Dear Genie #27


Not Feeling It writes:

Dear Genie,

For the first time ever that I can remember I didn’t set any new year’s resolutions.  I can’t think of anything I want that I feel that I can achieve this year.  I don’t want to say I have given up but I am really lost and just kind of feeling I don’t see the point in trying this year.  Do you think I am depressed or something?


Dear Not Feeling It,

I’m not a medical doctor, so I can’t tell you if I think you are depressed or not. If you think you might be depressed, I encourage you to seek out your primary care doctor or make an appointment with a mental health professional in your area. There is no shame in that. Take care of you.

You do sound a bit overwhelmed and stuck – and those things I can help with.

First of all, I really dislike “resolutions.” We use them in a way that makes them almost always unrealistic and unattainable.

“I want to lose 50 pounds this year.”

“I want to give up sugar.”

And what happens the first time we check the scale and haven’t lost a pound – or perhaps gain a pound? It’s over. We’ve failed – in OUR minds.

When we can’t resist the sugar craving and give in? We failed. We couldn’t give up sugar. That’s the end of the resolution – for most people.

Resolutions lack a foundation for your goal. They lack a vision – a complete vision of where you see yourself at the end of the year; a vision that includes seeing the path to get there and support to help you along the way.

I don’t think you lack hope or that you’ve given up. I think that with the overwhelm in the world and stress with the pandemic and not knowing when we will be able to get out there and live again – I think you just lack a vision of where you want to be at the end of the year. And I get that it is hard to imagine the future when we don’t know how long we are going to be dealing with this present situation.

It’s okay to not have a plan yet or a set vision. Another thing I dislike about resolutions is that they tend to be unforgiving when you mess up or don’t stick to them unfailingly. Be gentle with yourself. Be willing to dream and be open to forgiving yourself when you get off track.

My advice; Dare to dream.

Your vision will come once you are open to dreaming that your life can be all you desire.

Wishing you hope and dreams,

Genie


Dear Genie #26


This week’s letter is from a client who requested a card reading.  I thought the question she had was particularly relevant to many people and asked her permission to share. 


Decision Limbo writes:

Dear Genie,

I was going to start a business then covid happened and I put it off.  It’s now Christmas and I am missing out on the sales I could be making in the way of gift certificates which are a huge income in my field.  My biz is going to be a holistic wellness shop and spa with energy healing and massage.  Now the vaccine is almost ready and I am wondering should I try to rush and open before Christmas and try to make enough sales of gift certificates and advance bookings to get me through until I can see clients?  The energy I am feeling is telling me to go for it.  My brain is telling me it’s a huge risk and if I blow the opening I might not recover.  Which is the right choice?  I could use the sales money and having a list of clients to really get going once the vaccine is given out.  Do you have time to give me a card reading?


Dear Decision Limbo,

As a business owner myself, I definitely understand getting your opening right.   Should you do a soft opening now for holiday sales?  Let’s think on this first.

What are the logistics of opening?  Do you have a space ready?  Do you have your state licenses and certifications?  CAN you open quickly – like in the next week?   

Also, I assume you won’t be taking clients now, due to covid still being an issue – what kind of advance bookings can you reasonably expect for a new business with no current clientele? 

Your shop might do well for holiday gift giving – do you have resale stock on hand? 

Is there an option of having an online sale for any resale stock you have on hand? That might get you some income before the holidays and allow you to start growing a potential client base without promising services you can’t provide yet.

The feeling you are getting that tells you to “go for it” – is it your intuition speaking or fear energy that you are missing out?

These are tough questions you need to ask yourself.  You must be honest with your answers so you can make a good, sound decision. 

But, since you are having a hard time knowing what your intuition is telling you – I am happy to draw you a few cards…


Card 1.  Spiritual Strength

9 Spiritual Strenght. The Psychic Tarot Oracle Deck by John Holland.

This is the last card in the Spiritual Health Suit.  It is about achieving inner strength – discipline, patience, and persistence- in working to achieve your goals.  I love this card for your problem because it is saying, “You’ve done the work and you’ve been patient.  Turn to that inner strength once again to help you with this concern.  Don’t give up.  Don’t be reactive.  Don’t act from fear.”   Remember to be patience, disciplined, and persistent.


Card 2. Foundation & Achievements

4 Foundation & Achievements. The Psychic Tarot Oracle Deck by John Holland.

Another Spiritual Health Suit card.  This time is it asking you to look at the spiritual foundation you have built.  You’ve worked hard on your holistic tools and to gain confidence in your skills.  Trust yourself and your ability to make decisions.  Trust in the timing of launching your business.  A strong foundation takes time to build – a rushed foundation will crumble.  This card is telling you, “trust that when your foundation is strong, you will know it’s time to launch.”  Trust that you will know the answer when it is time. 


Card 3. Rejoice in Celebration

3 Rejoice in Celebration. The Psychic Tarot Oracle Deck by John Holland.

Your final card is from the Emotional Health Suit.  This card anticipates a time of celebration, success, birth, and victory.   It says to you, “when you follow your heart and intuition, there are no limits to what you can achieve.”  If you trust yourself and listen to your intuition (and not to fear), you will be successful – no matter if you begin your business now or in the new year. 


Summary:

You made the right decision this year in delaying your business opening due to covid.  It took patience and discipline to make that choice – it took trust in the future.  Right now your faith in that decision is faltering because you fear you are missing a big opportunity to gain clients during this major season of shopping and gift giving.  Refocus on why you delayed opening.   Patience is key here to getting through this fear.

Once your fear is moved out of the way, your intuition will come through much clearer.  Trust that you will know your inner voice when you hear it.  Trust the message you receive.  Trust that when it is time for you to open, you won’t need to question whether it is right or wrong. 

If you connect with your true self – your soul self – through patience and trust, you will have success and an abundance of clients. Once you stop making decisions from fear, you make them from love.   Act from soul – from love – from your intuition, and you’ll live your dreams.

And so it is.


That was a great reading!  I think the cards spoke loud and clear!  Don’t make this decision from fear of missing out.

Try meditation to help reach your soul voice and make sure to spend some time visualizing exactly what you want your business to look like – your clientele, your shop and spa space, how do you feel, and how amazing is this business you’ve built? See it exactly as you want it to be.

Best wishes!  I’m looking forward to seeing you when the covid is controlled. 

Dr. Genie


To send a letter with your problem or concern, click HERE. It’s confidential!

Dear Genie #25

This week’s letter is a hot topic and one I know many of you are struggling with today and upcoming Thanksgiving gatherings.

If you would like to submit a letter to Dear Genie, you can write me HERE.


Thanksgiving Anxiety writes:

Dear Genie,

I’m having anxiety about going to Thanksgiving at my parent’s house this year.  Usually there are 20 or so family at holiday dinners, but because of Covid there will only be me, my parents, and my dad’s two brothers.  I’m the only one of this group who did not vote for Trump and everyone but mom is very vocal about their support for him.  Again, usually this wouldn’t be a problem because there are so many people and different conversations going that I can stay away from politics but this year I am really afraid it’s going to be all politics.  I don’t like to argue and debate, and I sure don’t want to sit for hours listening to them going on about the election when I feel the opposite of them.  It will be torture and I want to stay home.  Any advice?  Do I just argue with them?  Do I tell them to shut up?  Do I not go?


Dear Thanksgiving Anxiety,

I’m glad you wrote as I know there are many, many, many people who can relate.   We all have those family members who show up and must be the loudest and the most insulting and the most “right about everything and they are going to tell you about it.”

It’s frustrating even under the most festive of events.  This year it is even worse for many of us because we do not have the large crowd to distract us from their overbearing rudeness.  I get it, I really do. 

I can’t tell you whether you should go or not.  There is a lot that needs to go into that decision, like, are your parents healthy?  Do you see them often?  How is your relationship with your parents? Would they be terribly hurt if you didn’t come?  Is this a family ritual you want to break?  Are YOU making the choice or allowing extended family and their behavior to make this decision for you?  Is attending this year a threat to your mental health?

Your answers to those questions may make it easier for you to stay home, or help you decide to attend.  Definitely give them some thought.

If you choose to go this year, I have a few suggestions to help you set your energetic vibrations and mindset at a level that will help you during the day. 

  1. Speak to your parents ahead of time and ask that they set a boundary that no politics be discussed that day.  Explain that due to the stress of the pandemic and election you are just mentally tired and need the time with them to be happy and joyful. 
  • Think of some topics in advance to broach – some lighthearted things.  Get out family photos and take a trip down memory lane.  Lead the conversation as much as you can so there is not an opening for uncomfortable subjects.
  • One thing I do is to meditate before going into situations like this. Visualize a pleasant meal and conversation – everyone smiling and jolly.  Feel the happiness and joy.  Then, ask that energy to travel to the future, to your parent’s home – let that energy engulf the house and everyone who enters.  When you are there and unpleasant conversation comes up, just close your eyes and ask that energy to enter your heart.  It may not stop unpleasant conversation from coming up – but it will help you calmly and lovingly change the subject.  “Who is ready for dessert?”
  • Lastly, I would advise you to just be really comfortable with who you are and what you believe and understand that the way others believe is a reflection of them and the way they feel about themselves.   Don’t take them personally.  That’s not easy at first– but it will help reduce anxiety and allow your heart some room for empathy.

It’s dreadful, I know. There are just some folks with no edit buttons that just want to get a rise out of you – they tease and taunt and like to upset people.  Don’t play their game.  Play yours! 

Whatever you decide, I hope you enjoy the day in gratitude and hope for the coming year.

Light & Love,

Dr. G

P.S. Remember to still social distance and wear a mask if you feel the need to do so, no matter how others may judge you.


Dear Genie #24

This week’s Dear Genie is an issue we can all relate to in these uncertain times – being cooped up at home with the entire family.


Want to Run Away writes:

Dear Genie,

COVID-19 has destroyed my marriage and I want to ask my husband for a divorce.  I don’t work because we have two children, and my husband has been working from home since April.  He complains about the noise from the kids and I can’t run the vacuum or do laundry until he takes a break.  We argue all the time, and something has changed between us.  I honestly can’t stand him, and I think he feels the same about me.   We used to have date nights and sit up after the kids went to sleep and talk and now we stay as far away from each other in the house as we can.  He hasn’t mentioned a date night in months.  I am never happy anymore.   I don’t think we can get back to where we were and I’m not sure I want to with him.


Dear Want to Run Away,

You could not have picked a more perfect signature for your letter because what you both are feeling is fight or flight response emotions. 

The fight or flight response is an automatic physiological reaction to an event that is perceived as stressful or frightening. The perception of threat activates the sympathetic nervous system and triggers an acute stress response that prepares the body to fight or flee.  psychologytools.com

Like most of us in the US, you are experiencing high levels of stress and fear due to covid and other things going on in the country.  Your husband is also trying to adjust to a new work environment under the same stress you are feeling.  And, neither of you are getting a break from the stress because, as you mentioned, you aren’t even leaving the house for date night.  I’m guessing you aren’t leaving the house to do anything relaxing or fun. 

We have a surge in the pandemic happening right now.  I would say that this lock down/work from home situation is going to continue for some months.  That being said, you and your husband both need to find time alone – and then time for one another to reconnect to the love you share.  Self-care and date night might look a little different right now, but they are both still vital to your mental and spiritual and marital health. 

You didn’t mention how the children are doing with dad at home and being a bit grumpy.  Look for signs of how they are dealing with the stress.  Make sure they have some time outside every day and encourage dad to have some fun time with them in the evenings.  Remember, they feel what you are feeling and don’t have the emotional maturity to process those feelings. 

Everyone in the house needs self-care and time to destress.  Here are a few things you can do even with the kids:

Meditation  Kids are never too young to learn this tool.  There are many mediation soundtracks available and videos on youtube.  Let them know that when they aren’t able to sit quietly any longer that they can go into another room and play with quiet toys or color if they are old enough.

Mandala Coloring

Puzzles

Foot Bath

Exercising

Noise Cancelling Headphones and a Good Book (while dad has time with the kids)

Aromatherapy with Lavender throughout the House

Zoom Call with Friends

Open Communication with Everyone in the House

Be Kind to Yourself about Schedules and Chores

Get Plenty of Fresh Air

Do Something Creative

As for you wanting a divorce, unless there are things you didn’t mention here, I would hold off on that decision until a less stressful time.  I think you would like to be divorced from the stress much more than you’d like to be divorced from your husband.   BUT, reconnecting with him sooner, rather than later, is probably a really good idea.  Let him know you are feeling the stress just as he is and that you need to help each other through this time.  Then take a walk together. 

Wishing you the best! 

Dr. G


If you have matters of the heart and soul that you’d like to talk to me about, please send me a letter and I’ll do my best to help you. SEND A LETTER

Dr. Genie is the founder and minister for the Choose Love Spiritual Ministry. Each week they offer services and programs to inspire you to seek your own spiritual connection and healing.

New Beginnings

initials

 

When we were sitting in our group creating vision boards back in January, we could never have guessed the turn of events that have led us to this new reality.

Ouch.  Did you just cringe when you read that as bad as I did when I typed it?

New Reality.  That’s what we are calling this virus ridden, murder-wasp invading, online living, toilet paper disappearing, face mask wearing, social distancing, absolutely surreal existence we’ve got going on.


I’ve been locked down in my apartment with the hubby and the son.

Since March 8th.

In this small apartment.

The hubby has been working and making very loud phone calls.  The son has been on video games, screaming at the other players, and shouting “dude!” excessively.

It’s not been the ideal time for me to be online creating courses or videos or otherwise sharing content.  So I haven’t been.

I also noticed that my social media timelines were flooded with free classes, LIVES, self-improvement content, and so much stuff that it was suffocating.  The universe was telling me that I could use the downtime – so I rested, read, listened to podcasts and got my head together.

I had time to check in with my soul – see where I wanted my biz and ministry to go from here.  I talked with my board members and friends and bounced ideas off them.  I almost decided to pack it in at one point because I still needed to pay rent and bills on the studio even though we haven’t been operating.

Then, the most amazing thing happened.  The gals who have been coming to classes and talks and meditation, all pitched in for a fundraiser I put together to raise money to keep the studio current during the shutdown.  They also shared their support and their hopes that we would keep going and explaining how much they enjoyed the programs and what the studio has meant to them. I have been absolutely moved beyond words by thee gals.  It has meant the world to me to have a tribe of friends to have my back. I decided to come up with a biz idea that would give back to them and everyone who puts their trust and energy in to my programs.


Apply


Starting now you can apply for General Membership in to our organization.  It’s free! And, it comes with some benefits:

  • Group Meditation Sessions
  • Support Group Sessions
  • Exclusive Member Events
  • Discount (10%) on classes, soul doctor sessions, and purchases from the Metaphysical Nook
  • Voting rights at annual General Membership Board Meeting

Most of these benefits are for you if you live locally.  However, if you live further away, a membership is beneficial if you might consider attending our annual retreat or making Metaphysical Nook purchases from Facebook LIVE sales.

All of our programs are still open to anyone, without membership, for an entrance fee or suggested donation.

Additionally, there is an option of becoming a sponsor for programs.  There are four levels of sponsorship and loads of benefits.  You can check out the information video on our homepage.

One sponsor level is really cool for those who don’t live locally or those who don’t want free courses or sessions. This is Sponsor Level IV and is $10 a month dues.  Check out all the Sponsor Levels on the Membership page.

For $10 dues you get all the General Membership Benefits PLUS a private Facebook group exclusively for sponsors.  Each month I will host a LIVE energy clearing and a mini-course.  Also, I give a LIVE oracle card drawing each weekday with a weekend forecast drawing on Fridays.  This group will give lots of access to me so you can ask questions and grow in your spiritual quest.

Join and pay $10 sponsor dues today for the rest of May and June in the LIVE group.

May LIVE schedule


This new membership and sponsor plan is the best way I can give back with real  value.  It’s going to keep costs down for members while allowing my ministry to grow and continue to host really great programs.  It’s a win-win for everyone – and that’s what I am all about.


I’ve also had some time the past, what,  8, 9, 10…12 weeks, to think about the courses I want to offer online.  What is it that I really want to teach and share.  What is my real expertise – my real spot of genius?  How have I helped others the most?

It’s not easy pinpointing one single niche when you’ve kind of been a Jack of all trades.  But, I think I found it.  In the next few weeks my website is going to be down for a massive professional rework and when it goes live again my signature course will be up and ready right here on this site AND a I’ll have a book released on Amazon to accompany the course.


This has not been an easy few months, especially for those who haven’t been able to cocoon and rest.  Front line workers- nurses, doctors, paramedics, those in our food supply chain – you’ve really stepped in to the hero zone.  I hope we never forget how you all rose up and saved us.

And I hope those of you who did have the opportunity for introspection and growth were able to find your way to that space amidst the stress and fear and worry and search for toilet paper.

I did without even knowing it.  I learned some things about myself – that my impatience still needs work, and that my message is actually reaching people.   So, no matter what this new reality is for the world, my personal vision and passion are unchanged.  I want to continue to spread the hope of love becoming the NEW new reality one day.

In health & happiness,

Dr. G ♥

Online Membership Now Open

Dear Genie #23

home page box dear genie


Dear Genie™ is back after several months hiatus!  Write A Letter!


 

Seeking Direction writes:

Dear Genie,

I have felt lost on my spiritual path for a long time because I was in a bad marriage and struggling financially and my life was just chaotic.  I stopped going to church years ago when my life was at its worst.  Now that I am divorced and getting things together, I want to work on my spiritual life again but church doesn’t feel right.  I don’t know where to begin.  I don’t consider myself an atheist, but I no longer believe in the things I was taught growing up.  I want to just try something different or maybe spirituality, but I don’t know where to start or what religion to try or who to seek to be a leader.  Any suggestions where to start? 

 

Dear Seeking Direction,

You have been through a lot and the transformation in your life is still happening.   It’s good that you have your physical life on the right track and are wanting to work on your soul self.  This is what holistic wellness is all about – bringing all the parts of YOU together in wellness.

And so, holistic wellness is a great place for you to start. 

I say this because trying a new religion, or deciding to abandon your old one, is something that should take time and be done when you are a little clearer on who you really are in truth.

Your spirit is your true self. 

It contains all the ingredients of who you were born to be – the lessons you were sent to learn – your hopes – your dreams – the YOU without fear, shame, and doubt.

Do you know this You?  Do you know what your desires and dreams were before the world told you it was impossible?  Do you remember who you were before the world told you that you were wrong or not enough?

A holistic wellness practice allows you to take care of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health and synergize them in to one YOU.   You get to know the signals from your body when something needs attention; You learn to recognize mental thoughts that you tell yourself that maybe aren’t the truth; You understand that emotions are just messages alerting you to something that needs healed; and, You reconnect to your soul self and begin to trust your inner voice – your intuition – once again.

A few things you can do to begin a holistic wellness practice:

  • Meditate
  • Practice gratitude
  • Spend time doing what YOU love
  • Clear your Chakras (A Reiki Session will do this)
  • Eat mindfully (know where your food comes from and honor the source)
  • Seek a group of life-minded friends
  • Explore other spiritual practices – talk to people of other faiths
  • Volunteer with animals, elderly, children
  • Spend time in nature
  • Spend time alone
  • Declutter your environment – and that includes ridding toxic people
  • Read

And most importantly, through all these activities, get to know who you really are – what you really believe – what you really want for your life – how you really want to spend your time.  This is a spiritual path.  

It’s then that you’ll be able to choose a religious path, or not.

Best wishes,

Genie


you become you


 

About Dr. Genie

genie mathewsI’m Dr. Genie and I am “officially” a Metaphysician and Transpersonal Counselor.  I realize that those labels mean absolutely nothing to most people, so allow me to explain…

 

 

 

 

Metaphysics is the study of that which is beyond the physical.   It’s the study of the ethereal world where matter does not exist, there are no atoms or particles, no laws of physics, and no physical tools to measure its existence.  This is the world of thoughts, beliefs, dreams, emotions, and memories – the world of Human Consciousness.  

Metaphysicians study Human Consciousness.

Transpersonal Counseling, a.k.a Spiritual Counseling,  is an area of psychology and philosophy that works with consciousness beyond one’s personal/physical identity (a.k.a. EGO.)

This area of counseling is not psychotherapy.  It’s a holistic practice which synergizes the mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual areas of health and wellness in order to connect with the consciousness beyond EGO, what I call SOUL CONSCIOUSNESS.  This soul connection helps you heal self-esteem, make better decisions, be more creative, live your passion and dreams, and come from a place of love instead of fear.

I work with your consciousness, your awareness – your perspective – to help you connect with your soul. 

We rarely judge things as they really are in life.  Instead, we filter our experience through our individual lens of personal perspective.

This lens is made up of layers of memories, past experience, past emotions, future expectations, and the unconscious belief system that was INSTALLED in us before we were 8 years old.  We were given the beliefs of our parents, grandparents, teachers, older siblings, and even TV shows before we were old enough to form our own.  When we grow up we don’t even realize we have many of these beliefs until they become a problem.

All of these layers of perspective that are built in to our lens filter make it difficult, if not impossible, to view life events as they are in reality.  This lens is biased and will not show us the truth, instead giving us a version of the experience that aligns with our belief system and memories.

If you grew up with your parents calling each other names, you will most likely repeat that behavior because your unconscious mind created the belief that this is how adults deal with each other.  Even if you try to change this behavior by making a better choice, unless you “mind hack” the belief, this behavior will always reappear because your mind believes this is the way to behave.   You probably don’t even realize you have this belief, and that makes it impossible to heal.

The filter is there to protect us and uses fear, pain, and limiting beliefs to “keep us safe”. This system of filtering our experience has a name; EGO, or, Ego Consciousness.

What happens is that our perspective can keep us stuck in life.  It can keep us from making good decisions.  It can keep us from dealing with our own shizz – mistakes and flaws.  Perspective can keep us from getting close to other people and even keep them from getting close to us.  It also keeps us disconnected from our truth – our intuition – our inner voice – our soul.

And this is where I can help!

I can work with you to discover your layers of perspective that keep you from moving forward, from being successful, or from living a life of joy and happiness!

Using the Life Leadership Paragon™ and Holistic Synergy Coaching™ methods, we can work together to remove the lens of fear, self-doubt, limiting beliefs and unconscious biases to bring about a more clear and unfiltered perspective.

The results are that eventually you will be free from the filter of EGO altogether and it will be replaced by our natural state of awareness – Soul Consciousness.

What I do is help you move through areas of your life where you are struggling.  I support your transformation from experiencing life through fear to living a life from love.   That is really all there is to what I do and who I am as a person. ♥


If you are interested in a free consultation with me, in person or over the phone, please visit the APPOINTMENTS tab to contact me.


break to transform

Dear Genie #22

home page box dear genie

This week’s letter is from someone wondering if they are to blame for being ghosted.   This is a big topic in our world today as we become more disconnected to one another.
If you would like to send a letter to Dear Genie, click the “contact” tab above.

 

Rejected in the U.S.A writes:

Dear Genie,

I’ve always been a guarded person for as long as I can remember. The shy quiet kid to the socially awkward adult. It takes a lot for me to open up and reach out to others. Somehow though I’ve managed to enjoy some very intimate long lasting friendships in my life. Here is the problem. It seems as though all of those end suddenly without warning. I find myself ghosted. If that doesn’t happen I find a new friendship that seems to be growing and connecting will suddenly seem like the other person starts to back off. If that happens I start to wonder if I’m being too much for them. Then I feel rejected and will just stop trying to move forward with them all together because I feel hurt. It confused me because as I said if anything I hold back and wait for them to open up before I dare to. So how can I be too much? I’m not sure why this happens. I feel like opening up to people just ends up getting me hurt and wondering what I did wrong?I’m not sure if you can offer any insight to this but maybe you can give it some thought. Thank you.

 

Dear Rejected,

I’ve always given the advice that you should just be you and the right people will come in to your life.  You attract who you are.  Likewise, we are drawn to people who are similar to us in some way – maybe even in a way we don’t recognize within our self.

I can’t answer why people ghost you and other people – each person has a different reason and none of those reasons make us feel better for having been ghosted.  People get busy.  People change.  People see something in others that triggers something within themselves and they run from that.  Some people are also shy and not comfortable getting too close to others and back off when they feel expectations are being set for their friendship.  And, sometimes people are just passive-aggressive and choose to deal with conflict, offenses, and differences by shutting down and walking away.

Notice the common thread in all those reasons; them.  Their thoughts. Their behavior. Their choices.  Even if you are “too much”, it is something within them that causes them to feel you are “too much”, not your behavior.  It’s their own thoughts and beliefs about the world and themselves that determines if they think you are too much or not.

Retrospection is always good after a situation where someone “unfriends” you.   Asking yourself questions like…

  • Was I giving in the relationship as much as I was taking?
  • Was I my true self or pretending to be someone else?
  • Was there anything hurtful I said or did that caused them pain?
  • Were there areas where I was passive-aggressive and left them wondering why I backed-off?

If you feel like you were authentic and a good friend, then let the friendship go knowing you followed your integrity and that it was something inside of them that sent them away.  Wish them peace and healing.

If you can see some areas where you behaved out of your integrity and true self, then work on the thoughts and behaviors that led you to be inauthentic.

You cannot control the behavior of others, but you are responsible for your own growth and self-healing.


Some things I can see from your letter that you might want to dive in to:

Why do you hold back and wait for them to open up first?  (Are you worried about being judged?  Do you feel unworthy? What self-healing can you do to be more open and authentic?)

Why do you stop trying when you feel they have rejected you?  (Do you ask them why they “backed-off”? Do you see if they need supported in some area that they are struggling with? What can you do to be more assertive or ensure you aren’t overthinking things?)

These are just some questions about your own inner thoughts and beliefs that may be holding you back from being authentic and assertive in your relationships.  That doesn’t make you to blame or wrong.  It just means that you, like every single other human being on this planet, have  healing and growing to do.

I believe there is a lesson in every experience.  All we can do is learn the lesson, grow, heal, and live our lives as happy and peaceful as possible.


Thank you for the letter.  I hope I’ve helped you realize that you aren’t to blame or responsible for the behavior and choices of others – only your own.

Be Yourself. Do your best.  That’s all anyone can ever ask for in a friend.

♥Genie


All a friend can ask for


 

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When You Love Someone with Anxiety

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A little early with this blog, but it was important for me to share with you today.  I want to make it clear that I am not a psychologist and my counseling credential is non-medical.  I do not diagnose or treat medical conditions.  This blog is from my own experience with anxiety and the long road I took to get those close to me to understand the dynamics of this illness.


 

Loving someone with an illness is never easy no matter what the illness.  Mental illness is especially hard because there are no physical signs of the medical problem. It’s hard to remember that the behavior that occurs during and anxiety attack is actually part of a  chronic illness.

To make it even more difficult, you, as a loved one, can often be the target for emotionally charged assaults that are the manifestation of the inner chaotic thoughts going on in the mind of someone suffering an anxiety episode.  Anxiety manifests in lots of different ways but is always emotional.  Anger,  sobbing, illogical comments, fear, blaming, hysterics, and even shutting down are some of the ways that a person having an episode will react.

You feel like you are being attacked.  You feel like they are just trying to get attention.  You feel like they are being dramatic.  You feel like they are manipulating you.  You are taking their behavior very personally and feel angry and frustrated in return.

This is a natural reaction when you view the situation that way.  It is not easy being involved in your loved one’s anxiety episode.  It isn’t fair to feel like you are on the receiving end of an attack.

But, then, it isn’t fair for your loved one to be considered a crazy, bitchy, psycho, attention seeking, drama queen when in reality they have a health condition that creates these medically urgent events.

That’s right.  An anxiety attack is a medically urgent event.  That means it requires some level of medical attention – whether self-medication, partner supported medical assistance, or, when severe, a trip to the hospital or therapist.

Imagine someone with asthma.  When they have an asthma attack it is a medically urgent situation which requires immediate attention.  They medicate themselves with a nebulizer or inhaler, or someone assists them if necessary.  If it is severe enough, emergency services are requested.

What doesn’t happen with a person having an asthma attack is for their loved one to say to them,

Did you take your meds?

What is wrong with you?!

You’re acting crazy!

You’re just trying to get attention!

Get a hold of yourself.

I’m leaving if you are going to act crazy!

Stop acting this way!

Don’t speak to me like that! 

 

No.  We see an asthma attack as a medical event out of the person’s control and we make sure they have the medical assistance they need to recover and we offer them kindness, compassion, and understanding. We don’t blame them for their episode.  We don’t shame them.  We don’t tell them just to stop having the asthma attack and get over it. 

But we do that to our loved ones when they have anxiety attacks (and other mental illness episodes).

I know its hard to deal with a person having a mental health crisis especially if your loved one expresses anger when their anxiety flares up.  Verbal attacks are ugly and hurtful.  Emotional situations of any type can be volatile and lead to major fights and even violence.   And this happens with people with anxiety especially when their support system misunderstands the dynamics of this illness.


 

Ten Things to Keep in Mind When You Love Someone with Anxiety

 

  1. Anxiety is a medical illness that can require many levels of urgent treatment and long-term therapy. It’s not nervousness.  It’s not shyness.  It’s not a temper tantrum.  It’s a very real, very scary, medical illness. 

 

  1. The thought process of someone suffering an anxiety episode can be extremely chaotic and irrational. Negative thoughts, suspicion, finding fault in others to blame these feelings on, not being able to control their mind or slow their thoughts, making excuses, flaring temper, fear – intense fear, self-blame, wanting to stop the thoughts but being unable, knowing they’ve said something to offend but don’t know how to undo it, don’t know how to end the episode, and often want to die because of feeling they are alone, ashamed, guilty, and out of control.   It’s a complete shitstorm of chaos and lack of control of one’s own mind.  It’s awful.  It’s draining.  It’s so very hard to explain.

 

  1. Unlike someone with a physical illness, like asthma, the person carries immense guilt and shame after an episode making recovery hard and incomplete. It is utterly isolating in the aftermath.  A person with asthma has no need to apologize for an asthma attack.  Apologies are the minimum amends someone with anxiety often has to provide.  I’m sorry I couldn’t breathe.   I’m sorry my illness left me irrational and out of control.  

 

  1. It’s not personal. It feels so personal, I know.  But the things they are saying are a manifestation of the chaos in their own mind seeking relief.  It’s not about you, not really.

 

  1. When you react angry or frustrated or without compassion, it will increase their anxiety.

 

  1. Shaming and blaming leads to higher anxiety in future episodes because they know you will react negatively and uncaring. They know they are alone and ashamed for their urgent medical situation.  Anything you say during the episode needs to be with the intention of providing first aid and medical care.

 

  1. They just want to be helped. They want the medical care you would give to someone having an asthma attack.  They want talked off the ledge.  They want to be brought down out of their heads.  They want the negative thoughts to stop.  They want relief.  They want to be loved and cared for with kindness and compassion – especially when their illness makes them seem so unlovable.

 

  1. When you respond to an urgent medical episode with kindness and compassion, the next anxiety attack can be lessened because of the trust that they have that you will help them. Your support and compassion is what any partner deserves from you – and you deserve the same in return.  Be as supportive and kind as you can to get your loved one to a place of recovery from the episode.

 

  1. You can discuss the incident rationally after recovery. This includes any hurt feelings you have about things that were said in anxiety.  Do so with a desire to heal, not harm, blame or shame. .  Communicate your feelings, but during a medical event is just not a very good time.

 

  1. You deserve support and help too. Meet with your loved one’s doctors and therapists and make sure you practice self-care.  You don’t deserve to be harmed because you love someone.

 

You can love someone with mental illness, and we sure deserve to be loved for who we are – medical illness and all.  It’s not an easy path, but no illness is easy – not asthma, not cancer, not a broken leg.  Stress, frustration, and emotional wounds are easy to pile up.  Communicate.  Get support.  Take care of yourself.  Love as you would want to be loved.

I hope this helps.  Misunderstanding this illness makes everything so much more painful.

 

With love and hope,

 

♥ Genie

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Dear Genie #21

Dear Genie Header


Today’s letter is from someone with a general question on spirituality and not so much a personal problem.  I’m happy to answer any questions like this that you have as long as I feel I can answer it justly and within my professional parameters!  Just message me at the contact tab above.


 

Soul Question writes:

 

Dear Genie,

I saw a post the other day about things you can do that will be soul killers.  Can you kill your soul?  Can you be soulless?


 

Dear Soul Question,

No.

No, you absolutely cannot kill your soul.

Your soul is the everlasting part of you.  It remains once your physical body has gone.  It is your true self.

You can, however, disconnect from your soul in such a way that it seems you have lost, or killed, this part of you.  There are people who even seem to have no soul and we call them soulless.  These people are disconnected from their soul consciousness and from love.

This is a really great question, though, because it feels like hate and ego control the whole world right now.  I have to say that it’s quite scary watching the news – crazy weather and crazier politics!

It feels like the world is without a soul when we can lock babies in prison, bomb hospitals, set rapists free with no jail time,  befriend murdering dictators, slaughter people in the name of religion, and not hold the police accountable for executing unarmed civilians.  It should be common sense that these things are EVIL and yet we have a lot of people who disagree.   Where has compassion gone?  Where is temperance?  Where is love?  Where is soul?

It’s there – buried deep underneath limiting beliefs and paralyzing fear.

I could write all day about what causes limiting beliefs and why the Ego keeps us in survival mode level fear – but that isn’t going to help anyone reconnect with their soul.

What I can do is give a few things you can do if you desire a deeper connection with your own soul.  The more of us who create this deeper connection, the more we can model soulful behavior and lift the vibes of those around us to be better connected as well.

♥ Know who you are.  

One way to conquer fear is to know who you are and where you are heading.  This makes decision making easier, helps you clear toxic energy that gets you off your path, and really gives you confidence in living your life.  Knowing yourself is connecting to your true self – your soul.

♥ Self-Care is not Selfish!

When you take care of your holistic needs, you raise your vibe and your connection to your soul.   Your physical health, mental health, emotional health and spiritual health are all equally important.  (Mental and emotional are often in the same category, but I like to set them apart.  Mental is about your thoughts and beliefs.  Emotional is about your feelings – which sometimes come from your thoughts, but also come from your environment and from physical issues in the brain.)

When you care for yourself, you lose some of the fear of not being cared for by others.  You become self-responsible and that is hugely empowering.

♥ Live in Gratitude

Be grateful.  It’s the most amazing, yet simple, way to raise your vibes and connect to your true self.  Gratitude is the portal to the soul – it really is.  Appreciate the people in your life.  Admire nature.  Do no harm.  All of these are ways to express gratitude for the life you have and allow you to feel your soul connection.  This allows you to pay attention to your own life and not focus on what others have and what others are doing.  You begin to live in a way that makes you happy, and allow others the freedom to do the same.


 

Keep these in mind as you consider your question further and when you come across people who appear to have no soul.  Raise your vibes and allow yourself to affect the soul connection that others feel, too.   No one is lost.  No one’s soul is dead.   This is quite comforting to know.

Thank you for your question – it’s something we’ve all been wondering.

Love & Light,

♥♥♥Genie


soul disconnect


 

I’ll be co-hosting a summer broadcast series about choosing love over fear on our Choose Love Ministry Facebook Page and on Mixlr.  Check the broadcast tap for replays!