Dear Genie #23

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Dear Genie™ is back after several months hiatus!  Write A Letter!


Seeking Direction writes:

Dear Genie,

I have felt lost on my spiritual path for a long time because I was in a bad marriage and struggling financially and my life was just chaotic.  I stopped going to church years ago when my life was at its worst.  Now that I am divorced and getting things together, I want to work on my spiritual life again but church doesn’t feel right.  I don’t know where to begin.  I don’t consider myself an atheist, but I no longer believe in the things I was taught growing up.  I want to just try something different or maybe spirituality, but I don’t know where to start or what religion to try or who to seek to be a leader.  Any suggestions where to start? 


Dear Seeking Direction,

You have been through a lot and the transformation in your life is still happening.   It’s good that you have your physical life on the right track and are wanting to work on your soul self.  This is what holistic wellness is all about – bringing all the parts of YOU together in wellness.

And so, holistic wellness is a great place for you to start. 

I say this because trying a new religion, or deciding to abandon your old one, is something that should take time and be done when you are a little clearer on who you really are in truth.

Your spirit is your true self. 

It contains all the ingredients of who you were born to be – the lessons you were sent to learn – your hopes – your dreams – the YOU without fear, shame, and doubt.

Do you know this You?  Do you know what your desires and dreams were before the world told you it was impossible?  Do you remember who you were before the world told you that you were wrong or not enough?

A holistic wellness practice allows you to take care of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health and synergize them in to one YOU.   You get to know the signals from your body when something needs attention; You learn to recognize mental thoughts that you tell yourself that maybe aren’t the truth; You understand that emotions are just messages alerting you to something that needs healed; and, You reconnect to your soul self and begin to trust your inner voice – your intuition – once again.

A few things you can do to begin a holistic wellness practice:

  • Meditate
  • Practice gratitude
  • Spend time doing what YOU love
  • Clear your Chakras (A Reiki Session will do this)
  • Eat mindfully (know where your food comes from and honor the source)
  • Seek a group of life-minded friends
  • Explore other spiritual practices – talk to people of other faiths
  • Volunteer with animals, elderly, children
  • Spend time in nature
  • Spend time alone
  • Declutter your environment – and that includes ridding toxic people
  • Read

And most importantly, through all these activities, get to know who you really are – what you really believe – what you really want for your life – how you really want to spend your time.  This is a spiritual path.  

It’s then that you’ll be able to choose a religious path, or not.

Best wishes,


you become you


About Dr. Genie

genie mathewsI’m Dr. Genie and I am “officially” a Metaphysician and Transpersonal Counselor.  I realize that those labels mean absolutely nothing to most people, so allow me to explain…





Metaphysics is the study of that which is beyond the physical.   It’s the study of the ethereal world where matter does not exist, there are no atoms or particles, no laws of physics, and no physical tools to measure its existence.  This is the world of thoughts, beliefs, dreams, emotions, and memories – the world of Human Consciousness.  

Metaphysicians study Human Consciousness.

Transpersonal Counseling, a.k.a Spiritual Counseling,  is an area of psychology and philosophy that works with consciousness beyond one’s personal/physical identity (a.k.a. EGO.)

This area of counseling is not psychotherapy.  It’s a holistic practice which synergizes the mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual areas of health and wellness in order to connect with the consciousness beyond EGO, what I call SOUL CONSCIOUSNESS.  This soul connection helps you heal self-esteem, make better decisions, be more creative, live your passion and dreams, and come from a place of love instead of fear.

I work with your consciousness, your awareness – your perspective – to help you connect with your soul. 

We rarely judge things as they really are in life.  Instead, we filter our experience through our individual lens of personal perspective.

This lens is made up of layers of memories, past experience, past emotions, future expectations, and the unconscious belief system that was INSTALLED in us before we were 8 years old.  We were given the beliefs of our parents, grandparents, teachers, older siblings, and even TV shows before we were old enough to form our own.  When we grow up we don’t even realize we have many of these beliefs until they become a problem.

All of these layers of perspective that are built in to our lens filter make it difficult, if not impossible, to view life events as they are in reality.  This lens is biased and will not show us the truth, instead giving us a version of the experience that aligns with our belief system and memories.

If you grew up with your parents calling each other names, you will most likely repeat that behavior because your unconscious mind created the belief that this is how adults deal with each other.  Even if you try to change this behavior by making a better choice, unless you “mind hack” the belief, this behavior will always reappear because your mind believes this is the way to behave.   You probably don’t even realize you have this belief, and that makes it impossible to heal.

The filter is there to protect us and uses fear, pain, and limiting beliefs to “keep us safe”. This system of filtering our experience has a name; EGO, or, Ego Consciousness.

What happens is that our perspective can keep us stuck in life.  It can keep us from making good decisions.  It can keep us from dealing with our own shizz – mistakes and flaws.  Perspective can keep us from getting close to other people and even keep them from getting close to us.  It also keeps us disconnected from our truth – our intuition – our inner voice – our soul.

And this is where I can help!

I can work with you to discover your layers of perspective that keep you from moving forward, from being successful, or from living a life of joy and happiness!

Using the Life Leadership Paragon™ and Holistic Synergy Coaching™ methods, we can work together to remove the lens of fear, self-doubt, limiting beliefs and unconscious biases to bring about a more clear and unfiltered perspective.

The results are that eventually you will be free from the filter of EGO altogether and it will be replaced by our natural state of awareness – Soul Consciousness.

What I do is help you move through areas of your life where you are struggling.  I support your transformation from experiencing life through fear to living a life from love.   That is really all there is to what I do and who I am as a person. ♥

If you are interested in a free consultation with me, in person or over the phone, please visit the APPOINTMENTS tab to contact me.

break to transform

Dear Genie #22

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This week’s letter is from someone wondering if they are to blame for being ghosted.   This is a big topic in our world today as we become more disconnected to one another.
If you would like to send a letter to Dear Genie, click the “contact” tab above.


Rejected in the U.S.A writes:

Dear Genie,

I’ve always been a guarded person for as long as I can remember. The shy quiet kid to the socially awkward adult. It takes a lot for me to open up and reach out to others. Somehow though I’ve managed to enjoy some very intimate long lasting friendships in my life. Here is the problem. It seems as though all of those end suddenly without warning. I find myself ghosted. If that doesn’t happen I find a new friendship that seems to be growing and connecting will suddenly seem like the other person starts to back off. If that happens I start to wonder if I’m being too much for them. Then I feel rejected and will just stop trying to move forward with them all together because I feel hurt. It confused me because as I said if anything I hold back and wait for them to open up before I dare to. So how can I be too much? I’m not sure why this happens. I feel like opening up to people just ends up getting me hurt and wondering what I did wrong?I’m not sure if you can offer any insight to this but maybe you can give it some thought. Thank you.


Dear Rejected,

I’ve always given the advice that you should just be you and the right people will come in to your life.  You attract who you are.  Likewise, we are drawn to people who are similar to us in some way – maybe even in a way we don’t recognize within our self.

I can’t answer why people ghost you and other people – each person has a different reason and none of those reasons make us feel better for having been ghosted.  People get busy.  People change.  People see something in others that triggers something within themselves and they run from that.  Some people are also shy and not comfortable getting too close to others and back off when they feel expectations are being set for their friendship.  And, sometimes people are just passive-aggressive and choose to deal with conflict, offenses, and differences by shutting down and walking away.

Notice the common thread in all those reasons; them.  Their thoughts. Their behavior. Their choices.  Even if you are “too much”, it is something within them that causes them to feel you are “too much”, not your behavior.  It’s their own thoughts and beliefs about the world and themselves that determines if they think you are too much or not.

Retrospection is always good after a situation where someone “unfriends” you.   Asking yourself questions like…

  • Was I giving in the relationship as much as I was taking?
  • Was I my true self or pretending to be someone else?
  • Was there anything hurtful I said or did that caused them pain?
  • Were there areas where I was passive-aggressive and left them wondering why I backed-off?

If you feel like you were authentic and a good friend, then let the friendship go knowing you followed your integrity and that it was something inside of them that sent them away.  Wish them peace and healing.

If you can see some areas where you behaved out of your integrity and true self, then work on the thoughts and behaviors that led you to be inauthentic.

You cannot control the behavior of others, but you are responsible for your own growth and self-healing.

Some things I can see from your letter that you might want to dive in to:

Why do you hold back and wait for them to open up first?  (Are you worried about being judged?  Do you feel unworthy? What self-healing can you do to be more open and authentic?)

Why do you stop trying when you feel they have rejected you?  (Do you ask them why they “backed-off”? Do you see if they need supported in some area that they are struggling with? What can you do to be more assertive or ensure you aren’t overthinking things?)

These are just some questions about your own inner thoughts and beliefs that may be holding you back from being authentic and assertive in your relationships.  That doesn’t make you to blame or wrong.  It just means that you, like every single other human being on this planet, have  healing and growing to do.

I believe there is a lesson in every experience.  All we can do is learn the lesson, grow, heal, and live our lives as happy and peaceful as possible.

Thank you for the letter.  I hope I’ve helped you realize that you aren’t to blame or responsible for the behavior and choices of others – only your own.

Be Yourself. Do your best.  That’s all anyone can ever ask for in a friend.


All a friend can ask for


Join me for the 8-Week Holistic Self-Healing Safari beginning in July!  Hosted locally!

When You Love Someone with Anxiety

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A little early with this blog, but it was important for me to share with you today.  I want to make it clear that I am not a psychologist and my counseling credential is non-medical.  I do not diagnose or treat medical conditions.  This blog is from my own experience with anxiety and the long road I took to get those close to me to understand the dynamics of this illness.


Loving someone with an illness is never easy no matter what the illness.  Mental illness is especially hard because there are no physical signs of the medical problem. It’s hard to remember that the behavior that occurs during and anxiety attack is actually part of a  chronic illness.

To make it even more difficult, you, as a loved one, can often be the target for emotionally charged assaults that are the manifestation of the inner chaotic thoughts going on in the mind of someone suffering an anxiety episode.  Anxiety manifests in lots of different ways but is always emotional.  Anger,  sobbing, illogical comments, fear, blaming, hysterics, and even shutting down are some of the ways that a person having an episode will react.

You feel like you are being attacked.  You feel like they are just trying to get attention.  You feel like they are being dramatic.  You feel like they are manipulating you.  You are taking their behavior very personally and feel angry and frustrated in return.

This is a natural reaction when you view the situation that way.  It is not easy being involved in your loved one’s anxiety episode.  It isn’t fair to feel like you are on the receiving end of an attack.

But, then, it isn’t fair for your loved one to be considered a crazy, bitchy, psycho, attention seeking, drama queen when in reality they have a health condition that creates these medically urgent events.

That’s right.  An anxiety attack is a medically urgent event.  That means it requires some level of medical attention – whether self-medication, partner supported medical assistance, or, when severe, a trip to the hospital or therapist.

Imagine someone with asthma.  When they have an asthma attack it is a medically urgent situation which requires immediate attention.  They medicate themselves with a nebulizer or inhaler, or someone assists them if necessary.  If it is severe enough, emergency services are requested.

What doesn’t happen with a person having an asthma attack is for their loved one to say to them,

Did you take your meds?

What is wrong with you?!

You’re acting crazy!

You’re just trying to get attention!

Get a hold of yourself.

I’m leaving if you are going to act crazy!

Stop acting this way!

Don’t speak to me like that! 


No.  We see an asthma attack as a medical event out of the person’s control and we make sure they have the medical assistance they need to recover and we offer them kindness, compassion, and understanding. We don’t blame them for their episode.  We don’t shame them.  We don’t tell them just to stop having the asthma attack and get over it. 

But we do that to our loved ones when they have anxiety attacks (and other mental illness episodes).

I know its hard to deal with a person having a mental health crisis especially if your loved one expresses anger when their anxiety flares up.  Verbal attacks are ugly and hurtful.  Emotional situations of any type can be volatile and lead to major fights and even violence.   And this happens with people with anxiety especially when their support system misunderstands the dynamics of this illness.


Ten Things to Keep in Mind When You Love Someone with Anxiety


  1. Anxiety is a medical illness that can require many levels of urgent treatment and long-term therapy. It’s not nervousness.  It’s not shyness.  It’s not a temper tantrum.  It’s a very real, very scary, medical illness. 


  1. The thought process of someone suffering an anxiety episode can be extremely chaotic and irrational. Negative thoughts, suspicion, finding fault in others to blame these feelings on, not being able to control their mind or slow their thoughts, making excuses, flaring temper, fear – intense fear, self-blame, wanting to stop the thoughts but being unable, knowing they’ve said something to offend but don’t know how to undo it, don’t know how to end the episode, and often want to die because of feeling they are alone, ashamed, guilty, and out of control.   It’s a complete shitstorm of chaos and lack of control of one’s own mind.  It’s awful.  It’s draining.  It’s so very hard to explain.


  1. Unlike someone with a physical illness, like asthma, the person carries immense guilt and shame after an episode making recovery hard and incomplete. It is utterly isolating in the aftermath.  A person with asthma has no need to apologize for an asthma attack.  Apologies are the minimum amends someone with anxiety often has to provide.  I’m sorry I couldn’t breathe.   I’m sorry my illness left me irrational and out of control.  


  1. It’s not personal. It feels so personal, I know.  But the things they are saying are a manifestation of the chaos in their own mind seeking relief.  It’s not about you, not really.


  1. When you react angry or frustrated or without compassion, it will increase their anxiety.


  1. Shaming and blaming leads to higher anxiety in future episodes because they know you will react negatively and uncaring. They know they are alone and ashamed for their urgent medical situation.  Anything you say during the episode needs to be with the intention of providing first aid and medical care.


  1. They just want to be helped. They want the medical care you would give to someone having an asthma attack.  They want talked off the ledge.  They want to be brought down out of their heads.  They want the negative thoughts to stop.  They want relief.  They want to be loved and cared for with kindness and compassion – especially when their illness makes them seem so unlovable.


  1. When you respond to an urgent medical episode with kindness and compassion, the next anxiety attack can be lessened because of the trust that they have that you will help them. Your support and compassion is what any partner deserves from you – and you deserve the same in return.  Be as supportive and kind as you can to get your loved one to a place of recovery from the episode.


  1. You can discuss the incident rationally after recovery. This includes any hurt feelings you have about things that were said in anxiety.  Do so with a desire to heal, not harm, blame or shame. .  Communicate your feelings, but during a medical event is just not a very good time.


  1. You deserve support and help too. Meet with your loved one’s doctors and therapists and make sure you practice self-care.  You don’t deserve to be harmed because you love someone.


You can love someone with mental illness, and we sure deserve to be loved for who we are – medical illness and all.  It’s not an easy path, but no illness is easy – not asthma, not cancer, not a broken leg.  Stress, frustration, and emotional wounds are easy to pile up.  Communicate.  Get support.  Take care of yourself.  Love as you would want to be loved.

I hope this helps.  Misunderstanding this illness makes everything so much more painful.


With love and hope,


♥ Genie

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Dear Genie #21

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Today’s letter is from someone with a general question on spirituality and not so much a personal problem.  I’m happy to answer any questions like this that you have as long as I feel I can answer it justly and within my professional parameters!  Just message me at the contact tab above.


Soul Question writes:


Dear Genie,

I saw a post the other day about things you can do that will be soul killers.  Can you kill your soul?  Can you be soulless?


Dear Soul Question,


No, you absolutely cannot kill your soul.

Your soul is the everlasting part of you.  It remains once your physical body has gone.  It is your true self.

You can, however, disconnect from your soul in such a way that it seems you have lost, or killed, this part of you.  There are people who even seem to have no soul and we call them soulless.  These people are disconnected from their soul consciousness and from love.

This is a really great question, though, because it feels like hate and ego control the whole world right now.  I have to say that it’s quite scary watching the news – crazy weather and crazier politics!

It feels like the world is without a soul when we can lock babies in prison, bomb hospitals, set rapists free with no jail time,  befriend murdering dictators, slaughter people in the name of religion, and not hold the police accountable for executing unarmed civilians.  It should be common sense that these things are EVIL and yet we have a lot of people who disagree.   Where has compassion gone?  Where is temperance?  Where is love?  Where is soul?

It’s there – buried deep underneath limiting beliefs and paralyzing fear.

I could write all day about what causes limiting beliefs and why the Ego keeps us in survival mode level fear – but that isn’t going to help anyone reconnect with their soul.

What I can do is give a few things you can do if you desire a deeper connection with your own soul.  The more of us who create this deeper connection, the more we can model soulful behavior and lift the vibes of those around us to be better connected as well.

♥ Know who you are.  

One way to conquer fear is to know who you are and where you are heading.  This makes decision making easier, helps you clear toxic energy that gets you off your path, and really gives you confidence in living your life.  Knowing yourself is connecting to your true self – your soul.

♥ Self-Care is not Selfish!

When you take care of your holistic needs, you raise your vibe and your connection to your soul.   Your physical health, mental health, emotional health and spiritual health are all equally important.  (Mental and emotional are often in the same category, but I like to set them apart.  Mental is about your thoughts and beliefs.  Emotional is about your feelings – which sometimes come from your thoughts, but also come from your environment and from physical issues in the brain.)

When you care for yourself, you lose some of the fear of not being cared for by others.  You become self-responsible and that is hugely empowering.

♥ Live in Gratitude

Be grateful.  It’s the most amazing, yet simple, way to raise your vibes and connect to your true self.  Gratitude is the portal to the soul – it really is.  Appreciate the people in your life.  Admire nature.  Do no harm.  All of these are ways to express gratitude for the life you have and allow you to feel your soul connection.  This allows you to pay attention to your own life and not focus on what others have and what others are doing.  You begin to live in a way that makes you happy, and allow others the freedom to do the same.


Keep these in mind as you consider your question further and when you come across people who appear to have no soul.  Raise your vibes and allow yourself to affect the soul connection that others feel, too.   No one is lost.  No one’s soul is dead.   This is quite comforting to know.

Thank you for your question – it’s something we’ve all been wondering.

Love & Light,


soul disconnect


I’ll be co-hosting a summer broadcast series about choosing love over fear on our Choose Love Ministry Facebook Page and on Mixlr.  Check the broadcast tap for replays!

Dear Genie #20

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This week’s letter is from a young adult who was not happy with some of my parenting advice from last week’s #ChooseLove Broadcast.  


Already an Adult, writes:

Dear Genie,

My mom made me listen to your podcast last week and then she said it was time for me to grow up. I got real angry because why should things change when  I’m trying to finish school and I can’t do everything. She said things don’t have to change and I don’t understand what she wants.  How do I become this adult you talk about, but still get help from my mom to finish school?  I can’t finish school without her help, but I also think I’m an adult because I’m working hard and when I get out of school I’ll be taking care of myself.   


Dear Already an Adult,

So, listen. The first thing I need to say is that getting some help from your parents while in college – especially financially – is not what I was talking about.  If the only help you get from your mom is a bit of financial assistance (and I hope you are also working part time during the week to help yourself), then my broadcast wasn’t specifically about you.

But, if you aren’t working a job at all and if your mom is supplementing your social life along with all your basic needs, then that is a problem.  Adults only ask for help with things they cannot help themselves with.  That’s self-responsibility 101.  Never do for others that which they could and should be doing for themselves.

Financial assistance aside – are you responsible for yourself in other ways?  Can you make your own doctor appointments?  Can you go pick up cold medicine for yourself?  Can you get the oil changed in your car by yourself?  Do you do your own grocery shopping?  Can you budget the money you get from your mom or from working?  Do you get yourself up in the morning?  Do you wash your own clothes?

These things all require you to be able to make good decisions and have the confidence to make them. 

How does one learn to make good decisions with confidence?  You need to make a lot of decisions on your own and learn the lessons from the ones that turn out to be not so good.  Learning the lessons means you don’t repeat bad decisions.

The way you learn the lessons of your bad choices is by being responsible for them.  That means no excuses.  That means owning your behavior.  That means mom doesn’t “bail you out.”

Example:  Let’s say you spend your grocery money on a weekend out with friends.  You now have no money for food for the week.  Don’t even think about asking mom to bring you some groceries or give you more money.  That’s not what an adult does.   You need to find a way to feed yourself even if it means selling something you like to make some quick cash.  I can guarantee you that spending your grocery money in other ways will not be a choice you make again.  It’s a great lesson to learn and you can only learn it by being responsible for your choices.  So, learn the lesson – forgive yourself – and move on making a better choice with confidence next time.

Only in having the freedom to make mistakes can you become confident in making better decisions for yourself.  Only in self-responsibility will you learn and grow. 


The other thing I talked about that you need to become an adult is that you must learn that you are not the center of the universe.  The world does not revolve around you.  I know that is hard to hear because up until this point you have probably been the center of your mom’s universe.  Not being her priority, her main focus, or her entire life, does not mean she loves you less.  It means she loves you as a self-sufficient, free-thinking, competent adult.

You want that.  You want to be all those things.  You want to operate with the wisdom that no one owes you anything and also that you have the free-will to make your way in life in the manner you choose.  You want to be the person in control of your life.

If you are dependent on someone else to fill your emotional, mental, physical needs (food, clothing, shelter), then you are not free.  You are dependent on being the center of someone else’s life, instead of the being the center of your own.

You want to be free.  Because love should feel free.  Your mom’s love for you isn’t conditional on her control over your life.  Your love for your mom isn’t conditional on you needing her.   Free-will allows you to respect yourself and gives you confidence to soar high to reach your dreams.   And, it allows your mom to soar in the next stage of her life with the freedom to pursue her own dreams.

To recap, these are the three markers we reach when we go from being a child to becoming an adult:

  1. Physical growth in to an adult body.
  2. Mental growth in to self-responsibility and making confident decisions.
  3. Emotional & Spiritual growth of being independent with respect for free-will of self and others.


So, here is the thing – your mom can help you as you finish school.  No worries!  But, take some of that responsibility on yourself as much as you can.  Do not allow her to do for you what you can do for yourself.  And show her a ton of gratitude and love for everything she does for you – not because you have to, but because you want her to feel loved and appreciated and joyful.


Good luck finishing school!

♥ Genie

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Dear Genie #19

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To send me a letter you would like considered for advice, DM me on Facebook, Instagram or on my website,


Can’t Decide, writes;


Dear Genie, 

I’ve got a decision to make and I just can’t do it.  I’ve been in a relationship thats not great and my mom has asked me to move to live with her and start my life over.  I’m not ready to give up on my boyfriend but a new life would maybe be what I need.  How do I decide this?  Help! 


Dear Can’t Decide,

Well, this is certainly a life changing decision, yes?  If you move your life will certainly change. If you stay then you have made the decision that this is the life you want – right?  Because if you stay then you are choosing the way things are and choosing to live with the responsibility of that.

(I assume you have nothing else holding you where you are – job, children, other obligations – just deciding if you want to leave your relationship behind.) 

See, I have a feeling you are thinking that things with the boyfriend will get better or change.  Those are possibilities.  They are potential events.  They are hopes and wishes and dreams.  They also are not real.  They are figments of your imagination.  They are fantasy.  What makes imagination truth is ACTION.  Is your boyfriend doing anything – taking any action – to create the relationship you desire and think it can be one-day-maybe-you-hope?

To make a decision you must get real.  You must face the truth.  And you must make a decision based on that truth and accept the consequences for that choice.  You are not a victim or bound to anyone else’s choice or behavior.  You have the power in your own life to choose what you want.  Accept what is real and understand what is not real.  Then take your power back for yourself.

Have you told your boyfriend what you desire from the relationship?  If not, now maybe is the time.  How does he feel about that?  What does he desire from the relationship?  How do you feel about that?

Get to the truth of your relationship.  Accept it for what it is, not what you hope it to be.  You’ll find a decision is easier to make once you get down to the truth.  Either you want that truth or you don’t.

In Love & Light,


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The Love Stones

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My father passed away a week ago today.  I was estranged from him most of my adult life, but that didn’t seem to make his passing easier.  Feelings of guilt over not seeing him, plus the anger and resentment that kept me away from him really had me struggling this past week.  I was very blessed to have support from some very dear family members – my siblings and my cousins.

I’ve got lots of family, but this particular group of family are the “my generation” family.  We grew up in the same era with the same hair and the same clothes and seeing the same world events unfold.  Generation X.  The children of Boomers.  The victims of 80s hair bands.

My siblings and I didn’t live near our cousins growing up.  Our parents were siblings, but they weren’t very close.  As children, we weren’t close either.  One cousin we saw a couple times a year, while others we saw a couple times a decade.   And yet, our lives were more similar and heartbreaking than can be imagined.

All of us have tales of estrangement from a parent, of living with a parent with chronic illness and disability, of parents divorce, and of living at a distance from family, either physically or emotionally.

I can’t speak for them, but for me it seems that we all have a common thread of pain.  At one time or another we had to live with the loss of a parent’s love – whether by choice or by circumstance.  For me, this loss has been a force in my life that kept me unwell for many years, but which also created the awakening that put me on this path as a healer.

For all the frustration and annoyance of social media, it is that medium that has allowed me to reconnect and stay connected with my brothers, sisters, and cousins in a way that would never have happened otherwise.  Having them in my life has been very healing because they, more than anyone, really get it.  They know my pain.  They know our family.  They have walked in my shoes.   When I’ve struggled to get others to understand, these are the the people that give me peace of mind – validation – compassion – understanding.

As we gathered at my father’s funeral over the weekend, I wanted to offer them each something to symbolize our bond as family and as people who have walked with similar struggles.  I wanted to give them something that would offer some comfort in the future.  When we went out to dinner after the service, I gave them each one of these…




Everyone got a “Love Stone’.  But, it was so chaotic I didn’t get to explain just how special these stones are between all of us.   So, this blog is really for them – to explain the purpose of the love stones.


These are not just rocks with the word “love” you guys.  There is a bond between all of them.  While they were nestled in the muslin bag I carried them in, I gave them Reiki and infused them with lots of love energy.  They are forever linked together through this energy – sort of like a metaphysical quantum entanglement.

When two particles are under the influence of quantum entanglement,  it means that whatever you do to one particle the same happens instantaneously with the other particle no matter how far apart they might be.  With our love stones, when you want to send some love long distance, you can place that energy in to your stone and ALL of the other stones will be filled with love.  And when you need a bit of love to get you through, you only need to hold your stone to your heart and ALL of the other stones will send love to you.  

We lost an uncle and a father and the hope of love when my dad passed.   We can’t get time back.  We can’t get back the love we never got.  We can’t replace the love we lost.  But, we can make sure that each of us never feels unloved or lacking in love in the future.  We are family.  Never forget we have each other.


These kinds of stones are easy to find in gift shops and metaphysical shops.  When you get one to give as a gift, infuse it with the energy of the intention, or word, on the stone.  It really will give it a powerful vibe lift.

Triggered: Flipping the “B” Switch

wednesday wisdom

Wisdom Wednesdays is my weekly blog on the topic I am discussing throughout my Facebook LIVES, broadcasts, and social media posts for the week.  Submit your topic requests to me using the contact tab above. 


My mission in 2019 is to promote ACTION in our lives.  Action, not only in taking physical movements forward on our goals, but also in clearing up our limiting thinking and beliefs that keep us stuck and unable to emotionally and mentally move forward.

This week I am focused on TRIGGERS.  Jay & I hosted our weekly broadcast on the subject yesterday.  You can see the replay on my Facebook page,  Dr. Genie Mathews, Spiritual Synergist.  You can also browse the audio archives with the #ChooseLove Broadcast tab above.


A trigger is a situation that causes a reaction to the stored memory of a traumatic event that may have occurred long ago. 

When you are triggered you are not reacting to the current life situation, you are reacting to some event from your past that caused you pain – deeply wounding pain.  You may feel shamed, embarrassed, humiliated, sadness, anger, rage, victimized, or even feel stabbing physical pain in the body.   The situation feels like the same trauma, even though it most likely is not the same at all.  The trigger elicits an emotional reaction from you equal to the emotional memory of the deeply painful traumatic event of your past – so it certainly feels the same emotionally, even if the intention and situation are wholly different now.

To the outside world, a person who is having a triggering reaction appears to be overreacting to a small problem.  I’ve been called a “b*tch”, a “psycho”, “spoiled”, “difficult”, and lots of other names to describe dealing with me in situations that I can attribute to traumatic memory reactions – a symptom often part of PTSD.   People thought I was just crazy because they couldn’t possibly have known what is in my memory and what emotional wounds I have stored inside.  They only knew that I flipped the b*tch switch and they had no idea why I was so “sensitive”. (ugh, I hate that – and “snowflake”!!)

If you’ve had these situations come up for you and then find yourself attacked by others who don’t understand, you often are left feeling further victimized and pile on more pain to the original trauma.  The next time this trigger shows up your reaction is going to include another level of shame, fear, anger, rage, and pain.

I still get triggered even though I have learned healing and coping tools over the years to help myself.  I’ve gotten over many, but I have some I’m still mind-hacking.  I call it mind-hacking because your memories, thoughts, and beliefs are all stored in little neurological files in the mind.  When you have an event happen in your life you attach thoughts, beliefs and emotional meaning to it in your memory file.  Each time the emotional trigger comes up your brain opens that file and all those thoughts and feelings come up – it’s an automatic reaction.

Thoughts and beliefs can be overwritten (mind-hacked) in to new thoughts and beliefs with action.  Automatic Reactions can be transformed in to Healed Responses. 

A while back I ran in to a big chain department store to quickly pick up something.  I was in a rush as we were going somewhere and the lines were backed up at the cashiers.  I detest self-checkout because each store is different and stuff doesn’t scan and it’s just a hassle, but I had one thing to purchase and I took a chance on just being able to swipe my item and go.

Wrong.  When does it ever work out like that – right?

The problem came with payment and the cards with chips situation.  Some places you put the card in when the transaction starts.  Some places you wait until you are done.  I put my card in when I started to check out.  When it was time to pay, the screen kept saying “insert your card”.  Ugh.  I was supposed to wait.  Okay so I decided to take out the card and insert it again.

Wrong.  Beeping noises.  Lights flashing.  “Your transaction has been cancelled” on the screen.


Enter the oh so friendly and condescending self-checkout helper to scold me for removing my card.

See.  I have a “don’t talk to me like I’m stupid” trigger.  I discussed this on the broadcast yesterday so I’m not going to go much deeper in to it other than to say it stems from years of being told how stupid I was by a parent.   I STILL have a rage response to this trigger.  I feel shamed, embarrassed, helpless, voiceless, powerless, unheard, unwanted, unloved.  This is a deeeeeep emotional wound for me and when someone talks down to me or causes me to feel stupid – man, I flip the b*tch switch and turn that energy all the way up.

I was not nice to that person that day and minutes later I was ashamed of my behavior which added more shame and pain to the trigger.  I was a nut.  I was not in control of my own behavior.  I was in victim mindset and she was somehow attacking me by reminding me to wait until the screen told me to put my card in the machine.  “Overreaction on lane 1!”

She did nothing but do her job and be herself.  I am responsible for that situation becoming ugly.  100% me and my unhealed wound.


People have different ways they express their triggered emotions.  Some people cry.  Some people freeze in panic.  Some people use humor or sarcasm to cover their pain.  Some people withdrawal.  Some people get angry.  One thing is clear – the REAL emotion of the traumatic event is always hidden beneath where it is safe from more pain.

My real emotion from above was shame and humiliation and feeling invalidated.  I don’t express those emotions when I am triggered.  I get really angry and defensive.  Those real emotions are never dealt with because they are stuffed way down deep with that little girl who was told she was stupid.  To keep her safe, I trained myself to react with anger and defensiveness.  Now anytime I feel embarrassed or ashamed or invalidated, I don’t present those feelings, I react in anger.  I flip the switch.

Does this sound like you?  It sounds like a lot people.  And we aren’t bad people.  We are people who are surviving the best we can with the tools and knowledge we have.  When we know better, we can heal and be better.


How can we heal this if it is an automatic reaction and if the memory controls how we act?

You have to take action.  You have to mind-hack the reaction.

You cannot change the past traumatic experience, but you can change how you react to similar emotional situations. 

You have to have a plan on how to deal with these reactions and then work the plan with each incident as they come up.  Your plan has to include acknowledging you have a trigger to a certain situation and knowing what the real emotions you are feeling underneath the overreaction. Your behavior may be showing anger or crying or having a break down.  What is that behavior covering up and protecting you from?  Are you embarrassed?  Are you frightened? Are you feeling worthless?

While anger is certainly part of how I feel about the verbal abuse I went through as a child, the stronger emotions of shame and invalidation are the real triggers.  Those are the emotions I need to heal.

Once you are in the midst of a triggered situation, as soon as you can, try to center and ground yourself. Come back in to your own thinking and recover under your own control. To do this have several affirmations you can repeat to yourself.

Mine would be:

I am safe.

I am competent.

This person is not my parent.

This person is not trying to shame me.

I am valid.

I am not shamed.

I am not embarrassed.

This is not the trauma of my childhood.


These sentences will help me come out of the trigger and take responsibility for my behavior.  After all, it is not up to someone else to understand why we are triggered and  overreacting to a situation – it’s up to us to take the action we need to heal and be responsible for our own behavior.

Each time you have a triggering event do the work to heal.  This is how you will hack your mind.   Eventually, with use, your affirmations will become how you respond to triggering events in replacement of the painful emotions from the past.  I am very much looking forward to thinking of myself as safe and competent and calm, instead of “oh no she did not just treat me like I’m stupid!”

It’s hard work, this self-acceptance and self-healing.  It takes ACTION, and this is the year of taking action!  We can stop living as victims of our past and move forward in our own light and our own power!  The path to joy and happiness is taking responsibility for our lives today, regardless of our past.  We can live in joy and I want that so much for you!

In Light & Healing,



Dear Genie #18

home page box dear genie

This week’s Dear Genie Letter came to me from someone on social media.  I answered them directly, but thought their issue would be a good life lesson others can take from.  My response here is a much expanded and more broad response for anyone feeling life is dealing them a string of negativity.  


Bad Luck writes:

(this letter is paraphrased from our social media DM conversation)

Dear Genie, 

I’ve had a string of bad luck in the last couple years.  My life has been hell.  I think someone may have put a spell on me.  I was wondering what you think?


Dear Bad Luck,

Would you believe me if I told you that things like “bad luck”, “curses”, “living in hell”, or “spells placed on me”, are all things we do to ourselves because we believe someone else or something else can give us this bad energy.  We believe it can happen – it happens.  Voila!  Law of Attraction 101.

We create our reality.

I know that’s hard to believe, but it’s true.

But what about victims who go through traumatic experience?  Are you saying it’s their fault?

No. Not at all.  There are exceptions to every rule.  And those who have terrible things happen to them in which they had no choice, no power, no control – they did not create that experience.  The perpetrator created it.  Accidents happen.  Disease occurs in this toxic world.

There are things beyond our control.  Good things and bad.  I’m not talking about those things in this response.  I’m talking about things you do have control over and situations in which you do have a choice.   These are 99.9% of the situations in  your life.  So let’s just deal with them.

How we deal with them is to rewrite limiting beliefs we have in our minds about luck and chance and karma and other people having any control over our energy.   Here are some affirmations that will get that started:

No one controls my thoughts but me. 

No one can place a spell on me without my permission. 

My energy is safe from unwanted intrusion. 

I am safe from other people’s intentions. 

I am in control of my life.

My life is a beautiful creation. 

I live with intention. 

My life is defined by me. 

Hell is a creation of my mind.

How I respond to life creates my energy.  

I choose my energy by choosing my thoughts.   

I choose to respond to life in a positive way. 

I choose to take action to create my own luck. 


You don’t need to believe these affirmations are true.  Just begin saying them daily.  Change begins with a thought.  These daily thoughts will become habits.  Eventually, they will become your response to life situations.  You’ll begin to tell life that you are in control, instead of seeing life as events that just happen to you.  You will begin to notice a lot more positive happening in your life as your thoughts about your own personal power over your life grows.


Transform your thoughts and you transform your life. 


Transformation takes time and this is just a first step.  But always know that the  power is within you.

You can do this!


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