The Love Stones

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My father passed away a week ago today.  I was estranged from him most of my adult life, but that didn’t seem to make his passing easier.  Feelings of guilt over not seeing him, plus the anger and resentment that kept me away from him really had me struggling this past week.  I was very blessed to have support from some very dear family members – my siblings and my cousins.

I’ve got lots of family, but this particular group of family are the “my generation” family.  We grew up in the same era with the same hair and the same clothes and seeing the same world events unfold.  Generation X.  The children of Boomers.  The victims of 80s hair bands.

My siblings and I didn’t live near our cousins growing up.  Our parents were siblings, but they weren’t very close.  As children, we weren’t close either.  One cousin we saw a couple times a year, while others we saw a couple times a decade.   And yet, our lives were more similar and heartbreaking than can be imagined.

All of us have tales of estrangement from a parent, of living with a parent with chronic illness and disability, of parents divorce, and of living at a distance from family, either physically or emotionally.

I can’t speak for them, but for me it seems that we all have a common thread of pain.  At one time or another we had to live with the loss of a parent’s love – whether by choice or by circumstance.  For me, this loss has been a force in my life that kept me unwell for many years, but which also created the awakening that put me on this path as a healer.


For all the frustration and annoyance of social media, it is that medium that has allowed me to reconnect and stay connected with my brothers, sisters, and cousins in a way that would never have happened otherwise.  Having them in my life has been very healing because they, more than anyone, really get it.  They know my pain.  They know our family.  They have walked in my shoes.   When I’ve struggled to get others to understand, these are the the people that give me peace of mind – validation – compassion – understanding.

As we gathered at my father’s funeral over the weekend, I wanted to offer them each something to symbolize our bond as family and as people who have walked with similar struggles.  I wanted to give them something that would offer some comfort in the future.  When we went out to dinner after the service, I gave them each one of these…

 

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Everyone got a “Love Stone’.  But, it was so chaotic I didn’t get to explain just how special these stones are between all of us.   So, this blog is really for them – to explain the purpose of the love stones.

 


These are not just rocks with the word “love” you guys.  There is a bond between all of them.  While they were nestled in the muslin bag I carried them in, I gave them Reiki and infused them with lots of love energy.  They are forever linked together through this energy – sort of like a metaphysical quantum entanglement.

When two particles are under the influence of quantum entanglement,  it means that whatever you do to one particle the same happens instantaneously with the other particle no matter how far apart they might be.  With our love stones, when you want to send some love long distance, you can place that energy in to your stone and ALL of the other stones will be filled with love.  And when you need a bit of love to get you through, you only need to hold your stone to your heart and ALL of the other stones will send love to you.  

We lost an uncle and a father and the hope of love when my dad passed.   We can’t get time back.  We can’t get back the love we never got.  We can’t replace the love we lost.  But, we can make sure that each of us never feels unloved or lacking in love in the future.  We are family.  Never forget we have each other.


 

These kinds of stones are easy to find in gift shops and metaphysical shops.  When you get one to give as a gift, infuse it with the energy of the intention, or word, on the stone.  It really will give it a powerful vibe lift.

Triggered: Flipping the “B” Switch

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Wisdom Wednesdays is my weekly blog on the topic I am discussing throughout my Facebook LIVES, broadcasts, and social media posts for the week.  Submit your topic requests to me using the contact tab above. 


 

My mission in 2019 is to promote ACTION in our lives.  Action, not only in taking physical movements forward on our goals, but also in clearing up our limiting thinking and beliefs that keep us stuck and unable to emotionally and mentally move forward.

This week I am focused on TRIGGERS.  Jay & I hosted our weekly broadcast on the subject yesterday.  You can see the replay on my Facebook page,  Dr. Genie Mathews, Spiritual Synergist.  You can also browse the audio archives with the #ChooseLove Broadcast tab above.


 

A trigger is a situation that causes a reaction to the stored memory of a traumatic event that may have occurred long ago. 

When you are triggered you are not reacting to the current life situation, you are reacting to some event from your past that caused you pain – deeply wounding pain.  You may feel shamed, embarrassed, humiliated, sadness, anger, rage, victimized, or even feel stabbing physical pain in the body.   The situation feels like the same trauma, even though it most likely is not the same at all.  The trigger elicits an emotional reaction from you equal to the emotional memory of the deeply painful traumatic event of your past – so it certainly feels the same emotionally, even if the intention and situation are wholly different now.

To the outside world, a person who is having a triggering reaction appears to be overreacting to a small problem.  I’ve been called a “b*tch”, a “psycho”, “spoiled”, “difficult”, and lots of other names to describe dealing with me in situations that I can attribute to traumatic memory reactions – a symptom often part of PTSD.   People thought I was just crazy because they couldn’t possibly have known what is in my memory and what emotional wounds I have stored inside.  They only knew that I flipped the b*tch switch and they had no idea why I was so “sensitive”. (ugh, I hate that – and “snowflake”!!)

If you’ve had these situations come up for you and then find yourself attacked by others who don’t understand, you often are left feeling further victimized and pile on more pain to the original trauma.  The next time this trigger shows up your reaction is going to include another level of shame, fear, anger, rage, and pain.

I still get triggered even though I have learned healing and coping tools over the years to help myself.  I’ve gotten over many, but I have some I’m still mind-hacking.  I call it mind-hacking because your memories, thoughts, and beliefs are all stored in little neurological files in the mind.  When you have an event happen in your life you attach thoughts, beliefs and emotional meaning to it in your memory file.  Each time the emotional trigger comes up your brain opens that file and all those thoughts and feelings come up – it’s an automatic reaction.

Thoughts and beliefs can be overwritten (mind-hacked) in to new thoughts and beliefs with action.  Automatic Reactions can be transformed in to Healed Responses. 


A while back I ran in to a big chain department store to quickly pick up something.  I was in a rush as we were going somewhere and the lines were backed up at the cashiers.  I detest self-checkout because each store is different and stuff doesn’t scan and it’s just a hassle, but I had one thing to purchase and I took a chance on just being able to swipe my item and go.

Wrong.  When does it ever work out like that – right?

The problem came with payment and the cards with chips situation.  Some places you put the card in when the transaction starts.  Some places you wait until you are done.  I put my card in when I started to check out.  When it was time to pay, the screen kept saying “insert your card”.  Ugh.  I was supposed to wait.  Okay so I decided to take out the card and insert it again.

Wrong.  Beeping noises.  Lights flashing.  “Your transaction has been cancelled” on the screen.

UGH.

Enter the oh so friendly and condescending self-checkout helper to scold me for removing my card.

See.  I have a “don’t talk to me like I’m stupid” trigger.  I discussed this on the broadcast yesterday so I’m not going to go much deeper in to it other than to say it stems from years of being told how stupid I was by a parent.   I STILL have a rage response to this trigger.  I feel shamed, embarrassed, helpless, voiceless, powerless, unheard, unwanted, unloved.  This is a deeeeeep emotional wound for me and when someone talks down to me or causes me to feel stupid – man, I flip the b*tch switch and turn that energy all the way up.

I was not nice to that person that day and minutes later I was ashamed of my behavior which added more shame and pain to the trigger.  I was a nut.  I was not in control of my own behavior.  I was in victim mindset and she was somehow attacking me by reminding me to wait until the screen told me to put my card in the machine.  “Overreaction on lane 1!”

She did nothing but do her job and be herself.  I am responsible for that situation becoming ugly.  100% me and my unhealed wound.


 

People have different ways they express their triggered emotions.  Some people cry.  Some people freeze in panic.  Some people use humor or sarcasm to cover their pain.  Some people withdrawal.  Some people get angry.  One thing is clear – the REAL emotion of the traumatic event is always hidden beneath where it is safe from more pain.

My real emotion from above was shame and humiliation and feeling invalidated.  I don’t express those emotions when I am triggered.  I get really angry and defensive.  Those real emotions are never dealt with because they are stuffed way down deep with that little girl who was told she was stupid.  To keep her safe, I trained myself to react with anger and defensiveness.  Now anytime I feel embarrassed or ashamed or invalidated, I don’t present those feelings, I react in anger.  I flip the switch.

Does this sound like you?  It sounds like a lot people.  And we aren’t bad people.  We are people who are surviving the best we can with the tools and knowledge we have.  When we know better, we can heal and be better.


 

How can we heal this if it is an automatic reaction and if the memory controls how we act?

You have to take action.  You have to mind-hack the reaction.

You cannot change the past traumatic experience, but you can change how you react to similar emotional situations. 

You have to have a plan on how to deal with these reactions and then work the plan with each incident as they come up.  Your plan has to include acknowledging you have a trigger to a certain situation and knowing what the real emotions you are feeling underneath the overreaction. Your behavior may be showing anger or crying or having a break down.  What is that behavior covering up and protecting you from?  Are you embarrassed?  Are you frightened? Are you feeling worthless?

While anger is certainly part of how I feel about the verbal abuse I went through as a child, the stronger emotions of shame and invalidation are the real triggers.  Those are the emotions I need to heal.

Once you are in the midst of a triggered situation, as soon as you can, try to center and ground yourself. Come back in to your own thinking and recover under your own control. To do this have several affirmations you can repeat to yourself.

Mine would be:

I am safe.

I am competent.

This person is not my parent.

This person is not trying to shame me.

I am valid.

I am not shamed.

I am not embarrassed.

This is not the trauma of my childhood.

 

These sentences will help me come out of the trigger and take responsibility for my behavior.  After all, it is not up to someone else to understand why we are triggered and  overreacting to a situation – it’s up to us to take the action we need to heal and be responsible for our own behavior.

Each time you have a triggering event do the work to heal.  This is how you will hack your mind.   Eventually, with use, your affirmations will become how you respond to triggering events in replacement of the painful emotions from the past.  I am very much looking forward to thinking of myself as safe and competent and calm, instead of “oh no she did not just treat me like I’m stupid!”


It’s hard work, this self-acceptance and self-healing.  It takes ACTION, and this is the year of taking action!  We can stop living as victims of our past and move forward in our own light and our own power!  The path to joy and happiness is taking responsibility for our lives today, regardless of our past.  We can live in joy and I want that so much for you!

In Light & Healing,

Genie


emotional-triggers

Dear Genie #18

home page box dear genie

This week’s Dear Genie Letter came to me from someone on social media.  I answered them directly, but thought their issue would be a good life lesson others can take from.  My response here is a much expanded and more broad response for anyone feeling life is dealing them a string of negativity.  


 

Bad Luck writes:

(this letter is paraphrased from our social media DM conversation)

Dear Genie, 

I’ve had a string of bad luck in the last couple years.  My life has been hell.  I think someone may have put a spell on me.  I was wondering what you think?

 

Dear Bad Luck,

Would you believe me if I told you that things like “bad luck”, “curses”, “living in hell”, or “spells placed on me”, are all things we do to ourselves because we believe someone else or something else can give us this bad energy.  We believe it can happen – it happens.  Voila!  Law of Attraction 101.

We create our reality.

I know that’s hard to believe, but it’s true.

But what about victims who go through traumatic experience?  Are you saying it’s their fault?

No. Not at all.  There are exceptions to every rule.  And those who have terrible things happen to them in which they had no choice, no power, no control – they did not create that experience.  The perpetrator created it.  Accidents happen.  Disease occurs in this toxic world.

There are things beyond our control.  Good things and bad.  I’m not talking about those things in this response.  I’m talking about things you do have control over and situations in which you do have a choice.   These are 99.9% of the situations in  your life.  So let’s just deal with them.

How we deal with them is to rewrite limiting beliefs we have in our minds about luck and chance and karma and other people having any control over our energy.   Here are some affirmations that will get that started:

No one controls my thoughts but me. 

No one can place a spell on me without my permission. 

My energy is safe from unwanted intrusion. 

I am safe from other people’s intentions. 

I am in control of my life.

My life is a beautiful creation. 

I live with intention. 

My life is defined by me. 

Hell is a creation of my mind.

How I respond to life creates my energy.  

I choose my energy by choosing my thoughts.   

I choose to respond to life in a positive way. 

I choose to take action to create my own luck. 

 

You don’t need to believe these affirmations are true.  Just begin saying them daily.  Change begins with a thought.  These daily thoughts will become habits.  Eventually, they will become your response to life situations.  You’ll begin to tell life that you are in control, instead of seeing life as events that just happen to you.  You will begin to notice a lot more positive happening in your life as your thoughts about your own personal power over your life grows.

 

Transform your thoughts and you transform your life. 

 

Transformation takes time and this is just a first step.  But always know that the  power is within you.

You can do this!

Genie


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On Victim Mindset

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Click The Image for the broadcast discussed below.   


I wanted to take a moment with this blog to personally address all of you amazing  and beautiful souls who are survivors and victims of horrific trauma and crimes in your life.  One of my missions in 2019 is to get people out of “victim mindset” or “playing the victim”.  I talked about this yesterday on my weekly broadcast (link above) and my friend and sister in the metaphysical world mentioned during the broadcast that using that language is off putting to some – especially to people who are truly victims and survivors.  I’m so glad she said something because I want you to know that I love you and that I am sending you so much healing energy in this blog and that YOU are not “playing the victim” and YOU are not the target of my “victim mindset” message.  Please know that I honor and respect you and your healing journey and that I am here for you holding space without judgement or shame.  ♥ g


 

“Playing the Victim” is harsh sounding.  It sort of does imply that someone is being intentionally dishonest in dealing with their emotional baggage.  It’s definitely triggering.  It definitely pisses people off.  It definitely puts people on the defensive.  And I’m okay with pissing people off.  In spiritual healing we need to really take notice of things that trigger us and piss us off because that means there is something more there for us to look at within ourselves.   Being offended means there is something there – some self-belief that we need to acknowledge and address.  If you are truly seeking healing, then you must look at the things that make you uncomfortable, offend you, trigger you, and piss you off and seek the truth in that emotion.

However, I’m not okay with hurting feelings or belittling anyone’s experience.  From this point forward I am going to use the phrase “victim mindset” instead of “playing the victim”.  It sounds less of a personal attack, I feel.  My intention to help people come out of victim mindset is not to shame and blame.  It is to heal.  I hope you can feel the love behind this.  I hope you can listen and open your hearts to healing a mental construct that is preventing so many of us from living happy and joyous lives.

So, what is victim mindset?

It’s simply not taking responsibility for your own life, your own choices, your own “weaknesses”, and your own mistakes.  It’s thinking that someone else is responsible for your choices.

The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. – Eckhart Tolle

So many people have experienced terrible trauma that was out of their control.  Children suffer and then grow up to be adults who still are trying to survive.  Horrific accidents, crimes, violence, war, injustice – these are events where a person has no choice – no ability to decide for themselves.

If you have a choice, you are not a victim.  You are a person who made a choice which resulted in consequences and outcomes.   Not making a choice is a choice.  Allowing others to make your choices is a choice.

And if that sounds like you, please don’t feel shamed or wrong.  If you are feeling defensive right now, I want you to know that you are okay and you are loved and you are a beautiful soul who is only coping with life the way you were taught – the only way that you know.

But know that victim mindset causes you to feel powerless.  It causes you to feel stuck.  It causes you to feel helpless.  It causes you to feel like other people are in control of you.  This is a hopeless way to live!  This is a soul-killing path!  (Not really.  You can’t kill your soul – but you sure can block yourself from connection with it!)

You simply cannot move forward and make good decisions or live life with purpose and love and joy and freedom if you are not taking responsibility for your own life and choices.

Some examples:

You keep ending up in the same type of relationships with abusive partners.  Notice the pattern.  Notice the warning signs.  Notice the early behaviors you always ignore and put up with because they “aren’t that bad”.  Then you can make a choice to never put up with those things ever again – even it means you are alone.

Your finances are a mess and you are very sick but can’t go to the doctor because you don’t have insurance or money to pay a doctor bill.  Going forward you can choose to find a way to save every penny you can for emergencies.  (You can check with hospital charity to help you on this occasion and know that your situation is why they have fundraisers and assistance available. No shame.)

*My husband and I are going through a financial strain right now because of the government shut down.  No, we didn’t have a choice in this political mess – but we sure could have made sure we had the savings available to survive something like this.  NOT EVERYONE HAS THE CHOICE TO BUILD SAVINGS – I know this from experience as a young mother.  But, we certainly could have been saving more the past few years.  Hard lesson learned, but we will be making new choices moving forward and not blaming anyone, including politicians, for where we are financially.  Some furloughed families are victims of this mess, however, so help them if you can.  


 

The biggest area of healing I want to work on with victim mindset is with the terrible things we say to ourselves.  The awful judgments we have in our heads.  There is no one harder on us than we are!  And we feel like a victim of our own self-esteem.  We can heal this.  You can heal the negative talk and self-abuse!

If this is something you need and want – then come on this journey with me in 2019.  If you are not ready, that’s okay too.  You are where you need to be in this moment.  Take your time.  Heal on your own schedule.  When you are ready, jump in with us and receive the love, compassion, and support you need.

Love and Light and so much Healing Energy infused in this blog for You.  Take all you need. 

♥ genie


 

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Dear Genie #17

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I received many messages throughout the Holidays about the topic of strained family relationships and family gatherings.  Few people can’t relate to today’s letter from someone with a familiar pain – being mistreated during the Holidays.


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If you would like to submit a letter for Dear Genie just click the image or the contact tab above.


 

Silence of the Fams, Writes,

 

Dear Genie,

I am so hurt and just furious!  I visited my parents at Christmas and they acted like I wasn’t even there.  I only see them a couple times a year and they went about their business as if I was not around.  Watching tv and going out with friends was more important.  I spent most of my time home on my phone and now I’m just hurt.  I don’t know what I did wrong but it would have been better if they had just told me instead of ignoring me.

 

Dear Silence,

Yeah.  The old silent treatment.  Passive-aggressiveness at its finest.

I’m sorry this happened – especially over the holidays.  It seems that negative things at the holidays are so much worse than if they happened at other times of the year, right?

Maybe you did something.  Maybe you didn’t.  If you did, they sure didn’t respond in a very grown up way.  I would even guess that this isn’t their usual behavior – if it were you probably would not be so hurt by it.

I wonder if there was something going on with them that they didn’t tell you – something that caused this unusual behavior?   It might be good to check on them and see if they will open up about any problems they are dealing with.   That’s not to make an excuse for passive-aggressive behavior, mind you.  But, they may be due some extra compassion and forgiveness on this one.  It’s a possibility worth checking out.

But, let’s say they were angry at you for something.  Or maybe they misunderstood something you said or did.  Christmas is over.  The visit is over.  None of you can get that short time together back. This is the memory you have of them until you get a chance to visit again.  Passive-aggressiveness is cruel and destructive.  And it’s not your fault.  No matter if you did do something to offend.  Their behavior is not about you – it’s about their emotional immaturity.

That being said, you have this pain and you need to do something with it.  You know that as long as you hold on to it you will continue to pay the price for their behavior.  You need to transmute it and get rid of it.

Communicate with your parents.  Apologize if there was a misunderstanding or offense.  Be compassionate for their feelings, while also speaking your truth about how hurt you are about not having the holiday with them you had hoped.  Let’s hope they can explain and apologize.

If not, you need to let the pain go.  Don’t pack it in your luggage to carry with you.  You can do this by forgiving yourself for whatever part in this you blame yourself for.  Forgive yourself for being vulnerable – it’s ok to be vulnerable again.  Forgive yourself for going to the trouble of visiting them – and visit them again.  Forgive yourself for being angry at your parents – they are human and make mistakes and cause offense like everyone else.  Forgive yourself for being unhappy at Christmas – find the moments that were good and remember them.

This card came up in a reading I did today:

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Try not to hang on to this anger and disappointment – even if you never understand why they acted that way.  You are the only one who will suffer for carrying this with you.

Forgive yourself.  Forgive them.

Best of Luck,

♥ Genie

 

Action vs Distraction

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In 2018 it was my mission to bring back LOVE.  Not romantic love, but love from our soul.  I focused on self-love, making decisions from a place of love, and most of all, choosing love over fear.

We have a long way to go as a species to get back to our original state of soul consciousness and conquer the strangle hold that EGO has on us using fear.  And I am going to go on teaching and practicing on connecting to soul consciousness in the new year.  We still have work to do on this!

But, it’s also time to stop talking and start doing.  It’s time to put away the dis-traction and move forward.  No more excuses.  No more playing the victim.  No more allowing others to make our decisions.  No more waiting for the perfect moment, the perfect bank account, or the perfect job.

This year we are going to start living happy and fulfilled lives of joy!  This year we are going to live our dreams!  This year is the year that Action Conquers Distraction.  

 

Some people say there will never be the right time or right circumstances, so that is why you should go for your dreams now.  I don’t see it exactly in that way.  I think NOW is ALWAYS the right time and the right circumstances – no matter what those circumstances are.

Would you believe me if I told you that you can be living your dreams right this moment?

It’s true.

It’s true because it’s all about what consciousness we are accessing to choose whether or not we are happy, joyous, and living the life we dream of.   Is your perspective coming from a place of love, or from a place of fear?

This year I am going to be putting a ton of content out for you to help you get moving and living your dreams.  I am literally getting off my bum and taking action to be consistent and present for you – and in doing so I will be continuing to live my dream!


Here is a look at weekly opportunities for you to learn and grow:

  • Sunday Evening Oracle Card Weekly Forecast on YouTube
  • Monday Dear Genie Blog
  • Tuesday #ChooseLove Broadcast with Genie & Jay
  • Wednesday Wisdom Blog
  • Thursday Classes at the Sanctuary
  • Friday Facebook Live

Coming up on January 10th is the rescheduled December class, LIFE BY DESIGN.  This course is all about taking action to live your dreams!  Enroll here:

life by design flyer

Taking this course is a great way to set the steps you need to get moving and to visualize living your dreams.


Some other ACTION you can take today to live a happier life, connected to your soul consciousness and headed towards your dreams are:

  1. Make your own choices.  Very few people are really victims in life, but so many of us feel victims when others control us, decide for us, and leave us waiting.  Take ACTION – take your life back!  When you decide, you have the power.
  2. Get off the Facebook!  Set a limit for how much time to give social media and stick to it!
  3. Get a paper organizer/calendar.  Something you can see, smell and touch.  When you write something down you tend to remember it better than saving to your online scheduler.
  4. Spend a few minutes each morning make a daily goals list.
  5. Find someone who will keep you honest about your goals – accountability is important!
  6. Having a day where you just can’t keep to your plan?  It’s okay.  Forgive yourself right then and there.  Take a mulligan.  Remove all guilt from your mind.  Love yourself.
  7. Small steps are steps!  It doesn’t matter the speed – it matters that you are moving forward.  Take a small step each day.
  8. Keep educating yourself and growing.  Read blogs, books, and articles about your passion!  There is no shame is getting ideas from other sources.
  9. Practice gratitude.  Love the life you have now – You are alive!  You have choice!  You have the chance to dream!
  10. Choose Love, always.  Make choices from love instead of from fear.  Check your thoughts and reactions – are they from fear?  If they are, rethink them.

If you have a hard time with these, I’m going to be helping to get you started this year.  If you need a little extra support, I’ve got appointments available for Transpersonal Counseling Sessions,  Synergy Life Coaching, Reiki, and Oracle Card Sessions.  Book an appointment with me to help you choose where you can take ACTION in your life.  BOOK AN APPOINTMENT.


This is going to be the year where we take our power back!  Action will conquer Distraction!

Who’s with me this year?

 

♥ Genie

Blame the Monkey Mind

thinking monkey

To change your thoughts is to change your life. 


 

In this newly enlightened spiritual rise there are a plethora of religious and spiritual teachings out there for all of us to ingest.  Never before has Eastern Spiritual Philosophy been so studied by the masses in the West.  From Reiki to Qi Gong, Yoga to Meditation, and Eastern Herbalism, Shamanism, Energy Healing and Metaphysics (Consciousness).

One recent Buddhist Philosophy to bridge the East/West divide is called “The Monkey Mind” or “Mind Monkey”.   This relates to the human thought and belief process and how our minds are chaotic, indecisive, non-focused, stuck, hyper, and full of intense inner-monologue that distracts us from where our attention should be in moment.

Tools like meditation, grounding, and mindfulness are suggested ways we can quiet and refocus the Monkey Mind.  This helps us think clearly, make good decisions, choose behaviors that align with our spirit, and cut through fear and hatred so we can get to the truth of who we are.   

It’s called the Monkey Mind because our thoughts can be wonky acting just like the way some monkeys can behave wonky, crazy, unpredictable, super-energetic, and seemingly reckless.

When you are at the sink washing dishes, are your thoughts on each dish as you wash or are your thoughts on the 50 other things you need to get done or on that conversation you recently had with someone and was too afraid to speak your mind?

Your mind is on 50 other things or that missed opportunity.  That’s the Monkey Mind.  It keeps your thoughts lost in a story and away from the moment.  The only real moment is now, in this moment.   Yesterday is a memory and tomorrow is a mystery.   This moment is the only truth.  The Monkey Mind keeps you in a state of regretting yesterday and fearful for tomorrow.  It hides the truth from you because it blocks you from the real moment – also known as – REALITY.   The Monkey Mind keeps you from real life.  

Why we need to know this concept is because the Monkey Mind distracts us and gets us in to trouble.  We make poor decisions, we can’t think straight, we behave impulsively, we don’t know what we really want, we act from fear and we procrastinate.  We can blame the Monkey Mind for the messes we make.  We say it’s in our bloodit’s just who we are.  Its our history, our legacy, our entitlement to think these wonky thoughts.  The Monkey on our back.  The Monkey made me do it.  Whatever that Monkey is in your life.  


There is something about this Monkey Mind that I think we misunderstand.  And this is because we relate “monkeys” to our early primate ancestors and animal family tree.  When we think of ourselves as having this primate behavior – this Monkey Mind – we assume this is a trait passed down to us physically in our DNA from the primitive age of man.  Something that has passed down to us through our primate ancestors – actual monkey cousins.  This is in our blood.  We can’t change.  We are who we are.  We are under the impression that the thoughts and beliefs we hold are some sort of legacy like eye color or height.

If, for example, our parents held a belief that their religion was the one and only true religion for the entire world, we might feel like that kind of belief is part of the truth of who we really are.  It’s our legacy.  It’s in the DNA of our family.  And we might spend a whole lot of time in our Monkey Mind fearing what will happen if others don’t agree with our religion or trying to find ways to force our religion on to other people.   

Now, spiritual people might then go on to say we can learn to cope with the Monkey Mind through meditation and mindfulness and eventually overcome the Monkey Mind through practice.   Great!  Put that Monkey Mind in its place!

But, people who are stuck living in a state of fear will use the thoughts of the Monkey Mind to claim entitlement, rights, superiority and dominance over others.  All because of irrational, wonky, unpredictable, hyper, fearful Monkey Mind thoughts and beliefs.  Because it’s who they are, they believe.

It’s easy to think that our beliefs and thoughts are part of our DNA and human journey.  Evolution is a controversial subject and one not broached in public schools on any depth.  We do not understand our own evolutionary history because learning it might offend some people and their Monkey Mind beliefs.  There are a lot of humans who think they are superior and have greater rights to life than does nature or other humans because they lack education on evolution.  They hold superiority beliefs and thoughts which they trust are the truth simply because of the voice in their head.  The Monkey Mind (thoughts and beliefs) told them so.  It must be true.

No.  That’s not how this works.  That’s not how any of this works.  

Thoughts and beliefs are learned.  They are a product of our environment, not our DNA.  They are nurture, not nature.  We are not born with Monkey Mind.  We acquire it through life experience.  The thoughts and beliefs of the Monkey Mind are 100% man-made fiction.   


 

The monkey, unfortunately, is associated with human internal thoughts and beliefs in this philosophy because of the way monkeys can behave chaotically and energetically.  It is not because monkeys have chaotic or energetic thought patterns.  We can’t know the thought patterns of monkeys, can we?  It is about their behavior.  The monkey is not used here because we share with them some thought and belief gene in our DNA.  Beliefs and thoughts are metaphysical – beyond physical – beyond seeing, touching, tasting or hearing.  We can’t compare something invisible in humans to something that may or may not invisibly exist in monkeys.

The monkey is a symbol used simply as a way to get a physical image of an invisible mental process so we can easier understand the concept. Most likely the monkey was used as the symbol because there are a lot of monkeys in the areas where this philosophy was created.  Monkeys were easily observed and so this is the animal chosen to represent the chaos of the modern human mind.  Had this philosophy been created in a different setting, the animal chosen may have been a humming bird or wild stallion or other creature that we are not linked to via family tree.   The monkey is used here as an analogy – a way to tell a story – a comparison – not a real physical connection.

Our thoughts and beliefs are not written on our genetic code.  They are man-made creations.  They are stories that we think are truth.  

I bring this up because it is so very important that we begin to understand the human mind.  We must learn that thoughts and beliefs are human creation – illusion – fiction – a story –  which we create to make us feel safe and secure in the world.  Thoughts and beliefs are not truth – they are perspective- they are choices.  That is all.

If our thoughts and beliefs are just stories then we can rewrite them.   We have the power to transmute limiting beliefs that keep us stuck and unhappy.  We have the ability to transform the beliefs given to us by others as we grew up in to ones that demonstrate our own growth and experience.  We can choose to rewrite the story that was told to us and create a more empowering story for our lives.  

Once you get that concept then you can begin to look at your own beliefs and decide which ones align with you and which ones don’t.  Which ones do you hold because you are afraid, and which ones empower you to live a happy, joyous life?  Which ones cause you to hate your neighbor, and which ones bring you closer to your spiritual truth?   Which ones keep you from going after your passions and dreams and which ones keep you small so you can feel safe and protected?  Which ones distract you from the moment and keep you from being focused on being the best possible you and which ones tell you the truth of who you really are?

We can take control of the Monkey Mind anytime we want.  The power is already within us.  We don’t need spiritual training.  We don’t need a guru.  We don’t need candles, crystals, essential oils or self-help books.  (Though, admittedly, I love them all!)  We just need to understand that we can look at our thoughts and beliefs and change anything we don’t resonate with any longer.  But we must look at our beliefs and not ignore our thoughts.  We have to do the work!  The Monkey Mind can’t keep us from reality once we acknowledge that we haven’t been living there.

This is so important today in a world that is in a constant state of panic and fear and war and hatred.  We must start taking a look at why we are afraid -what belief is making us feel this way?  Why do we fear those who do not look like us?  Why do we distance ourselves from responsibility for the care of one another?  Why do we only worry about our own needs?  Why do we hoard wealth and resources?  Why do we commit acts of war and genocide?  Why do we feel entitled to force our political or religious views on others?  Why do some feel they are superior and have a higher claims to the right to life, liberty, justice, and happiness?  Why do we judge others harshly while giving ourselves a pass on the same behavior? Why do we ignore the voice of love?  Why do we allow the Monkey Mind to control our lives?

It’s time we worked on the beliefs that allow us to fear, hate, destroy, hoard, and feel entitled to dominate all others.  They are wrong.  They are made up.  They are just stories.  They can be rewritten. We all, man and monkeys, have the same right to life, liberty, and happiness on Earth.  

Maya Angelou once said, “when you know better, you do better.”   We need to know the truth of our minds so we can do better in our lives.   And now that you know that the Monkey Mind  – your wonky, untrue, delusional thoughts and beliefs –  does not come from your DNA and is something you can change, you can’t blame it for your mistakes, your fear, or your hatred anymore.  You know you have the power to do better.

Let’s do better.

♥Genie


 

  

 

 

The Equation is Simply Wrong

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No, not that equation!  Seriously?  I can’t even do that math!  


I’m talking about the equation we use to figure out what we want out of life.  Think back to when you knew what you wanted to do or what you wanted to be when you “grew up”.   What did you say to yourself when you chose a college major or decided what career field you wanted to break in to?

For most of us the conversation went like this:

I want to be a CEO for a ______ type of company before I’m 35.

or

I want to make my first million dollars as a ________ before I’m forty.

or

I want to work for the same company and retire at the age of _________.

or

I’ve got my whole life ahead of me to think about that so I’m not going to think about it now.

or

It’s too stressful to think about.  I’ll never make anything of my life so I’m just not going to plan anything.

 

Am I right?  You’ve had any or all of those conversations with yourself, right?!

That’s because we go about planning our life all wrong!  We start with the focus on the wrong thing.  If the way we plan our life was a math equation it would look like this:

s = d / t

speed equals distance divided by time

We are solving for speed.  Speed, in this equation, means, “how fast can I get there?“, “how long can I procrastinate?” and “how slow can I be so I spend enough time with family and friends?

Distance, in this equation, is our life goal and destination, if we have one.  “I want to be _______.”  “I want to do _______.

Time, in this equation, is at what age we expect we will achieve our goal.  “I expect to reach my goals by 35.

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Here is where we go wrong.

We don’t solve the right element in the equation first.  So, when we solve for s first,  we are really just guessing at the value of d and t.  We go with what our parents want for us, or what society expects from us – or some limiting belief we picked up and assigned as an expectation upon ourselves.  We are letting the outside world tell us the value of d and t, then we try and figure out how fast we can live up to those expectations.  (Or, defiantly, in some cases, we figure out how we can not live up to those expectations.  Either way, others are making our goals for us.)

And this can cause us a lot of stress.  When we focus on how fast we are reaching our goals, we are putting the pressure on ourselves to create “success” instead of creating a life we love.  If we are not making fast enough progress we become overwhelmed and full of anxiety.  What if we think we don’t have the resources to work on the future and so we stress and worry and feel guilty for what we won’t have later in life because we think we are going too slow to get there.  Or, perhaps we are turnin’ and burnin’ and making things happen fast, but we never see our family or spend time doing things we love?

And, what if our speed changes?  Maybe we decide to have a family.  What if we have a major health problem?  Imagine if the financial markets crash and wipe out our portfolio or our corporation goes bankrupt?  YIKES!  Disaster!   These life hurdles change the speed (s) at which you are building your life.  The whole equation is changed and your goals (d)  and expectations (t), that you didn’t even create, that you just guessed at or took on because it was what family and society expected from you, have to change and adjust as well.

The result:

Guilt.  Shame.  Stress.  Overwhelm.  Anxiety. Depression.  Self-doubt.  Fear.  Chaos.

We have the equation wrong.

But, we can get it right.


 

Not to leave you hanging, but I’m going to teach the right equation and how to work the math at my 2019 Life by Design  live workshop in November and December at my office.  I’ll offer the class online in January.  Make sure to follow the blog to get updated info. 

This workshop is going to take you step by step in to figuring out all the pieces of the equation and which element needs to be solved first and why.  This equation will work for all your goal planning – not just major life goals, but smaller ones too!  I’ll show you how to solve the equation so that even life’s biggest hurdles don’t change the values.   Plus, I’ll help you see that you can be living your dream life much quicker than you think.  

2019 can be your year!  Join me to figure out how!  And trust me, the math will be sooo easy!  (And you thought you’d never use Algebra after high school!)

xo Genie

 

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Turning the Big Five Oh No

I’m closing in on my fiftieth birthday and processing the feels is beginning to get a little overwhelming. 😬

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It’s not that I feel old or am even lamenting old age; it’s the milestone and the truths that need to be faced at this stage in life.  Just like turning 18 and we had all those choices to make and responsibility placed on our shoulders.  Do I go to college?  Do I join the military?  Do I move out of my parents house yet?  Do I vote or do I protest with my non vote? What do I want to do with the rest of my life?

Big questions on that milestone.  Huge.

It’s the same at fifty – only sort of a reversal in perspective – looking back instead of forward.  Have I accomplished anything?  Is my health good? Is there still time to make sure I will be okay in retirement?  How many years do I have left to serve my purpose?  Have I given the love I was meant to give?

Some people of my generation still don’t know their purpose.  And, unfortunately, it seems we are going to have less time to get done what we came here to do.  My generation is unhealthy.  We are burdened with the decisions of the generation before – fast food replacing family dinner, weapons of war in our neighborhoods, and killer chemicals in our mass produced fruits, vegetables, grains, and meat.

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We are the last generation of outside kids.  We’re the first generation of home video games, movie players, and round the clock tv entertainment.

We’re the Big Mac, Fillet o Fish, Quarter Pounder, French Fries, latchkey, ET, Atari, I want my MTV generation.

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We are too young to remember the pain of the Vietnam War or gas lines, but old enough to have been brought up on the Beetles, the Stones, and Disco.  My mom and uncles had the coolest music!

I do have such fond memories of being a kid.  It seems like just moments ago I was dancing with my mom to Sly and The Family Stone.

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She’s actually been gone for 6 years now, passing away just two weeks after turning 65.

65.

Fifteen years from now I’ll be 65.  If I had known when she turned 50 that I only had 15 more years with her…

 

Life is so short.  We are not guaranteed a minute beyond this one. Spend your love.  Don’t wait for the right time, the right person, the perfect circumstances, or enough money.

Love today.

Apologize.

Atone for your mistakes.

Forgive.

Make the call.

Send the card.

Buy the tickets.

Take the trip.

Say the words.

Live your passion.

Live. From. Love.

And keep doing it for all the days of your life.

That’s what I’m going to do. That’s my life plan from here on out.  No wasted moments.

I’mma make 50 feel like a teen girl at a Michael Jackson concert in 1984.

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💖 Genie

Life Coach Apprenticeship

coming soon


 

The world needs more lightworkers, light bringers, love messengers and soul coaches!

 

I often write and post about this overwhelming energy of fear and anger and hate that seems so pervasive in our world today.  Would you believe me if I told you that this dark energy is an indication that change is coming?

Spirituality is on the rise.  We are beginning to understand that we have been misled by Ego in to believing that we live a dual existence – a body with a soul (which is separate from us.)  The Ego tells us that our body is our true self and that we are separate from all other life and that our priority is self-protection from this other life.

In truth, we are spirit.  We are soul consciousness creating a physical existence to experience.  And, we are one with all other life.

This concept has been taught through the ages in Buddhism, with the great Greek philosophers, and in the shaman practices across the globe.  It’s not new, and it’s not new-age.  It’s ancient wisdom that we have been trying to decipher and understand for thousands and thousands of years.   And we are finally getting it!  We are finally able to understand and teach others the truth of our existence!  That truth is that we are equipped with the tools for healing, that we are born with the consciousness of Love, and that we can choose to reject living from a place of fear, self-doubt, overwhelm and Ego dominance.   We can overcome the dark energy and live lives that are full and happy and joyful!  If we can learn how…


Coaching has been around a long time.  Whether coaching sports or health or business, the coaching industry is huge.  Life Coaching has grown to be a significant niche in the coaching profession and is a perfect system to reach others with a spiritual and metaphysical message of holistic wellness – mind, body, and soul.

I spent a decade working on my own wellness transformation.  I took thousands of dollars worth of courses and training and buying self-help books.  I would always feel awakened and ready for change after learning new knowledge, but would soon waver in using my skills in real life situations.  I needed continued support.  I needed guidance.  I needed mentoring.

And then two things happened.  I began my formal education in Metaphysics and I joined up with a business and spiritual mentor.  This is when everything began to “click” for me.  This is when I began to really understand how to use my knowledge in real life living.  This is when my education and life experience synergized in to real wisdom.

I created this apprenticeship program to offer you the same mentoring and opportunity that I’ve had over the last few years.  I want to walk side-by-side with you as you study my courses and learn to use them in real life living.


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If you are currently trying to establish a life coaching business or are interested in building a holistic life coaching practice, I invite you to check out this program.  I created it to be gentle, affordable and to flow so that you have lots of time to learn, practice and hone every skill before moving on to the next.  And by the end, you will have earned a Certification in Holistic Life Coaching and the confidence and competence to offer life coaching to those who seek it.


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Your skills and abilities are needed now more than ever!  If you feel called to help others, then look in to this program.  I would be so happy to walk beside you on your journey!  Click below for more info. 

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Join me!

♥ Genie