Dear Genie #16

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Send a Letter to Dear Genie

I recently received this letter on being ghosted.  Check out my advice….


Ghosted writes:

Dear Genie,

I was recently ghosted by a close family member.  The truth is that we weren’t getting along very well but I never imagined our differences would cause them to cut me completely out of their life.   This person leaned on me a lot for advice and favors and perhaps that made me feel entitled to tell my opinion on how they were living their life.  Is this why they cut me out of it completely?  It hurts and I get really angry that I can’t find out why or what I did or how I can heal this.  And I’m not sure I can forgive them and accept them back in my life if they ever try.  How do I forget them the way they have forgotten me so I can go on with my life not feeling hurt and angry?


Dear Ghosted,

I’m so sorry you experienced this deeply hurtful form of passive-aggression.  I know you must feel confused and helpless at not knowing why or what you did wrong.

Ghosting is a manipulator’s way to get the last abusive word via passive-aggression.  They just disappear from your life.  They stop taking your calls and answering your messages.  They treat you like you never existed in their life.  It’s a master manipulation move intended to cause you endless suffering with no ability to find closure.

It really hurts and can be soul crushing.

If you let it.

I can give you a pretty spin on why they did this – how maybe they were more sensitive to the differences between you or took your advice more harshly or critically than you intended.  I can say that sometimes people feel situations are toxic and they have to leave them behind.  Yes, there are all sorts of reasons a person will ghost another person.  Perhaps they even have good reasons for wanting to walk away from a relationship.

But none of them matter because there is no excuse for behaving with such a dismissive attitude and callous disregard for the humanity of another person.  The only exception being that the person felt it was best for their personal safety.  

Did you overstep your bounds with this person?  Probably.

Did you deserve to be ghosted?  It doesn’t sound that way to me.

So, how do you move forward?

Forgiveness is a big key.  You need to forgive yourself for whatever you may have done  intentionally or unintentionally to offend, overstep, or hurt this family member.  If you had the opportunity to apologize and make amends, you would surely do that.  You are human and that means you are not perfect.  We all make mistakes.  You owned up to that in your letter by admitting you may have caused this rift and by not pretending to be innocent.  That doesn’t mean you have to live in guilt or shame.  It just means you learn from it and grow.  It’s all you can do.

  • Forgive yourself.  Step one and vital to moving forward. 

You need to forgive them as well.  It’s not easy.  They are still hurting you with their blocking of you from their life.  For whatever reason, they need this space.  For whatever reason, they are unable to face you with their concerns.  For whatever reason, they are unable to deal with this in a healthy way – for you or them.

Trust me when I tell  you that they are unhealed.  Ghosting you did not solve their problems.  Healthy people do not ghost other people.

  • Forgive them.  Send them healing energy.  You’ll be amazed and how healing that will be for you.  

Finally, you’ve got to know that another person’s behavior is about them, not about you.  They had lots of ways to deal with their feelings – and they chose ghosting.   This is their choice and their responsibility.  Not yours.

  • Be at peace with the fact that you didn’t cause a person to ghost you.


Should they ever desire to re-enter your life will be your choice to make to allow it, or not.  But, learn from this experience.  You can allow a person to explain themselves without giving them the chance to hurt you again.  You have a right to set boundaries for the behavior and treatment you will accept in your life.  Be open and honest about your feelings, concerns, and whether or not you can trust this person to be a part of your life again.  Don’t ghost them back.  Love and respect yourself enough to not lower your behavior like that.  

Forgive yourself.  Forgive them.  Be at peace.

♥ Genie






Mommy Shaming Mommies

Anyone remember the fitness mom who came out with the perfect body only weeks after her third of forth child was born and exclaimed that we could all accomplish this if we were’t so lazy?

Oh, I remember it.

So many things go in to the recovery of the body after giving birth – did this woman have any postpartum depression or physical problems post delivery like anemia or ptsd from a traumatic birth?  I did.

Was she in great shape before and during her delivery?  Does she have a great metabolism?  Is she a naturally high energy person?   Me?  No. No. and No.

So, good for her.  Well done.  But, why shame other moms who aren’t there?  Do we not have enough emotional and mental shit to deal with without other moms belittling our experience and telling us we aren’t doing enough?

And that is just one example.  Moms do it to each other in person all the time.  In the school pick up line – at soccer practice – and even in what they tell their own children who then go to school and repeat the shaming.  “My mom said…”

My children are all grown up.  In their twenties.  Out of the house.  And I’m able to do whatever I want – like work out and eat right.  I’m still failing at it and have none of the parenting excuses I used to.  And so what?  I’m working on other areas of my life and I’m not ashamed of who I am.  But, when I come across mommy shaming mommies, I can find myself right back in the place I was 15 or 20 years ago when my babies were still babes and how I felt to be beat down my those women who claimed perfection and pointed out my lack of it.

This week a blog came up on my timeline.  I must have a few friends who follow this mom blogger because I see her posts and blog links quite often.  I don’t follow her personally because I’m not where she is in life – with little ones still at home- but I have read some of her writing.  She tells her mom experience through humor – a sarcastic, cranky, and defiant style of humor that often just comes off as angry venting – but I have been able to relate to how I felt at that stage in life and take her stories for what they are – sharing life’s frustrations and imperfections.

But, this week I was bothered by a blog she posted.  It was all about telling others to stop telling her she needed to have some self-care time.  She even mentioned wanting to punch those people in the face when they offer such advice.

How I wish someone had told me that it was OK to think of myself when my kids were little.  How I wish people had offered me that compassion and wisdom! 

Those people offering her compassionate advice were probably moms themselves, like me, who did their time in the trenches and only found out later that respite was available.  They were being kind.  They were offering support.  They were not being mean or cruel or shaming.  And her reaction to them hit a nerve with me.

It hit a nerve because other moms read her stuff – A LOT of other moms with littles at home with all the mom guilt and shame that goes with it.  Some struggling mom read that blog and decided that self-care isn’t possible.  Some exhausted mom questioned that if a major blogger mom couldn’t find time for self-care, how could she?  Do moms that read her blog now feel less hopeful for “me time” or a break?  And do the moms who manage to carve out self-care time now feel guilty that they are neglecting some duty in order to be “selfish”?

See, self-care is something I neglected for 40 years.  It’s only been in the last ten years that I understood what self-care is and why putting myself first isn’t selfish.  It’s the biggest message I give to other women when they write to me or come see me.

Take care of yourself.  Fill your cup first.  Find time to love you.  

To have another woman with a huge audience telling others that it just isn’t possible to practice self-care is heartbreaking for me because of the women I know who will feel ashamed for trying.

Stop. Mommy. Shaming. Already.  Support one another.  Lift up one another.  Love one another.

If you are a mom who doesn’t think she can find the time or energy for self-care, let me help. 

For starters, self-care isn’t really about massages and spa days and shopping with friends or a weekend away.  Those activities are really on the extreme end of the self-care scale.   These are major events and don’t always translate in to real self-care.  If you are having a spa day and worried about the money it is costing the entire time then it’s NOT self-care!  If you go away for the night or the weekend and you obsessively worry about the kids and the condition of the house the whole time then it’s NOT self-care.

If you are financially strapped, spa days meant to relax you will just cause you more stress.  Days and weekends away when you have a deadline to meet will likely cause you fear and frustration rather than the freedom and peace a trip is meant to achieve.

The extreme self-care options are rarely real options to moms (and dads) with very small children.  It’s just hard to find the time, money and energy to do those things.   So, what can you do that is practical and loving at the same time?

Self- care needs to be good choices so that you can love yourself guilt free. It should be something that you can do whenever an opportunity arises.  It should be something you can do every day.

Here are some ideas:



♥ Start saving change for that getaway or spa day when the time comes that you feel free to go.

♥ Put the kids down to a nap with spa music on and a child safe essential oil diffuser blend.  Enjoy relaxing for five minutes with the music and aroma after they finally go to sleep.

♥ Get a hair appointment – shampoo and cut and style.  It’s not the spa, but someone else washing your hair and styling it is heaven.

♥ Try getting up ten minutes before the kids.  Have a coffee pot with an alarm to auto brew the coffee.  Grab a cup and head out on the porch for five minutes of meditation before the chaos begins.

♥ Shower.  Add some essential oil to your soap or get some shower bombs.  Breathe it in.  Feel the sensation of the aroma.  Even if just for two minutes.

♥ Get back to doing a hobby that you loved BC (before children).  Even if you have to modify it for the time and space.  Like to paint?  So do kids!  Like to dance?  So do kids!  Like to sing?  So do kids!  Like to hike?  So do… well, give them bubbles and drag them along (LOL!)

♥ Journal or blog.  It’s good to get your feelings and frustrations out in a safe way.  This can take as few as five minutes.

♥ Find something to be grateful for in each day.  Did the kids take a longer nap than usual?  Did they make less of a mess at lunch?  Did they get themselves dressed?  Did you get that five minutes out of the porch with your coffee?  Express this gratitude to your family or to the Divine.

♥ Pamper yourself daily with something that makes you feel pretty, sexy, or even just human.  Find a special lotion, essential oil, high vibe crystal,  hand soap, or hair product that is just for you and no one else in the house.  Acknowledge your special and exclusive something when you use it just for you.  This is for me only because I deserve it!  Yes!  It’s okay not to share everything!

♥ Audio Books!  Some libraries have these available now.  You can listen while you do laundry or color with the kids.

♥ Make use of offers to watch the kids or help clean house or cook a meal.  It’s okay for others to lend a hand.  It’s what friends and family do best.


So, just a few ideas – and there are an unlimited number of others.  Whether its two minutes, five minutes, or an entire day – you can pamper yourself, love yourself and care for yourself without the guilt or shame or feeling worse than before you did something to feel better.

But, know one thing – you moms are doing the best you can everyday.  Don’t ever let anyone tell you any different.  What works for them is for them.  What works for you is for you.  Be happy.  Be confident.  Be loving to the most important person in your life – YOU.

♥ Genie





   A Talk on Self-Worth and Rising out of the Emotion of Unworthiness.

chooselove broadcast




This week on the #ChooseLove Broadcast we talked about Self-Worth and feelings of unworthiness.  This is a pretty deep subject and one that everyone can relate to at one time or another in their lives.  I’ve experienced it a lot.  In fact, unworthiness is probably my deepest wound, biggest scar, and the issue that kept me stuck in life for many, many years.

I thought I would post my notes from yesterday’s talk.  These notes do not include the work that Jay did during the live or his input into the discussion, so if you want to check out the recording you can go to the links under the poster above.


Being overly sensitive to criticism or correction are a huge indicator that you may have a problem with your self-worth.  Negative self-thoughts, feelings of lack, feeling blamed, feeling shame, believing that winning is the only form of success, under-achieving and over-achieving, expecting perfection from yourself and others, anger and frustration over the tiniest mistakes, jealousy, lack of confidence, lack of motivation to try, low self-esteem, not trusting others and not being able to commit in relationships are just some of the ways that lack of self-worth manifests itself.

All of those are signs that you have a deep-seeded belief that you are unworthy.

Lack of self-worth starts when we are young and can begin with the smallest of events where we feel rejected.  We place the emotion of rejection and unworthiness on the event even if those involved did not intend us to feel that way and even if it isn’t the truth.  If we felt rejected, then we assigned rejection to the memory.

If we didn’t get the opportunity to acknowledge and heal that feeling at the time, then it was filed in a folder in our memory that we labeled, “Reasons I’m Not Worthy.”

Every time a similar event happened in our life after that, we were not only dealing with the current situation, but with all the unhealed unworthiness emotions that came before.  (And this is why we begin to overreact to tiny problems in our life!)

So, for example, the first time you can recall feeling rejected was in forth grade when a classmate didn’t invite you to their birthday party.  You wondered what you had done wrong to not be invited.  You wondered what was wrong with you.  You wondered why you weren’t worthy of an invitation.  This was a major hit on your self-worth.  

If you weren’t able to talk to someone about your feelings – either because it wasn’t safe to do so, or you feared being mocked, or you didn’t know how to talk about your feelings – then this emotional moment in your life went unhealed.  A new file was created in your memory and you would re-experience this rejection over and over when any kind of situation came up where you felt you were being left out, excluded, rejected, on the outside of the group, or even criticized.  Any time you want to go for a new job or ask someone out on a date or seek a raise – your EGO brain pulls up that file and reminds you, “you really aren’t worthy of that…”

And it will keep coming up forever and ever along with every event since then that caused you to feel unworthy and went right in to that “I’m Unworthy” file in your memory, UNTIL YOU HEAL THEM.

Imagine a person who is raised in an environment where they are told they aren’t wanted, that they are a burden, or that they aren’t unworthy.  Imagine the pain of feeling rejection and unworthiness from people who intend for you to feel that way!  The truth is that so many of us did experience just that kind of rejection.

How do we even begin to let go of that kind of pain and heal those wounds?

The first step in any kind of healing is always to notice and acknowledge that you have this wound.  If you have feelings of unworthiness that come up, stop and really feel that and think about why you are feeling that way.

You probably notice that physical sensations come up in your middle back, stomach and rib cage area when the emotion of unworthiness comes up.  This is your Solar Plexus region of the body located between your naval and breastbone.

The Solar Plexus is where your self-image energy is processed.  It deals with your level of  self-worth and everything that your worthiness affects – your confidence, your motivation, nerves, desire for success, self-esteem, ability to be assertive and all those identity driven energies.


solar plexus info.png(Graphic from my course, CHAKRA POWER, on Teachable)


The unworthiness energy you have stored in your body manifests in your life and blocks this Chakra energy center from allowing clean, positive, empowering energy in to your body.  This prevents you from even being able to accept a compliment comfortably.

You know that’s true!  You know you feel awkward as heck when someone says something nice to you.   Your Ego brain whispers in your head, “nah – I don’t deserve that compliment!”

A great start to begin healing this area of your life is to work on this Chakra using affirmations, crystals and essential oils.  (And Yoga if you like)

Place your hand over the Solar Plexus Chakra area and rotate it in circular clock-wise motion while saying these affirmations:

I am worthy; I am powerful; I am free to be me; I am accepted for me; I am open to feeling worthy; I am open to acceptance; I accept myself; I am assertive; I am motivated. 

Its nice to have some complementary tools to work with any time you are working with emotions.  I always have some go-to crystals and essential oils on hand.

Crystals for the Solar Plexus – citrine, tigers eye, amber. Hold the crystal while you are recalling memories or clearning your Chakra.  Carry one with you when you are having feelings of unworthiness. 

Essential Oils for the Solar Plexus –  Bergamot, lemon, Doterra Cheer Blend, Rosemary.  Diffuse or inhale one of these oils while working with this Chakra or place some on this area of your body.  Use them whenever feelings of rejection or unworthiness come up. 

Mind-Hacking these thoughts is ultimately how you need to get rid of these old emotions for good.  This is done through being mindful – noticing every time these particular feelings come up for you and dealing with them on the spot.

When you feel the emotion of unworthiness come up just stop for a second and get grounded.  

Grounding is the act of being connected to the present moment in time, rather than being “in your head” going over issues from the past or fearing for the future.  You can do this by some of the following ways:

Drink a glass of cold water; walk barefoot and pay attention to the feeling under your feet; take three deep cleansing breaths; go outside and work in the yard or walk in the woods; and it sounds crazy, but, Yes!  Hugging a tree is grounding.

Once you are grounded you can deal with whatever is going on in the present moment without the baggage from the past.  Grounding closed that “Reasons I’m Not Worthy” file and lets you respond to the present moment.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Is it true that I am unworthy?
  • Is this person or situation really mean I am unworthy?
  • Is this feeling true?

Answer Key:  The answer to all of those questions is NO.

And, here is the kicker.  I really want you to get this.  Write this down.  Say it everyday.

You. Are. Worthy.  ALWAYS.


Say it.  Believe it.


And, now that you’ve dealt with the current situation, you can start to look at that file in your mind and all the situations that came before now.

Think of the earliest time you can remember feeling unwanted, unworthy, or rejected. 

Then, ask yourself those three questions from above again.

The answers don’t change.  No. No. No.

You are worthy and you were always worthy and the behavior of other people never determined your worth.  Your worth is determined by YOU and only YOU. 

Go over each memory you can recall.  You know you can recall many of them because they come up in your head each and every time someone rejects you.  Mind Hack those suckers!

Adopt a daily “I am worthy” affirmation that you can tell yourself when any little situation arises.  Say it when you get up.  Say it when you are looking in the mirror.  Say it when any feeling of unworthiness begins to creep in to your thoughts.

And, finally, each time you heal one of these events from the past, take the time to forgive yourself for harboring those feelings. 


It was not your fault that you interpreted or understood an emotion the way you did as a child.  Of course you felt the way you did.  Of course you stored those memories.  Of course you didn’t know how to heal yourself.  You were a child.  You didn’t know better.  And now you do.  You are now taking responsibility as an adult to heal.

And that is a beautiful thing.


Love, Light, and Healing

♥ Genie







Dear Genie #15

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Dear Genie™ Advice Blog is for anyone seeking answers to questions on Love, Leadership, Life-Phases, or Living Your Best Life!  Send me a letter with your concern via the CONTACT link.  I’d love to hear from YOU!  ♥


Sleepless writes:

Dear Genie,

I have a hard time going to sleep even when I am exhausted.  I can’t stop thinking about stuff or turn off my brain.  Most of the time I think about the past and not good memories.  I don’t want to take medication to sleep because I’ve got kids and don’t want to be out of it and not able to wake up if they need me.  I’m just so tired.  Are there any ways I can naturally help myself get to sleep?


Dear Sleepless,

I’m feeling tired just reading your letter!  It must be quite a struggle to parent when you are unable to get the rest you need.  I’ve got a few ideas that may help you – but let’s talk about physical stuff first…

Have you talked to your doctor about this?  If not, please do so.  You’ve got to rule out medical conditions first and discuss with them any appropriate medical therapy and your concerns.

IF your doctor says natural/holistic remedies are ok, then you can try a few of these ideas:

  • Cut out the caffeine in the afternoon and evening.  That’s not just coffee!  Sweet tea, chocolate, and most soda pops have caffeine (and sugar which can also keep you up). 


  • Turn off the TV and social media an hour before bed.  Try to avoid movies or shows or news in the evening that upsets you and brings about these episodes of dwelling on the past.   


  • Meditate with music an hour before bed for at least 20 minutes.   Use meditation music, Reiki music, or other calming instrumental sounds.  


  • Read a fantasy book at bedtime.  (You’ll be thinking of it as you drift off to sleep)


  • Write in a journal to get all your thoughts out before bed.  If more come up as you try to go to sleep you can quickly write them down and tell yourself you will think about it more tomorrow.  


  • Try some herbal tea that is caffeine free and don’t add sugar or honey or carbohydrates to it.  (Those create energy and that energy may keep you awake) 


  • Relax with a bath or shower using a calming aromatherapy bath bomb. 


  • Relaxing aromatherapy diffused at bedtime or EOs lightly sprayed on your pillow.   
    • Lavender
    • Roman Chamomile
    • Cedarwood
    • Sandalwood
    • Ylang Ylang
    • Majoram

(Check these oils out on my wellness advocate page >>> Essential Oils)

  • Calming crystals to place by the bedside.  
    • Amethyst
    • Black Tourmaline
    • Rose Quartz
    • Angelite
    • Larimer
    • Hematite

These crystals can be found at local “hippie” shops, on Etsy, and online stores like


Try one of these tricks – or even several of them.  The main thing is to get in to a habit or routine of calming your mind at least an hour before bedtime.

Also, these thoughts may be popping up because they are unresolved issues.  If you feel that is the case then you may want to consider therapy or spiritual counseling to help lay these issues to rest.  Ignoring them will just ensure they keep coming up in your thoughts.

It may not always be the case that because you think of something or someone from the past that you are holding on to the pain of the experience.  Sometimes a movie or song or TV show brings up the memory for us.  Journaling those thoughts should help put them back to rest.  But, if not – chances are you are still not healed from whatever is coming up and some deeper work may be needed.  Mediation and connecting with your soul voice can help you see what is true.

Hope this helps and really hope you get some sleep!

♥ Genie

blissful sleep

Create Self-Immunity to Gaslighting

gerund or present participle: gaslighting
  1. Manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.  2. Mental abuse.  3.  Method of psychological control over another person.


Gaslighting is a word that comes from the 1944 movie Gaslight where a man mentally manipulates his wife by making subtle changes in the home and then denying there is a change which causes the wife to doubt her sanity.

This psychological technique has been in use by the military and CIA at least since I was a child.  My father belonged to an Army Psy-Ops Unit and he was a master at the gaslighting technique.  It is certainly being employed by the current U.S. President and Administration, and is a tool used by many shadowy organizations and powerful people.

It’s also used by abusers in relationships A LOT.  The abuser may not know the name of the trick they are pulling, but they definitely know they are playing a game of control with the other person.  They know they are manipulating.  They know they are lying.  They know they want the other person to feel crazy and completely dependent on the abuser for what is true.


Some signs you may be under the abuse of a gaslighting:

• The person wants you to believe they are the source of truth in your life and the only source of truth.  Everyone else is lying and cannot be trusted.

• You catch them in a behavior and they deny it even though you saw it with your own eyes or heard it with your own ears.

• They put you down and then tell you how much they are giving up to be with you and how much better their life would be if they weren’t doing things for you.

• They use your wounds against you by throwing up your past in your face or telling you that you deserved some trauma that happened to you.   They love to tell you to “Just get over it.”

• They lie, deny, lie, deny, lie, deny and on and on until you are exhausted and can’t fight it any more and you just accept what they say is true because you are too mentally tired to put up the fight.

• They accuse you of doing the things they are really doing.

• They call you crazy and tell other people you are crazy.

• They tell you that you are overreacting, overly emotional, say you are upset at them because of something someone else said or did, or even that you are “hormonal”.

• They refute your memory of events and who did what or who chose what so that you eventually can’t make even simple decisions anymore because you mistrust your own thoughts.

• They blame you for their behavior.


It’s really hard to get out from under a gaslighting situation and recover from this kind of abuse.  Emotional scars are deep and hidden and can stay with you a very long time if you don’t know how to heal or even that you’ve been manipulated in this way.  Self-care and self-awareness are two of the best medicines for someone who has gone though gaslighting.  Time alone to really get to know yourself, what you believe, what your dreams and passions are, and learning to trust yourself are vital to healing.

But, what if we can learn to detect this behavior and stop it before we are hurt by an abuser?  What if we can become immune to the mind tricks that manipulators like to play?  What if we can learn from a history of this abuse and be ready to defend against it next time?  Can you reclaim your power after this kind of abuse?

It’s absolutely possible to prepare and defend against this type of psychological control.  In fact, I would say it’s vital that we learn this skill with the daily assault on our senses we are under right now in the U.S.!

How to Become Immune to the Gaslighting Technique


1. Self-awareness is the key.  Know who you are and what you want in life.  Know your own code of ethics and morals.  Know that you are mentally competent and a fully capable human being!

2.  Connect with your soul voice.  Work with your intuition and listening to your inner-voice.  Meditation is a great place to start!  Trust your inner-voice because it is your connection to Divine support.  Your soul doesn’t lie to you!

3.  When you are refuted on your recollection of events, make notes of what you remember.   You can return to your notes when you aren’t being confronted to double check your memory.   You can also reach out to anyone else who can recall the same event.  If a person gets in the habit of contradicting your memory, begin keeping an account of dealings with them.

4.  Know this – we don’t remember everything that happens in our lives and we don’t always remember everything accurately.  That doesn’t mean we are crazy or that our memory can’t be trusted.   Our memories can sometimes be a little off depending on the emotions and significance placed on the event you remember.  These are subjective things, like how you felt or your interpretation of someone’s attitude. These are things we can easily get confused on or remember differently than someone else at the same event. Objective things don’t change.  These are facts.  Trust your memory and trust the facts you remember.

5.  Write down instances of denial from a person when you know they did or said something that they now refute.  Write down if you catch them in a lie.  Why write it down?  So you can look back over the abusive behavior and decide when you’ve had enough of it!

6.  When they call names, make accusations, or try to use your past to hurt you, realize what their goal is – to control you with this pain. They want to distract you, to change the subject, and to confuse you.  Don’t fall for it.  Be calm.  Let it roll off your back.  Stay focused on the truth.  They want you to act crazy so they can convince you that you are crazy!

7.  Self-care is so important.  Make time for you to de-stress.  Clear your mind.  Fill your cup.  Feel joy and happiness.  The higher you vibrate the harder an abuser has to work to bring you down!

8.  Spend time with friends and people you trust.  Talk with like-minded people.  Know that you are not alone.

9.  Know that it isn’t your job to change someone who behaves like this. There isn’t anything you can do to make them a better person.  Your only job is to be responsible for you and your growth.

10.  Decide if you really want someone in your life who uses gaslighting to manipulate and control you – and if you do, then take responsibility for that decision by seeking to find out why you would accept this in your life.


I hope this helps you stay mentally and emotionally healthy out there in the world.  It’s tough out there!  Stay strong and confident in YOU!


jedi mind tricks

Dear Genie #14

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Dear Genie™ Advice Blog is for anyone seeking answers to questions on Love, Leadership, Life-Phases, or Living Your Best Life!  Send me a letter with your concern via the CONTACT link.  I’d love to hear from YOU!  ♥


Hope writes:

Dear Genie,

I’m trying to decide if I should convert to a more spiritual, less religious, path.  My family is very religious, and that’s how I was brought up.  I’ve been reading on the spiritual life, and I’ve decided it’s the life for me.  How do I do this openly without guilt or criticism? Is there a way to explain it to others without insulting their beliefs?


Dear Hope,

It’s great to hear that you are listening to your soul and trying to allow your inner voice to guide you on your path – whatever that path may be.  There are no instructions or rules when it comes to walking a spiritual path vs a religious path.  You have the freedom to become all you desire and create your own new beliefs.  You may even choose to keep some of the beliefs you were raised with if they still resonate with you and bring you joy.  There is no right or wrong when you follow your soul.

You will have people in your life who disagree with your choices and new path.  It’s going to happen.  You cannot prevent it.  No matter how happy you are – no matter how much explanation you give – no matter how good of a person you become – there will be some who cannot be open to anything but what they know and believe.   And, unfortunately, many will fear your involvement in a cult or “witchcraft” (movie version, not reality); they will fear you going to hell as their religion believes.

All you can do moving forward is control who you are and how your respond to criticism. Understand that negativity you come across is about them and their own fears.  It’s not about you and if you can take criticism with that attitude you will be better for it.  It won’t be easy, but you’ll be learning lots of ways to help you with negativity on your path.

There will also be lots of people in your life who want to understand though.  There will be lots of people who love you and want the best for you, but who simply don’t understand what your new path is about.  If you hope to explain it to them, you’ll first have to become self-aware and spend some time doing internal work to be able to express your thoughts and feelings.  Meditate for answers.  Be mindful of your thoughts and feelings.  Get clear on your intentions and desires for this new path.

  • Why are you feeling this way?
  • Why do you want to begin a spiritual journey?
  • What does spirituality and a spiritual life mean to you?
  • What was missing in your life?
  • Why does spirituality resonate with you?
  • How is spirituality bringing you joy and happiness and fulfillment?
  • Do you still love and accept your religious family and respect their beliefs?
  • How do you feel about heaven and hell?
  • How do you feel about God?


Those are just a few things you might want to consider before trying to explain it to your family and friends.  You may not have the answers right now.  You probably don’t.  And it’s okay to tell people you are seeking those answers.

I wish you all the best on your journey.

Love & Light

♥ Genie


This class is a great first step on your spiritual journey as it helps you get connected to your inner voice, intuition and soul consciousness.  Check out the info and dates HERE.



Dear Genie #13

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Dear Genie™ Advice Blog is for anyone seeking answers to questions on Love, Leadership, Life-Phases, or Living Your Best Life!  Send me a letter with your concern via the CONTACT link.  I’d love to hear from YOU!  


Reflecting writes:

Dear Genie,

As I am now older I have come to the realization that my mother was very mentally ill when I was growing up.  I feel that in my adult life I am having some issues with depression and anxiety and reflecting back on my childhood.  I have this feeling of blame, and resentment towards her. Why couldn’t she have been more involved, or didn’t sleep all the time?  Why couldn’t she have loved me more rather than finding her next fling?  Am I wrong for this?  Is she to blame? Help.


Dear Reflecting,

First, I am so very sorry you grew up feeling unloved and unimportant by the person who was supposed to love you and prioritize you the highest.   How could you not feel awful about this as you look back?  Your feelings are authentic and you are not wrong.

But, you’ve taken this step – a giant step – towards healing and moving on from this pain and disappointment.  And that is a beautiful thing.  And from this moment forward you should know that healing and letting go has got to be your priority – for your mental, emotional, and even physical health.  It’s important to make healing your goal now so that you don’t end up repeating the pain from your childhood in other relationships.  You really have to want this though.  You have to want to heal and release this pain.

I think you do.  I think that is why you wrote.  And I hope I can get you started on your healing journey with this letter being the first tiny step.  You’ll want to seek support and wisdom from others as well.  Seeing a professional for depression is your next stop. Healing can be rough at times and add an illness on top of it without medical support is dangerous.   I cannot help you with a medical issue and I think you need to speak to someone qualified to help you in that area.  There is no shame in that.  It doesn’t make you wrong to seek medical treatment and therapy.  But, having a history of depression with your mom, it’s absolutely vital that you talk to your doctor about it and make them aware of your desire to heal from childhood issues.

And, I’d like to let you in on something – from a mom’s point of view.  Parenting is so hard.  We all make so many mistakes and screw up our kids in a million ways.  Add mental illness, untreated mental illness, on top of it – and it’s a perfect storm of dysfunction. When I first read your letter I wondered if it was one of my kids writing until your last few sentences.  I know I failed over and over as a mom and have a long way to go in helping my kids heal from my mistakes and in healing my own shame and guilt for screwing up.

Here’s the thing about parent/child relationships – we’ve got some sort of entanglement with one another.  The bond we have causes us to feel responsible for each other.  A child feels guilty for the behavior of the parent and the parent feels guilty for the behavior of the child.  This doesn’t happen in other relationships in our lives.

And, so, forgiveness in these relationships is also the hardest.  We are least likely to forgive our parents, even though they are the most deserving.  We are least likely to overlook the mistakes of our kids than we are of other people’s kids.  Because we feel responsible.

And when we don’t forgive our parents, we condemn ourselves to a life of self-blame and condemnation.  Because we feel responsible.

“Mom didn’t love me and that is why she didn’t spend time with me,” is self-condemnation.  You feel like you are responsible for your mom’s behavior.  And that is the largest source of your pain – your feeling of being unlovable and unworthy.

Sweetie, the truth is that she didn’t love herself.  She didn’t think she was worthy of her own time, care, and attention.  That’s depression.  It. Wasn’t. Your. Fault.  You are lovable.  You are worthy.  You are important.  You are loved.  You are a priority. And you deserve to take care of yourself and your mental health and have a beautiful future ahead.

Mental illness is not an excuse.  It’s just what it is.  Would she have been a better mom if she had taken care of all her health needs?  There is just no way to know that.  But, we can know that there is no way to go back and change the past.  The only thing you can do is heal, forgive, and release the hold these memories have on you moving forward in your life.

I hope this helps you some.  I truly wish you healing and happiness moving forward.

And if your mom never said it, allow me to say it for her… I’m so sorry for the pain I caused.  

♥ Genie







Dear Genie #12

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Dear Genie™ Advice Blog is for anyone seeking answers to questions on Love, Leadership, Life-Phases, or Living Your Best Life!  Send me a letter with your concern via the CONTACT link.  I’d love to hear from YOU!  



Work Stress writes:

Dear Genie,

I like my job but I loathe going to work every day because I work with someone who makes my life hell.  She thinks she knows everything and bosses me around even though she has no authority at all.  It’s a small office and I can’t get away from her and if I say anything to her she is so spiteful and gossips to others and I feel like she could hurt me professionally.

I don’t know how to keep dealing with her without losing my mind or just quitting my job.


Dear Work Stress,

Wow!  It must be rough if you would quit a job your like because of a co-worker!

Do you feel like this is harassment?  Does she do this with everyone?  Has anyone tried speaking to management about this?  If not, maybe you and others could go together to HR in an effort to team build or increase positive energy in the office, rather than attacking her?  (Catch more flies with honey idea)

Let’s say, for the sake of this letter, that you’ve tried HR and have gotten no relief.  What do you do now?

You absolutely have the choice to spend some time looking to transfer or find a new job in your field.

You also have the choice to elevate your complaints about the situation.  If you do this please make sure to document every interaction with this person – even things this person says to others that are reported to you.

However, I want to suggest something else – something a bit edgy and out of the box – something that could maybe create a peaceful work environment where no one is fired and no one has to quit and everyone can be heard.  Its called a win-win situation.

Have you thought about inviting this person to lunch or out after work?  Get to know them better?  Let them get to know you better?

I get it.  You probably pretty much hate this person at this point.  What I am suggesting is not the easy thing to do.  But, forming a respectful relationship may allow you to be honest in the future when she behaves aggressively or bossy.  It may allow you to feel empowered – which is the real reason your are miserable – you feel powerless. 

Here’s the thing.  We are so hostile to each other in the world today.  People are calling the police on others for having yard sales and selling lemonade.  We file lawsuits at the drop of a hat.  We blame, accuse, demand satisfaction when we’ve been offended, and spend our days fighting instead of communicating or working on the problem.

Yes, you absolutely have the right to work in an environment that is safe and where you feel safe.  But are guaranteed the right to work in an environment free from annoying and bossy people?  Free from disagreement?  Free from opposite personalities?

Not really.  Not as long as bossy doesn’t cross the line of personal safety or bullying.

That means YOU have some level of self-responsibility for creating a peaceful environment.  Responsibility means owning your possibly passive role in the situation.   This is not blame!  This is not saying you’ve done anything wrong.  This is just a bit of self-reflection.

Is it possible, that while your co-worker has been overly aggressive, you’ve been overly passive?  Dr. Phil likes to say that we teach people how to treat us.  Maybe it’s time to teach your co-worker how you want to be treated.

I’m not suggesting you return the aggressiveness – there is another option.  Try assertiveness.

Assertiveness means that you deal with the situation directly, but in a way that both people win.  It’s the WIN-WIN point of view.  It’s the dealing with the situation head-on so you don’t have to file complaints, lawsuits, or quit a job your like.

It’s communication.  It’s communicating from a place of love – love for self, if not love for your co-worker.  It allows you to take your power back instead of giving it away to management or to the aggressive co-worker.

As modern, tech savvy, social media blurb posting humans, we really need to learn how to talk to each other again.  We just don’t talk.  It’s a lost art.  It’s really creating a separateness between us as people – which leads to apathy for one another.

Maybe she’s not so bad.  Or, maybe she is.  It’s okay to set your boundaries.  It’s okay to advocate for yourself.  It’s super important to act in line with your integrity and self-confidence.  But, it’s possible to do so in a win-win way that allows you to feel good about yourself and not be on the receiving end of an aggressive person at work.

You can do this!  You can choose to shine your light!  You can create a peaceful environment for yourself at work – despite what others are doing.  Trust me, when you are coming in with a great attitude and shining your light, the person with the bad attitude either eases up or begins to get attention from management on their own.

Don’t give up something you enjoy because of someone else.  Be assertive.  Come from a win-win attitude.  Feel good about yourself and your response to the situation.   TAKE YOUR POWER BACK.

You got this!






Official Opening of My New Office

Today’s the day! 🎉✨

lucy advice

I’ve been working for weeks getting everything ready to go – applying for tax licenses and insurance, putting together chairs and tables and shelves, and making sure everything is ready to go to provide the best service I can to clients.💜

I began the day with the first meditation I’ve done in the space…

dr genie meditation

It was a lovely meditation – peaceful and quiet and really positive energy.  I hope that is the vibe that I can put out there to anyone who visits my space.  It’s a place for healing.  A place for feeling.  A place for becoming who you want to be and who you are meant to be.✌

I’ve got the highest hopes for this space and the transformations that will happen here. 💜 I have helped many others over the years with coaching and card readings and classes – and I know this high vibe space will create even bigger change for all who seek healing here.💫

If you’d like to meet me and talk about how I can help you, get in touch and we’ll set up a free consultation.  Or, set up an appointment for an Oracle Card Session or Crystal Reiki Energy Session.  Call or email me >>>  304-439-8933,

My first class starts next week – SOUL CONNECTION.  I’m offering several dates for the class so you can attend when it best suits you.  It’s a great beginner level class that really helps you connect to your intuition and inner voice.

Come by and see me.  We’ll have a coffee or tea, a chat, and see if I can help you live your best life. 🌸💎💖

💜 Genie


Dear Genie #11

home page box dear genie

This week’s Dear Genie is from someone upset with me.  Hopefully, this response helps clear up a misunderstanding.

Disclosure: This week’s letter was not  sent to Dear Genie but to my Facebook messenger.  I edited slightly for language and deleted a personal attack portion.  Used with permission from sender. 

Messenger wrote:

I listened to your show this week but I couldn’t disagree more.  I’m pissed. I hate this f**king president and what he is doing to my country.  Taking the high road got us in to this mess and now he’s getting another scotus because of obamas high road!  It’s time to fight with all we have.  How dare they call for me to be civil!  F**k them! What is wrong with you that you would fall in line with that!😟

Dear Messenger,


First, I’m sorry we gave the message in the broadcast that you need to be civil or the way “they” are demanding. We were trying to explain that being spiritual and taking the high road doesn’t mean you can’t fight for your beliefs. 

The bigger message was a week long message on my social media, and that is to respond to life instead of reacting.  When you react, you are behaving the way external forces want you to behave so they can use your behavior against you. Responding causes you to think about your own values and truths before taking action.  This allows you to keep inline with your own integrity and keeps you from regretting your behavior. 

Second, anger can be a useful emotion.  It’s 150 on the Emotional Vibration Scale.  (See image below) It is higher than guilt or shame or fear because anger will at least lead to forward movement.  The problem comes when this movement /action is something that later causes you embarrassment or gets you in to legal trouble. 

Anger can be used in a good way…but it’s got to be done on the high road and through thinking first, then responding.  When anger causes us to react without thinking it generally does not end well and we don’t get the results we desire.

Third, don’t just be pissed.  Know what you want.  You know what you don’t want – that’s why you are angry.  Do you know what you want instead? 

Focus on that.  

Nothing will change by obsessing over what is wrong.  It’s a waste of time.  It serves no purpose other than repeatedly highlighting your unhappiness with the situation.

And, if you know anything about the Law of Attraction, you know you attract what you give energy to.  Focusing on them only gets you more of what they are serving.  

If you want change, you’ve got to fight for what you want, rather than posting, arguing, and spending time behaving the way “they” want you to behave – focused on them instead of your needs. 

I hope this clears that up for you.  I didn’t join the other side. I just decided to fight my way instead of theirs.

✌💜 Genie. 

Emotional Vibration Scale