A Talk on Self-Worth and Rising out of the Emotion of Unworthiness.
This week on the #ChooseLove Broadcast we talked about Self-Worth and feelings of unworthiness. This is a pretty deep subject and one that everyone can relate to at one time or another in their lives. I’ve experienced it a lot. In fact, unworthiness is probably my deepest wound, biggest scar, and the issue that kept me stuck in life for many, many years.
I thought I would post my notes from yesterday’s talk. These notes do not include the work that Jay did during the live or his input into the discussion, so if you want to check out the recording you can go to the links under the poster above.
Being overly sensitive to criticism or correction are a huge indicator that you may have a problem with your self-worth. Negative self-thoughts, feelings of lack, feeling blamed, feeling shame, believing that winning is the only form of success, under-achieving and over-achieving, expecting perfection from yourself and others, anger and frustration over the tiniest mistakes, jealousy, lack of confidence, lack of motivation to try, low self-esteem, not trusting others and not being able to commit in relationships are just some of the ways that lack of self-worth manifests itself.
All of those are signs that you have a deep-seeded belief that you are unworthy.
Lack of self-worth starts when we are young and can begin with the smallest of events where we feel rejected. We place the emotion of rejection and unworthiness on the event even if those involved did not intend us to feel that way and even if it isn’t the truth. If we felt rejected, then we assigned rejection to the memory.
If we didn’t get the opportunity to acknowledge and heal that feeling at the time, then it was filed in a folder in our memory that we labeled, “Reasons I’m Not Worthy.”
Every time a similar event happened in our life after that, we were not only dealing with the current situation, but with all the unhealed unworthiness emotions that came before. (And this is why we begin to overreact to tiny problems in our life!)
So, for example, the first time you can recall feeling rejected was in forth grade when a classmate didn’t invite you to their birthday party. You wondered what you had done wrong to not be invited. You wondered what was wrong with you. You wondered why you weren’t worthy of an invitation. This was a major hit on your self-worth.
If you weren’t able to talk to someone about your feelings – either because it wasn’t safe to do so, or you feared being mocked, or you didn’t know how to talk about your feelings – then this emotional moment in your life went unhealed. A new file was created in your memory and you would re-experience this rejection over and over when any kind of situation came up where you felt you were being left out, excluded, rejected, on the outside of the group, or even criticized. Any time you want to go for a new job or ask someone out on a date or seek a raise – your EGO brain pulls up that file and reminds you, “you really aren’t worthy of that…”
And it will keep coming up forever and ever along with every event since then that caused you to feel unworthy and went right in to that “I’m Unworthy” file in your memory, UNTIL YOU HEAL THEM.
Imagine a person who is raised in an environment where they are told they aren’t wanted, that they are a burden, or that they aren’t unworthy. Imagine the pain of feeling rejection and unworthiness from people who intend for you to feel that way! The truth is that so many of us did experience just that kind of rejection.
How do we even begin to let go of that kind of pain and heal those wounds?
The first step in any kind of healing is always to notice and acknowledge that you have this wound. If you have feelings of unworthiness that come up, stop and really feel that and think about why you are feeling that way.
You probably notice that physical sensations come up in your middle back, stomach and rib cage area when the emotion of unworthiness comes up. This is your Solar Plexus region of the body located between your naval and breastbone.
The Solar Plexus is where your self-image energy is processed. It deals with your level of self-worth and everything that your worthiness affects – your confidence, your motivation, nerves, desire for success, self-esteem, ability to be assertive and all those identity driven energies.
(Graphic from my course, CHAKRA POWER, on Teachable)
The unworthiness energy you have stored in your body manifests in your life and blocks this Chakra energy center from allowing clean, positive, empowering energy in to your body. This prevents you from even being able to accept a compliment comfortably.
You know that’s true! You know you feel awkward as heck when someone says something nice to you. Your Ego brain whispers in your head, “nah – I don’t deserve that compliment!”
A great start to begin healing this area of your life is to work on this Chakra using affirmations, crystals and essential oils. (And Yoga if you like)
Place your hand over the Solar Plexus Chakra area and rotate it in circular clock-wise motion while saying these affirmations:
I am worthy; I am powerful; I am free to be me; I am accepted for me; I am open to feeling worthy; I am open to acceptance; I accept myself; I am assertive; I am motivated.
Its nice to have some complementary tools to work with any time you are working with emotions. I always have some go-to crystals and essential oils on hand.
Crystals for the Solar Plexus – citrine, tigers eye, amber. Hold the crystal while you are recalling memories or clearning your Chakra. Carry one with you when you are having feelings of unworthiness.
Essential Oils for the Solar Plexus – Bergamot, lemon, Doterra Cheer Blend, Rosemary. Diffuse or inhale one of these oils while working with this Chakra or place some on this area of your body. Use them whenever feelings of rejection or unworthiness come up.
Mind-Hacking these thoughts is ultimately how you need to get rid of these old emotions for good. This is done through being mindful – noticing every time these particular feelings come up for you and dealing with them on the spot.
When you feel the emotion of unworthiness come up just stop for a second and get grounded.
Grounding is the act of being connected to the present moment in time, rather than being “in your head” going over issues from the past or fearing for the future. You can do this by some of the following ways:
Drink a glass of cold water; walk barefoot and pay attention to the feeling under your feet; take three deep cleansing breaths; go outside and work in the yard or walk in the woods; and it sounds crazy, but, Yes! Hugging a tree is grounding.
Once you are grounded you can deal with whatever is going on in the present moment without the baggage from the past. Grounding closed that “Reasons I’m Not Worthy” file and lets you respond to the present moment.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Is it true that I am unworthy?
- Is this person or situation really mean I am unworthy?
- Is this feeling true?
Answer Key: The answer to all of those questions is NO.
And, here is the kicker. I really want you to get this. Write this down. Say it everyday.
You. Are. Worthy. ALWAYS.
Say it. Believe it.
And, now that you’ve dealt with the current situation, you can start to look at that file in your mind and all the situations that came before now.
Think of the earliest time you can remember feeling unwanted, unworthy, or rejected.
Then, ask yourself those three questions from above again.
The answers don’t change. No. No. No.
You are worthy and you were always worthy and the behavior of other people never determined your worth. Your worth is determined by YOU and only YOU.
Go over each memory you can recall. You know you can recall many of them because they come up in your head each and every time someone rejects you. Mind Hack those suckers!
Adopt a daily “I am worthy” affirmation that you can tell yourself when any little situation arises. Say it when you get up. Say it when you are looking in the mirror. Say it when any feeling of unworthiness begins to creep in to your thoughts.
And, finally, each time you heal one of these events from the past, take the time to forgive yourself for harboring those feelings.
It was not your fault that you interpreted or understood an emotion the way you did as a child. Of course you felt the way you did. Of course you stored those memories. Of course you didn’t know how to heal yourself. You were a child. You didn’t know better. And now you do. You are now taking responsibility as an adult to heal.
And that is a beautiful thing.
Love, Light, and Healing