your head (which is talking to you a mile a minute.) Try meditating, taking a walk, going for a swim, or find a nice quiet spot to listen to birds and watch wildlife. ☀🌳🐞🐝🐛🐢🐿

2. Take your list one thing at a time.  Multitasking can make the overwhelm feeling worse.  Do one thing then move to the next.

3.  Take a break between chores to get grounded again.  Quick grounding tips include drinking a cold beverage, having a shower, or a ten minute workout. 💪

4.  Celebrate completing things. ✨⭐🎈🎉🎊 . Enjoy a treat.  Pat yourself on the back.  Post a social media pic or comment.

I drew a few cards for you.  This is a three-card Body-Mind-Soul reading.  It’s a great spread to check in with your holistic wellness.

Card One:

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Acceptance.  This is a great card for the Body card.  Self-acceptance is the number one emotional block with people I work with.  Be aware of your physical limitations.  Know when you are starting to feel stress so you can do some self-care.  Accept these limitations as who you are so you don’t try to ignore them.

Card Two:

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The Ocean.  This is your Mind and mental wellness card.  It’s about self-care, relaxing, de-stressing, and giving yourself time to unwind.  Perfect card for you that backs up my advice above! 😊

 

Card Three:

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Release and Surrender.  This card is about your soul and your connection to your intuition and higher realms.  Worry and stress make it hard to receive messages from our soul…those gut instinct and inner voice messages that guide us.  This card says, “Don’t worry- we’ve got your back.”  Trust that the universe, angels, God, Divine Creator, or whatever you call that energy that gave you life, has your back.  Give your worry to the higher realm. 🙏

Really hope this helps.  Make sure to let your doctor know about how you feel.

💜Genie

#ChooseLove Broadcast

I am excited to invite you all to listen in for our first #ChooseLove Broadcast that launches this evening @ 8pm (New York, EST) !!!

 

This new online weekly radio show is all about talking about life and the ways we can choose to live from a place of love.  It’s a choice that we have to make everyday – maybe even many times a day. What I hope to do with this broadcast is to

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 talk about the things that happen in our lives everyday and how we can stop, think, adjust, and make that choice.

Our first broadcast will feature guest host, Jay Pinkney.  Jay is retired from the US Navy and has been a coach and youth mentor for about 30 years.  He’s touched many lives with his steady demeanor and striving to live from a place of integrity and love.

We open the show tonight with a discussion about the Great Outdoors and how being outside as kids and enjoying nature helped us get through tough times and brought us joy.

Later in the show we’ll answer a few questions from the Mixlr chat and I’ll pull a few oracle cards for those who request one on the chat platform.  You can also ask a question on this post on social media.  We’ll look on those accounts (FB, Twitter)  for questions just before the broadcast starts.

If you are part of the #ChooseLove Ministry Tribe, you can also take part in a live after-show session in our Facebook Group.  To join the tribe for free, check out our Mighty Network Group Page >>>  #ChooseLove Tribe

 

To join us on the LIVE Radio Show, click the image below to go to our broadcast page.  I’m still new to this site, but I think you can listen without an account.  But, to favorite the page, chat, or listen to the broadcast replay, you will need to sign up for a free account.

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Dear Genie #9

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Today’s Dear Genie™ features two letters.  The first is a belated Mother’s Day special for a mom who is wondering if she should become a mom again. The second letter deals with a mysterious house haunting.

If you would like to ask me a question, click the image below to submit your letter.

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Letter #1

Olivia writes:

Dear Genie,

My husband has always wanted more children. While my pregnancy was great, the epidural process was traumatic – and the first few months of motherhood were not what I had expected. For some reason people make it seem as though motherhood is magical and that you just immediately know what to do. I did not, and it was very exhausting and even lonely at times. I am also hesitant because we are older than we were when we had our child, and I don’t believe that I could physically handle pregnancy as well as before. My “solution” is adoption. I believe that adopting a toddler would be an amazing experience and give him the child that he wants. Unfortunately adoption is expensive and a long process. I had thought about posting ads directed towards younger pregnant women who are contemplating abortion or adoption, and attempt to have a personal adoption. What are your thoughts? Do you think it’s too risky? Or does it sound reckless?

 

Dear Olivia,

First, I want to say congratulations on becoming a mom!!  And, I also want to let you know that what you experienced in the process is something tons of women go through.  Giving birth is freaking tough!  We don’t just get over the experience.  Add that on top of sleeplessness, feeling yucky about our bodies and the myriad of hormonal crap, never having a moment to feel normal again – and then the isolation that follows…all the things no one tells you about and even if they did you couldn’t understand it until you went through it yourself.  It’s not magical at all.  It’s hard.  It’s even traumatic.  And when you are a bit older, it is harder to “bounce back” – especially physically.

No one knows your body and your experience better than you.  You have to make the decision whether or not to put your body through pregnancy and childbirth – no one else can do that for you.  Two things you can do to help you decide this are:

1) Get a physical and have a conversation with your ob/gyn about your physical health and potential problems with a pregnancy and delivery at your age.

2) Make sure you aren’t making a decision from fear and anxiety from the traumatic experience the first time around.

A decision from fear leads to regret – and you don’t want that down the road.  Make sure your husband is aware of any fear you have and is included in the discussion about your physical health.

Adoption is an amazing option if you choose not to give birth again.  It’s a gift of love to offer your home and heart to a child.  I can’t advise you on the legalities of seeking private vs agency adoption, but I can caution that private adoptions sometimes don’t have the screening and protections offered from an agency.  Definitely get legal advice and protect yourself.

I wish you all the best in this decision.  I know it isn’t an easy one.  Listen to your intuition, meditate, and connect with your soul to find out what you truly desire.

Light & Love,

♥Genie


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Letter #2

Anonymous writes:

Dear Genie,

There isn’t a way to say this without sounding crazy, I believe that my house is haunted. My roommate agrees. We have had multiple things move (on their own, that shouldn’t). We’ve had cabinet doors open, faucets turn on, and other things. We’ve had an item fly off of the wall and go across the hall. There are sounds that can’t be explained. Our very large dog has cornered “it” and literally tried to attack it. He will growl and bark at it, now – it’s as though after the attack, it stays out of his reach. We’ve used holy water and sage. Any suggestions?

 

Dear Anonymous,

So interesting!  I’m not much of a paranormal expert, but I do know one thing – energy is all around us that we can’t see and that we don’t understand.  This phenomena has been reported over and over and yet we still have no real answer to what it is or how to best deal with it.

Is it the energetic soul of someone stuck on the earthly plane?  Possibly.

Are you experiencing the crisscrossing of another dimension with your own and energetically the two dimensions are getting in the way of each other?  Maybe.

Could the energy of a loved one being reaching out to you from the spiritual plane to say hello and get you to take notice of something?  Perhaps.  

I just don’t know what is causing the disturbance at your house, except that it is energy.  Try to change your perspective on what you are experiencing from “haunted” to “energetic anomaly”.   It’s a less scary way to view what is going on – so you can breathe easier and put your fear aside.  It’s also a more helpful way to deal with the situation.  Energy is science, right?  So then we can scientifically deal with this kind of event.

Sometimes sage, salt, holy water, etc… work on these anomalies.  Salt, holy water, sage, crystals, drumming – they all vibrate a unique energy signature. These energy vibrations can attract and repel other energy.   You may want to keep trying some of these ancient tools and see if one works: Crystals; Palo Santo; drumming; bells; salt; essential oils.  You can also create a ceremony incorporating several of these tools.  You’ll want to come up with some words to speak to the energetic anomaly.  Use the same energy in your voice, body language, and words that you want the anomaly to greet you with.  Ask it to be respectful and not create the disturbance in your home any longer.  Say it with love and kindness and compassion – just as you wish for the it to return that kindness to you.

Using crystals would be my suggested action.  Black minerals and crystals are the best for clearing energy – Smoky Quartz, Black Tourmaline, and Obsidian are great options.  You might want to add a heart stone too – Rose Quartz, for example.  Just place these stones in the areas of the anomaly.

Also, keep a journal of the events and what tools you are using to treat the situation.  Keep trying things – and do so out of love, not fear.  Also note what energies you have placed in the area where these incidents occur.  Is there a radio or TV?  Perhaps an image or decor that has a lot of energy?  Just keep note of the situation and see if a pattern forms. Move decor around and see what happens.

If this is an anomaly not healed with any of the sacred tools, the chances are the energy will move on by itself it time.  If this is being caused by crisscrossing dimensions, for example, this is a short-term event as the two will eventually move away from each other.  However, if your house is in a location prone to these inter-dimensional loop intersections, you could see these events happen again after a time of not having them.

The take-away for you is to not fear.  This is just energy.  It’s not evil.  It’s not from hell.  It’s not a haunting. It’s just energy.

Hope that helps!

Light & Love,

♥Genie


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Dear Genie #8

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Have a question you’d like to ask Genie?  Anything about life, love, leadership, living your best life are welcome!  Click the link below to submit your question!

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Today’s Letter

 

Seeking Acceptance writes:

Dear Genie,

I’m not a religious person like my family. I also work with divination tools like the Tarot and seek advice from psychics and readers. My family have warned me that I could open portals to hell and other nonsense that goes beyond not accepting my life views. They are hurtful and mean about pushing their ideology on to me. How can I gain their acceptance and still be true to my spirit?

 

Dear Seeking Acceptance,

Aren’t we all in search of this from those we love?  No matter how many times we read self-help books that tell us that self-acceptance is all we need, we still long for unconditional love and support from our family.  And so rarely is that given.

Unfortunately, I can’t give you a magical solution to this problem.  It’s one I face myself.  Anyone who chooses a path that is different from their family faces this reality.  Why?  I would say the biggest reason is that when you choose to be drastically different from your family they see it as a judgement against their way of life.  Of course, it isn’t.  You are just trying to live your truth; one that informs them of the limitations of their own beliefs. It makes them question themselves and that makes them afraid.

Fear is a powerful force that drives beliefs, emotions and behaviors.  Fighting fear with fear (lack of acceptance in this case) only creates more of it – like cutting the head off of a Hydra.  The only thing you can do is live your truth.  Live your passion.  Live your life with joy and happiness and success. Live from Love.   It is only in your example of living your life from love that fear can be calmed.

And, by the way, living from love also means that you treat yourself with love and compassion and understanding.  The mean and derogatory behavior by others towards you is not okay.  Set boundaries.  Let them know that this is how you live and that they don’t have to agree with you but the hurtful comments must stop. We are free to believe as we want – all of us.  We are not free to force others to submit to our beliefs.  If they persist- you’ve got to make a choice to do what is best for your heart, mind, and soul and that may mean not being around hurtful people.

I hope this helps.  I feel for you so much, but I know you can prevail and live your best life!

Light and Love,

Genie


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Dear Genie #7

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Today’s advice blog features two letters that deal with stressful relationship situations.  They are vastly different scenarios, but equally touching stories from two people who want to be the best they can be for the other person in the relationship.  Each response also includes a holistic approach to solutions and healing by addressing physical, mental, and emotional concerns of each submission.  


Have a question you’d like to ask?  

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Letter #1
Nan writes:

Dear Genie,

I’m helping to care for my Mom after surgery. She is 81 years old and I am nearly 60 years old. I’m getting tired (it’s turned into 4+ months and a subsequent fall) and I wonder how to keep my energy level up and positive while dealing with quite a bit of negativity. Is there a way to shield myself in this situation? I’m open to any suggestions.

Thanks, Nan

 

Dear Nan,

Love to you Nan for stepping up for your mom!  Most often we see elderly parents left to be cared for by strangers when they are this age and needing constant care.  It is not easy to care for someone so ill and dependent on others – nor is it easy to be the person in that condition.  You are a blessing and a light-bearer, my friend.  Feel that in your heart because it is so very true!

That doesn’t mean that you don’t require rest and relief from the stress.  You cannot pour from an empty cup.  You’ve got to take care of yourself first – physically, mentally and emotionally!

I’m going to give you some ideas for each of those areas that I think may help you stay balanced and fully equipped to be a caregiver for you mom.

Physical Support:

Eat well and hydrate.  Real and fresh food as much as possible and lots of water.   (*add some lemon to your water for a pick me up!)

Rest efficiently.  Rest isn’t just sleeping – it is also doing a relaxing activity that calms your mind while your body rests comfortably (puzzles, knitting, meditation, Reiki, reading…) Take breaks from chores and care-giving to allow yourself a break to rest.

Try to get organized the best you can for the situation.  Setting a schedule for meals, baths, entertainment, and exercise with your mom will help you schedule in the rest periods for yourself.

Time off is vital.  You’ve got to go out and live your passions and your life – even if just once a week for a couple hours.

 

Mental Support:

Talk to friends or other caregivers who understand and can offer support.  (Not just for complaining though – reach out to those who can offer compassion, understanding and ideas to support your self-care and your job as a caregiver.)

Try a supplement or herbal tea to help with mental clarity and focus.  Ginseng is the best!

Orange, peppermint and lemon scents are energizing both physically and mentally.  You can add these scents to your life with candles, essential oils, cooking, lotions, etc.  (Peppermint can be an irritant on the lungs – so make sure it won’t bother your mom)

 

Emotional/Spiritual Support:

Journaling is a great way to get out emotions in a safe way that is not reactionary.  This allows you to vent without your mom being on the receiving end.

Add some gratitude work with the journal – find a few things each day to be grateful for as your mom’s caregiver.  This will encourage you to seek out those moments each day.

Get grounded. Walks in nature, planting flowers with the spring, or other grounding activities are helpful.

Give yourself the love and appreciation you may not being getting from your “patient” or others who aren’t the caregiver.  (I put “patient” in quotes because it is helpful to think of your mom that way so you don’t take any harsh words from her personally as she recovers.)

Keep listening to your inner voice.  She won’t steer you wrong.  Ask the question and listen for her guidance.

 

Nan, you are doing something that so many won’t or can’t do – and it’s a true gift of love to your mom.  Be proud of yourself and give yourself love and respect and compassion for all you are doing .  You deserve to care for YOU like you are caring for your mom – don’t forget that!

All the best to you and your mom,

♥ Genie


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Letter #2

A Prude writes:

Dear Genie,

I’ve turned into a prude. I mean that literally. Most of my life I’ve had a very healthy sexual appetite, and that was true regardless of the quality of my lover. In the last several years, that has all changed. It’s not my partner; if I’m honest he’s the best lover that I’ve ever had. It’s not sex itself, once I’m in the process I love it. Beforehand, though, I’m miserable even thinking about doing it. I will make excuses, fake being sick or asleep, etc. I have made my husband go months without being intimate – at no fault of his own. I’ve wondered if there’s something physically wrong, but as I said – once we start – I’m all in. Physically everything works lol. It’s psychological and only before. I’ve worried about my husband finding physical attention elsewhere, and I would deserve it. I don’t even enjoy sexual jokes or references because I feel like it will lead to sex. I don’t know what to do.

* For the sake of this response, I am assuming the writer is female in a heterosexual relationship.  There is good information here if the writer is male as well.  

 

Dear A Prude,

Great question that soooo many women face!  Thank you for writing!

For starters, you are not a prude.  When a man suffers sexual dysfunction or loss of desire, they call it a medical issue and give him big blue pills, right?  They would never call a man a prude or blame him if he stops having an interest in sex.  The label “prude” is negative and blaming and hostile to your spirit.  I’d really like for you to change that label first – get all that self-blame out of your mind.  You are going through a period of dysfunction – that’s all.  Think of this as you would any area of unwellness or change in your health. This issue does not make you deserving of infidelity any more than any illness would excuse that behavior.   You are not at fault for anything and the compassion you are showing for your husband in wanting to remedy this situation shows your love for him and your marriage.  Make sure to add yourself to the list of love and compassion recipients.

So, let’s talk about sexual dysfunction and loss of desire in a woman. It happens to us all.  Why does it happen?  Honestly, there are hundreds of things that can cause this. Women are holistically complicated – physically, mentally and emotionally. This chart is a sample of causes of low libido:

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As you can see, this topic is way too complicated and broad for me to really help you solve anything in a blog post.  However, I can give you some things to think about and hopefully head you in the right direction so you can overcome this issue in a way that is healing to yourself and your relationship.   To be honest, your sex drive may never be what it once was, but it’s important for your well-being to understand where the change is coming from.

First, you might want to check in with your primary physician.  Ask about getting a physical and testing done for your hormonal levels.  Talk to your doctor about any concerns you are having with your body and emotions.   Hormonal changes are the leading cause of low libido.

Next, check in with your thoughts and your mental/emotional connection with yourself and your spouse.  Does anything on the chart above draw your attention?

Here are some questions to ask yourself: (write your answers down)

  1. How do you feel about your body?
  2. How do you feel about your husband’s body?
  3. What three things would you change about yourself if you could?
  4. What three things would you change about your husband if you could?
  5. What would your husband say are the three best things about you?
  6. What are the three best things about your husband?
  7. What three things do you and your husband most enjoy doing together?
  8. What three things do you enjoy doing apart from your husband?
  9. What are three passions you have in life?
  10. What are three passions your husband has in life?

 

Study your answers for a second.

Notice any questions that you found hard to answer.  Notice any questions that you are unsure about the answers.  Are there any red flags in your answers that show you that you may be disconnected in your relationship?

These questions aren’t meant to “fix” what’s going on – but may get you thinking about areas that might need attention in your relationship.  It’s just a start.  If you notice that you’ve been avoiding some issues, it may be a good time to seek out some counseling or coaching for yourself or as a couple.

The main thing I would like you to take away from this is that change happens.  It’s not your fault.  There may be ways you can improve your sex life and your desire, but, as I said above, your sex drive may not ever be what it once was and there may not be any specific reason for it other than that sometimes it’s just life.  Life gets in the way.  Life cycles happen.  Life changes.

This may be a time of change in your relationship.  You may have to adjust to a lower libido and less sex – without guilt or shame for what is happening naturally in your body.   Your husband needs to understand what is going on as much as you do – and let’s hope he can respond with the same compassion and love with which you have displayed by reaching out for help.   Connecting and communicating with each other is vital in navigating the change together.

Best wishes,

♥ Genie


a great marriage.png


 

Love Is The Cure

When you are standing up high on a pedestal of self-righteousness, it’s really hard to see way down to the roots of that terrible thing you tower over. You know you are right. You know you have the moral high ground. Those other people are so wrong it makes you furious! You are in the position to reign heaps of fire down on those terrible people with those specious beliefs – and you do so quite frequently.

And you feel better after you post with the name calling and the superior wit and the indignation. What a relief it is to let those people know how smart you are and how right you are and how wrong and poisonous is their mere existence. Damn you religious nut jobs! Get a job you socialist libtard! Screw you white nationalists! Read a book you ignorant trailer trash! You’re an orange cheeto loving dotard! Fascist pigs! Go back to your own country! Put god back in schools (my god, not yours)!!!


I’m not saying you’re wrong to have strong feelings about people who support the current president or the atrocious things he is doing. I’m also not saying you are wrong to worry about high taxes and feeding your family. It hasn’t been too long since I typed a few of those sentences on my own Facebook wall. One day I just decided it wasn’t getting me anywhere except angry, spun up, and acting out of integrity. See, I’m a recovering rage-aholic. I’ve worked really hard to change that and become a person with standards of behavior – naming calling and violent expressions are off my list of choices in how to respond to someone. And, yet, I have been sucked back in to this hate-fueled fighting on social media. So have you – even though that hostile, intolerant, hate-spewing person is not really who you are – not “in real life”.

When we react that way we give up our power; we give up our truth and our integrity. We say to the other person, “here, take my soul because I am following your lead.” We act just like them – we become just like them – we are just like them. We are fighting against something we think is wrong by becoming something that is wrong.

The hate is just not okay. It’s not. There is no moral high ground when hate is your strategy.


Hate cannot defeat hate; it’s a losing strategy. We’ve got to take our power back and come up with something that can help us heal the wounds in our friendships and relationships – and it starts with a compassionate heart and desire to be a better person.

Yes, there are sociopaths, psychopaths and really evil narcissists in the world who have no moral compass – no heart. These people are rare and I’m not talking about these kinds mentally disturbed people – I’m talking about your brother and your aunt and your uncle and your childhood friend who you suddenly find loathsome and shocking.

Is it possible – just possible – that these people we go after with venomous rage are also not the hate-spewing trolls they appear to be on social media? Are they different “in real life”? Are they just angry and full of fear just like you? I’m not excusing bad behavior and racism and bigotry and sexism and the vileness going on. I’m saying that all this hate is coming from somewhere and maybe we need to respond to that instead throwing more hate on the fire.

Hate comes from fear. Fear is the root of this dis-ease in our country. Hate-spewing is a symptom just like fever. Rage is a symptom. Irrational beliefs are a symptom. Believing lies and conspiracy theories from mentally ill propagandist is like taking poison from a snake-oil salesman instead of medicine from a doctor. And social media spreads this disease like the flu spreads through your household.

The disease is fear.

Can we cure this with more fear? Can we get rid of a fever by injecting more fever? Of course not! So why are we fighting hate with more hate?

The cure is love.

Why do people roll their eyes when I say that? Why is this such an uncomfortable idea?

Maybe because it means in order to act from love you have to change your beliefs. You have to be responsible for your own behavior. You have to think before you act and respond. You have to know yourself and your moral code.

It’s a heavy burden to love when hate is so much easier.

I’m working on a book to address ways we can #chooselove over hate (fear). It gives a look at love that doesn’t seem mushy or pollyanna – one that is comfortable – doable. It’s coming soon, I promise. In the meantime, here are some things to think about when you come across the hate posts and you want to reply or feel angry and outraged.


How to Love in a time of Hate

1. Self-love is priority. Self-love does not mean self-ish! This is not about thinking you are better than anyone. This is about setting boundaries in your relationships, doing your best each day, and forgiving yourself for your mistakes. This also means not subjecting yourself to this insanity on social media and getting yourself stressed and angry. Take a break.

2. Respond to a hate attack the way you would want someone to communicate with you. Think before you reply. Speak the truth with kindness and compassion even when they don’t deserve it – You deserve it! You deserve the calmness and peace that comes from doing the right things and following your moral code.

3. Refuse petty and childish tactics. I hate to say it, but act your age. No name calling. No character assassinations. No unnecessary vulgar language. Speak with integrity, poise and intelligence.  And when you are wrong, own up to it.

4. Don’t respond to every invitation to debate/fight. Yes, people call us out and say things on our posts or in our groups. You do not have to respond. You can roll your eyes and move on. It’s hard. This I know. But the time and energy you waste adding fuel to the fire of someone already spun up and looking for a place to unleash – it’s not worth it. Love yourself enough to move on.

5. Realize that it is not your job to save other people from their wrong thinking. People are allowed to be wrong. People are allowed to believe whatever they want to believe. It’s not up to you to change them. Likewise, you don’t owe anyone and explanation for your beliefs. This is big. If you can stop trying to change others, you are halfway there.

6. Control what is in your ability to control. That would be you; your behavior, your attitude, your responses, your action, your presence in the world. That’s it. Just you. The great thing about that is that you are able to shine your inner light without care for what others think, feel or believe because they aren’t your business!

7. Know that your behavior is a bigger influence on others than you could ever have in a Facebook debate. Lead by example. It’s that simple. Be the change you want to see in the world.

8. Learn to let go of people around you who break your boundaries and treat you with hate. Eventually enough is enough. It’s okay to walk away from people and situations that don’t change and grow. Sometimes sticking around just enables that person to continue to hate because they can because you stay. If you have to stop inviting uncle Dave to dinner so that you and your family can be at peace, then do so.

9. Remember, it’s just fear.  Fear is not rational.  Fear lies.  Fear is not truth.  Fear wants you to remain in your comfort zone and not change.  Fear will attack others.  Fear is selfish.


 

These ideas are mostly ways just to love yourself enough to stop hating others. It’s a start. The first round of antibiotics to cure this dis-ease. (Yes, we may need several!)

Know that this blog is written in love – to help you find peace in this insanity and to start the change we need to heal.
Peace & Love,

♥ Genie



hate does not drive out hate