On Victim Mindset

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Click The Image for the broadcast discussed below.   

I wanted to take a moment with this blog to personally address all of you amazing  and beautiful souls who are survivors and victims of horrific trauma and crimes in your life.  One of my missions in 2019 is to get people out of “victim mindset” or “playing the victim”.  I talked about this yesterday on my weekly broadcast (link above) and my friend and sister in the metaphysical world mentioned during the broadcast that using that language is off putting to some – especially to people who are truly victims and survivors.  I’m so glad she said something because I want you to know that I love you and that I am sending you so much healing energy in this blog and that YOU are not “playing the victim” and YOU are not the target of my “victim mindset” message.  Please know that I honor and respect you and your healing journey and that I am here for you holding space without judgement or shame.  ♥ g


“Playing the Victim” is harsh sounding.  It sort of does imply that someone is being intentionally dishonest in dealing with their emotional baggage.  It’s definitely triggering.  It definitely pisses people off.  It definitely puts people on the defensive.  And I’m okay with pissing people off.  In spiritual healing we need to really take notice of things that trigger us and piss us off because that means there is something more there for us to look at within ourselves.   Being offended means there is something there – some self-belief that we need to acknowledge and address.  If you are truly seeking healing, then you must look at the things that make you uncomfortable, offend you, trigger you, and piss you off and seek the truth in that emotion.

However, I’m not okay with hurting feelings or belittling anyone’s experience.  From this point forward I am going to use the phrase “victim mindset” instead of “playing the victim”.  It sounds less of a personal attack, I feel.  My intention to help people come out of victim mindset is not to shame and blame.  It is to heal.  I hope you can feel the love behind this.  I hope you can listen and open your hearts to healing a mental construct that is preventing so many of us from living happy and joyous lives.

So, what is victim mindset?

It’s simply not taking responsibility for your own life, your own choices, your own “weaknesses”, and your own mistakes.  It’s thinking that someone else is responsible for your choices.

The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. – Eckhart Tolle

So many people have experienced terrible trauma that was out of their control.  Children suffer and then grow up to be adults who still are trying to survive.  Horrific accidents, crimes, violence, war, injustice – these are events where a person has no choice – no ability to decide for themselves.

If you have a choice, you are not a victim.  You are a person who made a choice which resulted in consequences and outcomes.   Not making a choice is a choice.  Allowing others to make your choices is a choice.

And if that sounds like you, please don’t feel shamed or wrong.  If you are feeling defensive right now, I want you to know that you are okay and you are loved and you are a beautiful soul who is only coping with life the way you were taught – the only way that you know.

But know that victim mindset causes you to feel powerless.  It causes you to feel stuck.  It causes you to feel helpless.  It causes you to feel like other people are in control of you.  This is a hopeless way to live!  This is a soul-killing path!  (Not really.  You can’t kill your soul – but you sure can block yourself from connection with it!)

You simply cannot move forward and make good decisions or live life with purpose and love and joy and freedom if you are not taking responsibility for your own life and choices.

Some examples:

You keep ending up in the same type of relationships with abusive partners.  Notice the pattern.  Notice the warning signs.  Notice the early behaviors you always ignore and put up with because they “aren’t that bad”.  Then you can make a choice to never put up with those things ever again – even it means you are alone.

Your finances are a mess and you are very sick but can’t go to the doctor because you don’t have insurance or money to pay a doctor bill.  Going forward you can choose to find a way to save every penny you can for emergencies.  (You can check with hospital charity to help you on this occasion and know that your situation is why they have fundraisers and assistance available. No shame.)

*My husband and I are going through a financial strain right now because of the government shut down.  No, we didn’t have a choice in this political mess – but we sure could have made sure we had the savings available to survive something like this.  NOT EVERYONE HAS THE CHOICE TO BUILD SAVINGS – I know this from experience as a young mother.  But, we certainly could have been saving more the past few years.  Hard lesson learned, but we will be making new choices moving forward and not blaming anyone, including politicians, for where we are financially.  Some furloughed families are victims of this mess, however, so help them if you can.  


The biggest area of healing I want to work on with victim mindset is with the terrible things we say to ourselves.  The awful judgments we have in our heads.  There is no one harder on us than we are!  And we feel like a victim of our own self-esteem.  We can heal this.  You can heal the negative talk and self-abuse!

If this is something you need and want – then come on this journey with me in 2019.  If you are not ready, that’s okay too.  You are where you need to be in this moment.  Take your time.  Heal on your own schedule.  When you are ready, jump in with us and receive the love, compassion, and support you need.

Love and Light and so much Healing Energy infused in this blog for You.  Take all you need. 

♥ genie


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Dear Genie #17

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I received many messages throughout the Holidays about the topic of strained family relationships and family gatherings.  Few people can’t relate to today’s letter from someone with a familiar pain – being mistreated during the Holidays.

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If you would like to submit a letter for Dear Genie just click the image or the contact tab above.


Silence of the Fams, Writes,


Dear Genie,

I am so hurt and just furious!  I visited my parents at Christmas and they acted like I wasn’t even there.  I only see them a couple times a year and they went about their business as if I was not around.  Watching tv and going out with friends was more important.  I spent most of my time home on my phone and now I’m just hurt.  I don’t know what I did wrong but it would have been better if they had just told me instead of ignoring me.


Dear Silence,

Yeah.  The old silent treatment.  Passive-aggressiveness at its finest.

I’m sorry this happened – especially over the holidays.  It seems that negative things at the holidays are so much worse than if they happened at other times of the year, right?

Maybe you did something.  Maybe you didn’t.  If you did, they sure didn’t respond in a very grown up way.  I would even guess that this isn’t their usual behavior – if it were you probably would not be so hurt by it.

I wonder if there was something going on with them that they didn’t tell you – something that caused this unusual behavior?   It might be good to check on them and see if they will open up about any problems they are dealing with.   That’s not to make an excuse for passive-aggressive behavior, mind you.  But, they may be due some extra compassion and forgiveness on this one.  It’s a possibility worth checking out.

But, let’s say they were angry at you for something.  Or maybe they misunderstood something you said or did.  Christmas is over.  The visit is over.  None of you can get that short time together back. This is the memory you have of them until you get a chance to visit again.  Passive-aggressiveness is cruel and destructive.  And it’s not your fault.  No matter if you did do something to offend.  Their behavior is not about you – it’s about their emotional immaturity.

That being said, you have this pain and you need to do something with it.  You know that as long as you hold on to it you will continue to pay the price for their behavior.  You need to transmute it and get rid of it.

Communicate with your parents.  Apologize if there was a misunderstanding or offense.  Be compassionate for their feelings, while also speaking your truth about how hurt you are about not having the holiday with them you had hoped.  Let’s hope they can explain and apologize.

If not, you need to let the pain go.  Don’t pack it in your luggage to carry with you.  You can do this by forgiving yourself for whatever part in this you blame yourself for.  Forgive yourself for being vulnerable – it’s ok to be vulnerable again.  Forgive yourself for going to the trouble of visiting them – and visit them again.  Forgive yourself for being angry at your parents – they are human and make mistakes and cause offense like everyone else.  Forgive yourself for being unhappy at Christmas – find the moments that were good and remember them.

This card came up in a reading I did today:

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Try not to hang on to this anger and disappointment – even if you never understand why they acted that way.  You are the only one who will suffer for carrying this with you.

Forgive yourself.  Forgive them.

Best of Luck,

♥ Genie


Action vs Distraction

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In 2018 it was my mission to bring back LOVE.  Not romantic love, but love from our soul.  I focused on self-love, making decisions from a place of love, and most of all, choosing love over fear.

We have a long way to go as a species to get back to our original state of soul consciousness and conquer the strangle hold that EGO has on us using fear.  And I am going to go on teaching and practicing on connecting to soul consciousness in the new year.  We still have work to do on this!

But, it’s also time to stop talking and start doing.  It’s time to put away the dis-traction and move forward.  No more excuses.  No more playing the victim.  No more allowing others to make our decisions.  No more waiting for the perfect moment, the perfect bank account, or the perfect job.

This year we are going to start living happy and fulfilled lives of joy!  This year we are going to live our dreams!  This year is the year that Action Conquers Distraction.  


Some people say there will never be the right time or right circumstances, so that is why you should go for your dreams now.  I don’t see it exactly in that way.  I think NOW is ALWAYS the right time and the right circumstances – no matter what those circumstances are.

Would you believe me if I told you that you can be living your dreams right this moment?

It’s true.

It’s true because it’s all about what consciousness we are accessing to choose whether or not we are happy, joyous, and living the life we dream of.   Is your perspective coming from a place of love, or from a place of fear?

This year I am going to be putting a ton of content out for you to help you get moving and living your dreams.  I am literally getting off my bum and taking action to be consistent and present for you – and in doing so I will be continuing to live my dream!

Here is a look at weekly opportunities for you to learn and grow:

  • Sunday Evening Oracle Card Weekly Forecast on YouTube
  • Monday Dear Genie Blog
  • Tuesday #ChooseLove Broadcast with Genie & Jay
  • Wednesday Wisdom Blog
  • Thursday Classes at the Sanctuary
  • Friday Facebook Live

Coming up on January 10th is the rescheduled December class, LIFE BY DESIGN.  This course is all about taking action to live your dreams!  Enroll here:

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Taking this course is a great way to set the steps you need to get moving and to visualize living your dreams.

Some other ACTION you can take today to live a happier life, connected to your soul consciousness and headed towards your dreams are:

  1. Make your own choices.  Very few people are really victims in life, but so many of us feel victims when others control us, decide for us, and leave us waiting.  Take ACTION – take your life back!  When you decide, you have the power.
  2. Get off the Facebook!  Set a limit for how much time to give social media and stick to it!
  3. Get a paper organizer/calendar.  Something you can see, smell and touch.  When you write something down you tend to remember it better than saving to your online scheduler.
  4. Spend a few minutes each morning make a daily goals list.
  5. Find someone who will keep you honest about your goals – accountability is important!
  6. Having a day where you just can’t keep to your plan?  It’s okay.  Forgive yourself right then and there.  Take a mulligan.  Remove all guilt from your mind.  Love yourself.
  7. Small steps are steps!  It doesn’t matter the speed – it matters that you are moving forward.  Take a small step each day.
  8. Keep educating yourself and growing.  Read blogs, books, and articles about your passion!  There is no shame is getting ideas from other sources.
  9. Practice gratitude.  Love the life you have now – You are alive!  You have choice!  You have the chance to dream!
  10. Choose Love, always.  Make choices from love instead of from fear.  Check your thoughts and reactions – are they from fear?  If they are, rethink them.

If you have a hard time with these, I’m going to be helping to get you started this year.  If you need a little extra support, I’ve got appointments available for Transpersonal Counseling Sessions,  Synergy Life Coaching, Reiki, and Oracle Card Sessions.  Book an appointment with me to help you choose where you can take ACTION in your life.  BOOK AN APPOINTMENT.

This is going to be the year where we take our power back!  Action will conquer Distraction!

Who’s with me this year?


♥ Genie

Blame the Monkey Mind

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To change your thoughts is to change your life. 


In this newly enlightened spiritual rise there are a plethora of religious and spiritual teachings out there for all of us to ingest.  Never before has Eastern Spiritual Philosophy been so studied by the masses in the West.  From Reiki to Qi Gong, Yoga to Meditation, and Eastern Herbalism, Shamanism, Energy Healing and Metaphysics (Consciousness).

One recent Buddhist Philosophy to bridge the East/West divide is called “The Monkey Mind” or “Mind Monkey”.   This relates to the human thought and belief process and how our minds are chaotic, indecisive, non-focused, stuck, hyper, and full of intense inner-monologue that distracts us from where our attention should be in moment.

Tools like meditation, grounding, and mindfulness are suggested ways we can quiet and refocus the Monkey Mind.  This helps us think clearly, make good decisions, choose behaviors that align with our spirit, and cut through fear and hatred so we can get to the truth of who we are.   

It’s called the Monkey Mind because our thoughts can be wonky acting just like the way some monkeys can behave wonky, crazy, unpredictable, super-energetic, and seemingly reckless.

When you are at the sink washing dishes, are your thoughts on each dish as you wash or are your thoughts on the 50 other things you need to get done or on that conversation you recently had with someone and was too afraid to speak your mind?

Your mind is on 50 other things or that missed opportunity.  That’s the Monkey Mind.  It keeps your thoughts lost in a story and away from the moment.  The only real moment is now, in this moment.   Yesterday is a memory and tomorrow is a mystery.   This moment is the only truth.  The Monkey Mind keeps you in a state of regretting yesterday and fearful for tomorrow.  It hides the truth from you because it blocks you from the real moment – also known as – REALITY.   The Monkey Mind keeps you from real life.  

Why we need to know this concept is because the Monkey Mind distracts us and gets us in to trouble.  We make poor decisions, we can’t think straight, we behave impulsively, we don’t know what we really want, we act from fear and we procrastinate.  We can blame the Monkey Mind for the messes we make.  We say it’s in our bloodit’s just who we are.  Its our history, our legacy, our entitlement to think these wonky thoughts.  The Monkey on our back.  The Monkey made me do it.  Whatever that Monkey is in your life.  

There is something about this Monkey Mind that I think we misunderstand.  And this is because we relate “monkeys” to our early primate ancestors and animal family tree.  When we think of ourselves as having this primate behavior – this Monkey Mind – we assume this is a trait passed down to us physically in our DNA from the primitive age of man.  Something that has passed down to us through our primate ancestors – actual monkey cousins.  This is in our blood.  We can’t change.  We are who we are.  We are under the impression that the thoughts and beliefs we hold are some sort of legacy like eye color or height.

If, for example, our parents held a belief that their religion was the one and only true religion for the entire world, we might feel like that kind of belief is part of the truth of who we really are.  It’s our legacy.  It’s in the DNA of our family.  And we might spend a whole lot of time in our Monkey Mind fearing what will happen if others don’t agree with our religion or trying to find ways to force our religion on to other people.   

Now, spiritual people might then go on to say we can learn to cope with the Monkey Mind through meditation and mindfulness and eventually overcome the Monkey Mind through practice.   Great!  Put that Monkey Mind in its place!

But, people who are stuck living in a state of fear will use the thoughts of the Monkey Mind to claim entitlement, rights, superiority and dominance over others.  All because of irrational, wonky, unpredictable, hyper, fearful Monkey Mind thoughts and beliefs.  Because it’s who they are, they believe.

It’s easy to think that our beliefs and thoughts are part of our DNA and human journey.  Evolution is a controversial subject and one not broached in public schools on any depth.  We do not understand our own evolutionary history because learning it might offend some people and their Monkey Mind beliefs.  There are a lot of humans who think they are superior and have greater rights to life than does nature or other humans because they lack education on evolution.  They hold superiority beliefs and thoughts which they trust are the truth simply because of the voice in their head.  The Monkey Mind (thoughts and beliefs) told them so.  It must be true.

No.  That’s not how this works.  That’s not how any of this works.  

Thoughts and beliefs are learned.  They are a product of our environment, not our DNA.  They are nurture, not nature.  We are not born with Monkey Mind.  We acquire it through life experience.  The thoughts and beliefs of the Monkey Mind are 100% man-made fiction.   


The monkey, unfortunately, is associated with human internal thoughts and beliefs in this philosophy because of the way monkeys can behave chaotically and energetically.  It is not because monkeys have chaotic or energetic thought patterns.  We can’t know the thought patterns of monkeys, can we?  It is about their behavior.  The monkey is not used here because we share with them some thought and belief gene in our DNA.  Beliefs and thoughts are metaphysical – beyond physical – beyond seeing, touching, tasting or hearing.  We can’t compare something invisible in humans to something that may or may not invisibly exist in monkeys.

The monkey is a symbol used simply as a way to get a physical image of an invisible mental process so we can easier understand the concept. Most likely the monkey was used as the symbol because there are a lot of monkeys in the areas where this philosophy was created.  Monkeys were easily observed and so this is the animal chosen to represent the chaos of the modern human mind.  Had this philosophy been created in a different setting, the animal chosen may have been a humming bird or wild stallion or other creature that we are not linked to via family tree.   The monkey is used here as an analogy – a way to tell a story – a comparison – not a real physical connection.

Our thoughts and beliefs are not written on our genetic code.  They are man-made creations.  They are stories that we think are truth.  

I bring this up because it is so very important that we begin to understand the human mind.  We must learn that thoughts and beliefs are human creation – illusion – fiction – a story –  which we create to make us feel safe and secure in the world.  Thoughts and beliefs are not truth – they are perspective- they are choices.  That is all.

If our thoughts and beliefs are just stories then we can rewrite them.   We have the power to transmute limiting beliefs that keep us stuck and unhappy.  We have the ability to transform the beliefs given to us by others as we grew up in to ones that demonstrate our own growth and experience.  We can choose to rewrite the story that was told to us and create a more empowering story for our lives.  

Once you get that concept then you can begin to look at your own beliefs and decide which ones align with you and which ones don’t.  Which ones do you hold because you are afraid, and which ones empower you to live a happy, joyous life?  Which ones cause you to hate your neighbor, and which ones bring you closer to your spiritual truth?   Which ones keep you from going after your passions and dreams and which ones keep you small so you can feel safe and protected?  Which ones distract you from the moment and keep you from being focused on being the best possible you and which ones tell you the truth of who you really are?

We can take control of the Monkey Mind anytime we want.  The power is already within us.  We don’t need spiritual training.  We don’t need a guru.  We don’t need candles, crystals, essential oils or self-help books.  (Though, admittedly, I love them all!)  We just need to understand that we can look at our thoughts and beliefs and change anything we don’t resonate with any longer.  But we must look at our beliefs and not ignore our thoughts.  We have to do the work!  The Monkey Mind can’t keep us from reality once we acknowledge that we haven’t been living there.

This is so important today in a world that is in a constant state of panic and fear and war and hatred.  We must start taking a look at why we are afraid -what belief is making us feel this way?  Why do we fear those who do not look like us?  Why do we distance ourselves from responsibility for the care of one another?  Why do we only worry about our own needs?  Why do we hoard wealth and resources?  Why do we commit acts of war and genocide?  Why do we feel entitled to force our political or religious views on others?  Why do some feel they are superior and have a higher claims to the right to life, liberty, justice, and happiness?  Why do we judge others harshly while giving ourselves a pass on the same behavior? Why do we ignore the voice of love?  Why do we allow the Monkey Mind to control our lives?

It’s time we worked on the beliefs that allow us to fear, hate, destroy, hoard, and feel entitled to dominate all others.  They are wrong.  They are made up.  They are just stories.  They can be rewritten. We all, man and monkeys, have the same right to life, liberty, and happiness on Earth.  

Maya Angelou once said, “when you know better, you do better.”   We need to know the truth of our minds so we can do better in our lives.   And now that you know that the Monkey Mind  – your wonky, untrue, delusional thoughts and beliefs –  does not come from your DNA and is something you can change, you can’t blame it for your mistakes, your fear, or your hatred anymore.  You know you have the power to do better.

Let’s do better.






The Equation is Simply Wrong


No, not that equation!  Seriously?  I can’t even do that math!  

I’m talking about the equation we use to figure out what we want out of life.  Think back to when you knew what you wanted to do or what you wanted to be when you “grew up”.   What did you say to yourself when you chose a college major or decided what career field you wanted to break in to?

For most of us the conversation went like this:

I want to be a CEO for a ______ type of company before I’m 35.


I want to make my first million dollars as a ________ before I’m forty.


I want to work for the same company and retire at the age of _________.


I’ve got my whole life ahead of me to think about that so I’m not going to think about it now.


It’s too stressful to think about.  I’ll never make anything of my life so I’m just not going to plan anything.


Am I right?  You’ve had any or all of those conversations with yourself, right?!

That’s because we go about planning our life all wrong!  We start with the focus on the wrong thing.  If the way we plan our life was a math equation it would look like this:

s = d / t

speed equals distance divided by time

We are solving for speed.  Speed, in this equation, means, “how fast can I get there?“, “how long can I procrastinate?” and “how slow can I be so I spend enough time with family and friends?

Distance, in this equation, is our life goal and destination, if we have one.  “I want to be _______.”  “I want to do _______.

Time, in this equation, is at what age we expect we will achieve our goal.  “I expect to reach my goals by 35.

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Here is where we go wrong.

We don’t solve the right element in the equation first.  So, when we solve for s first,  we are really just guessing at the value of d and t.  We go with what our parents want for us, or what society expects from us – or some limiting belief we picked up and assigned as an expectation upon ourselves.  We are letting the outside world tell us the value of d and t, then we try and figure out how fast we can live up to those expectations.  (Or, defiantly, in some cases, we figure out how we can not live up to those expectations.  Either way, others are making our goals for us.)

And this can cause us a lot of stress.  When we focus on how fast we are reaching our goals, we are putting the pressure on ourselves to create “success” instead of creating a life we love.  If we are not making fast enough progress we become overwhelmed and full of anxiety.  What if we think we don’t have the resources to work on the future and so we stress and worry and feel guilty for what we won’t have later in life because we think we are going too slow to get there.  Or, perhaps we are turnin’ and burnin’ and making things happen fast, but we never see our family or spend time doing things we love?

And, what if our speed changes?  Maybe we decide to have a family.  What if we have a major health problem?  Imagine if the financial markets crash and wipe out our portfolio or our corporation goes bankrupt?  YIKES!  Disaster!   These life hurdles change the speed (s) at which you are building your life.  The whole equation is changed and your goals (d)  and expectations (t), that you didn’t even create, that you just guessed at or took on because it was what family and society expected from you, have to change and adjust as well.

The result:

Guilt.  Shame.  Stress.  Overwhelm.  Anxiety. Depression.  Self-doubt.  Fear.  Chaos.

We have the equation wrong.

But, we can get it right.


Not to leave you hanging, but I’m going to teach the right equation and how to work the math at my 2019 Life by Design  live workshop in November and December at my office.  I’ll offer the class online in January.  Make sure to follow the blog to get updated info. 

This workshop is going to take you step by step in to figuring out all the pieces of the equation and which element needs to be solved first and why.  This equation will work for all your goal planning – not just major life goals, but smaller ones too!  I’ll show you how to solve the equation so that even life’s biggest hurdles don’t change the values.   Plus, I’ll help you see that you can be living your dream life much quicker than you think.  

2019 can be your year!  Join me to figure out how!  And trust me, the math will be sooo easy!  (And you thought you’d never use Algebra after high school!)

xo Genie


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Turning the Big Five Oh No

I’m closing in on my fiftieth birthday and processing the feels is beginning to get a little overwhelming. 😬


It’s not that I feel old or am even lamenting old age; it’s the milestone and the truths that need to be faced at this stage in life.  Just like turning 18 and we had all those choices to make and responsibility placed on our shoulders.  Do I go to college?  Do I join the military?  Do I move out of my parents house yet?  Do I vote or do I protest with my non vote? What do I want to do with the rest of my life?

Big questions on that milestone.  Huge.

It’s the same at fifty – only sort of a reversal in perspective – looking back instead of forward.  Have I accomplished anything?  Is my health good? Is there still time to make sure I will be okay in retirement?  How many years do I have left to serve my purpose?  Have I given the love I was meant to give?

Some people of my generation still don’t know their purpose.  And, unfortunately, it seems we are going to have less time to get done what we came here to do.  My generation is unhealthy.  We are burdened with the decisions of the generation before – fast food replacing family dinner, weapons of war in our neighborhoods, and killer chemicals in our mass produced fruits, vegetables, grains, and meat.


We are the last generation of outside kids.  We’re the first generation of home video games, movie players, and round the clock tv entertainment.

We’re the Big Mac, Fillet o Fish, Quarter Pounder, French Fries, latchkey, ET, Atari, I want my MTV generation.


We are too young to remember the pain of the Vietnam War or gas lines, but old enough to have been brought up on the Beetles, the Stones, and Disco.  My mom and uncles had the coolest music!

I do have such fond memories of being a kid.  It seems like just moments ago I was dancing with my mom to Sly and The Family Stone.


She’s actually been gone for 6 years now, passing away just two weeks after turning 65.


Fifteen years from now I’ll be 65.  If I had known when she turned 50 that I only had 15 more years with her…


Life is so short.  We are not guaranteed a minute beyond this one. Spend your love.  Don’t wait for the right time, the right person, the perfect circumstances, or enough money.

Love today.


Atone for your mistakes.


Make the call.

Send the card.

Buy the tickets.

Take the trip.

Say the words.

Live your passion.

Live. From. Love.

And keep doing it for all the days of your life.

That’s what I’m going to do. That’s my life plan from here on out.  No wasted moments.

I’mma make 50 feel like a teen girl at a Michael Jackson concert in 1984.


💖 Genie

Life Coach Apprenticeship

coming soon


The world needs more lightworkers, light bringers, love messengers and soul coaches!


I often write and post about this overwhelming energy of fear and anger and hate that seems so pervasive in our world today.  Would you believe me if I told you that this dark energy is an indication that change is coming?

Spirituality is on the rise.  We are beginning to understand that we have been misled by Ego in to believing that we live a dual existence – a body with a soul (which is separate from us.)  The Ego tells us that our body is our true self and that we are separate from all other life and that our priority is self-protection from this other life.

In truth, we are spirit.  We are soul consciousness creating a physical existence to experience.  And, we are one with all other life.

This concept has been taught through the ages in Buddhism, with the great Greek philosophers, and in the shaman practices across the globe.  It’s not new, and it’s not new-age.  It’s ancient wisdom that we have been trying to decipher and understand for thousands and thousands of years.   And we are finally getting it!  We are finally able to understand and teach others the truth of our existence!  That truth is that we are equipped with the tools for healing, that we are born with the consciousness of Love, and that we can choose to reject living from a place of fear, self-doubt, overwhelm and Ego dominance.   We can overcome the dark energy and live lives that are full and happy and joyful!  If we can learn how…

Coaching has been around a long time.  Whether coaching sports or health or business, the coaching industry is huge.  Life Coaching has grown to be a significant niche in the coaching profession and is a perfect system to reach others with a spiritual and metaphysical message of holistic wellness – mind, body, and soul.

I spent a decade working on my own wellness transformation.  I took thousands of dollars worth of courses and training and buying self-help books.  I would always feel awakened and ready for change after learning new knowledge, but would soon waver in using my skills in real life situations.  I needed continued support.  I needed guidance.  I needed mentoring.

And then two things happened.  I began my formal education in Metaphysics and I joined up with a business and spiritual mentor.  This is when everything began to “click” for me.  This is when I began to really understand how to use my knowledge in real life living.  This is when my education and life experience synergized in to real wisdom.

I created this apprenticeship program to offer you the same mentoring and opportunity that I’ve had over the last few years.  I want to walk side-by-side with you as you study my courses and learn to use them in real life living.

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If you are currently trying to establish a life coaching business or are interested in building a holistic life coaching practice, I invite you to check out this program.  I created it to be gentle, affordable and to flow so that you have lots of time to learn, practice and hone every skill before moving on to the next.  And by the end, you will have earned a Certification in Holistic Life Coaching and the confidence and competence to offer life coaching to those who seek it.

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Your skills and abilities are needed now more than ever!  If you feel called to help others, then look in to this program.  I would be so happy to walk beside you on your journey!  Click below for more info. 


Join me!

♥ Genie

Dear Genie #16

home page box dear genie

Send a Letter to Dear Genie

I recently received this letter on being ghosted.  Check out my advice….


Ghosted writes:

Dear Genie,

I was recently ghosted by a close family member.  The truth is that we weren’t getting along very well but I never imagined our differences would cause them to cut me completely out of their life.   This person leaned on me a lot for advice and favors and perhaps that made me feel entitled to tell my opinion on how they were living their life.  Is this why they cut me out of it completely?  It hurts and I get really angry that I can’t find out why or what I did or how I can heal this.  And I’m not sure I can forgive them and accept them back in my life if they ever try.  How do I forget them the way they have forgotten me so I can go on with my life not feeling hurt and angry?


Dear Ghosted,

I’m so sorry you experienced this deeply hurtful form of passive-aggression.  I know you must feel confused and helpless at not knowing why or what you did wrong.

Ghosting is a manipulator’s way to get the last abusive word via passive-aggression.  They just disappear from your life.  They stop taking your calls and answering your messages.  They treat you like you never existed in their life.  It’s a master manipulation move intended to cause you endless suffering with no ability to find closure.

It really hurts and can be soul crushing.

If you let it.

I can give you a pretty spin on why they did this – how maybe they were more sensitive to the differences between you or took your advice more harshly or critically than you intended.  I can say that sometimes people feel situations are toxic and they have to leave them behind.  Yes, there are all sorts of reasons a person will ghost another person.  Perhaps they even have good reasons for wanting to walk away from a relationship.

But none of them matter because there is no excuse for behaving with such a dismissive attitude and callous disregard for the humanity of another person.  The only exception being that the person felt it was best for their personal safety.  

Did you overstep your bounds with this person?  Probably.

Did you deserve to be ghosted?  It doesn’t sound that way to me.

So, how do you move forward?

Forgiveness is a big key.  You need to forgive yourself for whatever you may have done  intentionally or unintentionally to offend, overstep, or hurt this family member.  If you had the opportunity to apologize and make amends, you would surely do that.  You are human and that means you are not perfect.  We all make mistakes.  You owned up to that in your letter by admitting you may have caused this rift and by not pretending to be innocent.  That doesn’t mean you have to live in guilt or shame.  It just means you learn from it and grow.  It’s all you can do.

  • Forgive yourself.  Step one and vital to moving forward. 

You need to forgive them as well.  It’s not easy.  They are still hurting you with their blocking of you from their life.  For whatever reason, they need this space.  For whatever reason, they are unable to face you with their concerns.  For whatever reason, they are unable to deal with this in a healthy way – for you or them.

Trust me when I tell  you that they are unhealed.  Ghosting you did not solve their problems.  Healthy people do not ghost other people.

  • Forgive them.  Send them healing energy.  You’ll be amazed and how healing that will be for you.  

Finally, you’ve got to know that another person’s behavior is about them, not about you.  They had lots of ways to deal with their feelings – and they chose ghosting.   This is their choice and their responsibility.  Not yours.

  • Be at peace with the fact that you didn’t cause a person to ghost you.


Should they ever desire to re-enter your life will be your choice to make to allow it, or not.  But, learn from this experience.  You can allow a person to explain themselves without giving them the chance to hurt you again.  You have a right to set boundaries for the behavior and treatment you will accept in your life.  Be open and honest about your feelings, concerns, and whether or not you can trust this person to be a part of your life again.  Don’t ghost them back.  Love and respect yourself enough to not lower your behavior like that.  

Forgive yourself.  Forgive them.  Be at peace.

♥ Genie






Mommy Shaming Mommies

Anyone remember the fitness mom who came out with the perfect body only weeks after her third of forth child was born and exclaimed that we could all accomplish this if we were’t so lazy?

Oh, I remember it.

So many things go in to the recovery of the body after giving birth – did this woman have any postpartum depression or physical problems post delivery like anemia or ptsd from a traumatic birth?  I did.

Was she in great shape before and during her delivery?  Does she have a great metabolism?  Is she a naturally high energy person?   Me?  No. No. and No.

So, good for her.  Well done.  But, why shame other moms who aren’t there?  Do we not have enough emotional and mental shit to deal with without other moms belittling our experience and telling us we aren’t doing enough?

And that is just one example.  Moms do it to each other in person all the time.  In the school pick up line – at soccer practice – and even in what they tell their own children who then go to school and repeat the shaming.  “My mom said…”

My children are all grown up.  In their twenties.  Out of the house.  And I’m able to do whatever I want – like work out and eat right.  I’m still failing at it and have none of the parenting excuses I used to.  And so what?  I’m working on other areas of my life and I’m not ashamed of who I am.  But, when I come across mommy shaming mommies, I can find myself right back in the place I was 15 or 20 years ago when my babies were still babes and how I felt to be beat down my those women who claimed perfection and pointed out my lack of it.

This week a blog came up on my timeline.  I must have a few friends who follow this mom blogger because I see her posts and blog links quite often.  I don’t follow her personally because I’m not where she is in life – with little ones still at home- but I have read some of her writing.  She tells her mom experience through humor – a sarcastic, cranky, and defiant style of humor that often just comes off as angry venting – but I have been able to relate to how I felt at that stage in life and take her stories for what they are – sharing life’s frustrations and imperfections.

But, this week I was bothered by a blog she posted.  It was all about telling others to stop telling her she needed to have some self-care time.  She even mentioned wanting to punch those people in the face when they offer such advice.

How I wish someone had told me that it was OK to think of myself when my kids were little.  How I wish people had offered me that compassion and wisdom! 

Those people offering her compassionate advice were probably moms themselves, like me, who did their time in the trenches and only found out later that respite was available.  They were being kind.  They were offering support.  They were not being mean or cruel or shaming.  And her reaction to them hit a nerve with me.

It hit a nerve because other moms read her stuff – A LOT of other moms with littles at home with all the mom guilt and shame that goes with it.  Some struggling mom read that blog and decided that self-care isn’t possible.  Some exhausted mom questioned that if a major blogger mom couldn’t find time for self-care, how could she?  Do moms that read her blog now feel less hopeful for “me time” or a break?  And do the moms who manage to carve out self-care time now feel guilty that they are neglecting some duty in order to be “selfish”?

See, self-care is something I neglected for 40 years.  It’s only been in the last ten years that I understood what self-care is and why putting myself first isn’t selfish.  It’s the biggest message I give to other women when they write to me or come see me.

Take care of yourself.  Fill your cup first.  Find time to love you.  

To have another woman with a huge audience telling others that it just isn’t possible to practice self-care is heartbreaking for me because of the women I know who will feel ashamed for trying.

Stop. Mommy. Shaming. Already.  Support one another.  Lift up one another.  Love one another.

If you are a mom who doesn’t think she can find the time or energy for self-care, let me help. 

For starters, self-care isn’t really about massages and spa days and shopping with friends or a weekend away.  Those activities are really on the extreme end of the self-care scale.   These are major events and don’t always translate in to real self-care.  If you are having a spa day and worried about the money it is costing the entire time then it’s NOT self-care!  If you go away for the night or the weekend and you obsessively worry about the kids and the condition of the house the whole time then it’s NOT self-care.

If you are financially strapped, spa days meant to relax you will just cause you more stress.  Days and weekends away when you have a deadline to meet will likely cause you fear and frustration rather than the freedom and peace a trip is meant to achieve.

The extreme self-care options are rarely real options to moms (and dads) with very small children.  It’s just hard to find the time, money and energy to do those things.   So, what can you do that is practical and loving at the same time?

Self- care needs to be good choices so that you can love yourself guilt free. It should be something that you can do whenever an opportunity arises.  It should be something you can do every day.

Here are some ideas:



♥ Start saving change for that getaway or spa day when the time comes that you feel free to go.

♥ Put the kids down to a nap with spa music on and a child safe essential oil diffuser blend.  Enjoy relaxing for five minutes with the music and aroma after they finally go to sleep.

♥ Get a hair appointment – shampoo and cut and style.  It’s not the spa, but someone else washing your hair and styling it is heaven.

♥ Try getting up ten minutes before the kids.  Have a coffee pot with an alarm to auto brew the coffee.  Grab a cup and head out on the porch for five minutes of meditation before the chaos begins.

♥ Shower.  Add some essential oil to your soap or get some shower bombs.  Breathe it in.  Feel the sensation of the aroma.  Even if just for two minutes.

♥ Get back to doing a hobby that you loved BC (before children).  Even if you have to modify it for the time and space.  Like to paint?  So do kids!  Like to dance?  So do kids!  Like to sing?  So do kids!  Like to hike?  So do… well, give them bubbles and drag them along (LOL!)

♥ Journal or blog.  It’s good to get your feelings and frustrations out in a safe way.  This can take as few as five minutes.

♥ Find something to be grateful for in each day.  Did the kids take a longer nap than usual?  Did they make less of a mess at lunch?  Did they get themselves dressed?  Did you get that five minutes out of the porch with your coffee?  Express this gratitude to your family or to the Divine.

♥ Pamper yourself daily with something that makes you feel pretty, sexy, or even just human.  Find a special lotion, essential oil, high vibe crystal,  hand soap, or hair product that is just for you and no one else in the house.  Acknowledge your special and exclusive something when you use it just for you.  This is for me only because I deserve it!  Yes!  It’s okay not to share everything!

♥ Audio Books!  Some libraries have these available now.  You can listen while you do laundry or color with the kids.

♥ Make use of offers to watch the kids or help clean house or cook a meal.  It’s okay for others to lend a hand.  It’s what friends and family do best.


So, just a few ideas – and there are an unlimited number of others.  Whether its two minutes, five minutes, or an entire day – you can pamper yourself, love yourself and care for yourself without the guilt or shame or feeling worse than before you did something to feel better.

But, know one thing – you moms are doing the best you can everyday.  Don’t ever let anyone tell you any different.  What works for them is for them.  What works for you is for you.  Be happy.  Be confident.  Be loving to the most important person in your life – YOU.

♥ Genie





   A Talk on Self-Worth and Rising out of the Emotion of Unworthiness.

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This week on the #ChooseLove Broadcast we talked about Self-Worth and feelings of unworthiness.  This is a pretty deep subject and one that everyone can relate to at one time or another in their lives.  I’ve experienced it a lot.  In fact, unworthiness is probably my deepest wound, biggest scar, and the issue that kept me stuck in life for many, many years.

I thought I would post my notes from yesterday’s talk.  These notes do not include the work that Jay did during the live or his input into the discussion, so if you want to check out the recording you can go to the links under the poster above.


Being overly sensitive to criticism or correction are a huge indicator that you may have a problem with your self-worth.  Negative self-thoughts, feelings of lack, feeling blamed, feeling shame, believing that winning is the only form of success, under-achieving and over-achieving, expecting perfection from yourself and others, anger and frustration over the tiniest mistakes, jealousy, lack of confidence, lack of motivation to try, low self-esteem, not trusting others and not being able to commit in relationships are just some of the ways that lack of self-worth manifests itself.

All of those are signs that you have a deep-seeded belief that you are unworthy.

Lack of self-worth starts when we are young and can begin with the smallest of events where we feel rejected.  We place the emotion of rejection and unworthiness on the event even if those involved did not intend us to feel that way and even if it isn’t the truth.  If we felt rejected, then we assigned rejection to the memory.

If we didn’t get the opportunity to acknowledge and heal that feeling at the time, then it was filed in a folder in our memory that we labeled, “Reasons I’m Not Worthy.”

Every time a similar event happened in our life after that, we were not only dealing with the current situation, but with all the unhealed unworthiness emotions that came before.  (And this is why we begin to overreact to tiny problems in our life!)

So, for example, the first time you can recall feeling rejected was in forth grade when a classmate didn’t invite you to their birthday party.  You wondered what you had done wrong to not be invited.  You wondered what was wrong with you.  You wondered why you weren’t worthy of an invitation.  This was a major hit on your self-worth.  

If you weren’t able to talk to someone about your feelings – either because it wasn’t safe to do so, or you feared being mocked, or you didn’t know how to talk about your feelings – then this emotional moment in your life went unhealed.  A new file was created in your memory and you would re-experience this rejection over and over when any kind of situation came up where you felt you were being left out, excluded, rejected, on the outside of the group, or even criticized.  Any time you want to go for a new job or ask someone out on a date or seek a raise – your EGO brain pulls up that file and reminds you, “you really aren’t worthy of that…”

And it will keep coming up forever and ever along with every event since then that caused you to feel unworthy and went right in to that “I’m Unworthy” file in your memory, UNTIL YOU HEAL THEM.

Imagine a person who is raised in an environment where they are told they aren’t wanted, that they are a burden, or that they aren’t unworthy.  Imagine the pain of feeling rejection and unworthiness from people who intend for you to feel that way!  The truth is that so many of us did experience just that kind of rejection.

How do we even begin to let go of that kind of pain and heal those wounds?

The first step in any kind of healing is always to notice and acknowledge that you have this wound.  If you have feelings of unworthiness that come up, stop and really feel that and think about why you are feeling that way.

You probably notice that physical sensations come up in your middle back, stomach and rib cage area when the emotion of unworthiness comes up.  This is your Solar Plexus region of the body located between your naval and breastbone.

The Solar Plexus is where your self-image energy is processed.  It deals with your level of  self-worth and everything that your worthiness affects – your confidence, your motivation, nerves, desire for success, self-esteem, ability to be assertive and all those identity driven energies.


solar plexus info.png(Graphic from my course, CHAKRA POWER, on Teachable)


The unworthiness energy you have stored in your body manifests in your life and blocks this Chakra energy center from allowing clean, positive, empowering energy in to your body.  This prevents you from even being able to accept a compliment comfortably.

You know that’s true!  You know you feel awkward as heck when someone says something nice to you.   Your Ego brain whispers in your head, “nah – I don’t deserve that compliment!”

A great start to begin healing this area of your life is to work on this Chakra using affirmations, crystals and essential oils.  (And Yoga if you like)

Place your hand over the Solar Plexus Chakra area and rotate it in circular clock-wise motion while saying these affirmations:

I am worthy; I am powerful; I am free to be me; I am accepted for me; I am open to feeling worthy; I am open to acceptance; I accept myself; I am assertive; I am motivated. 

Its nice to have some complementary tools to work with any time you are working with emotions.  I always have some go-to crystals and essential oils on hand.

Crystals for the Solar Plexus – citrine, tigers eye, amber. Hold the crystal while you are recalling memories or clearning your Chakra.  Carry one with you when you are having feelings of unworthiness. 

Essential Oils for the Solar Plexus –  Bergamot, lemon, Doterra Cheer Blend, Rosemary.  Diffuse or inhale one of these oils while working with this Chakra or place some on this area of your body.  Use them whenever feelings of rejection or unworthiness come up. 

Mind-Hacking these thoughts is ultimately how you need to get rid of these old emotions for good.  This is done through being mindful – noticing every time these particular feelings come up for you and dealing with them on the spot.

When you feel the emotion of unworthiness come up just stop for a second and get grounded.  

Grounding is the act of being connected to the present moment in time, rather than being “in your head” going over issues from the past or fearing for the future.  You can do this by some of the following ways:

Drink a glass of cold water; walk barefoot and pay attention to the feeling under your feet; take three deep cleansing breaths; go outside and work in the yard or walk in the woods; and it sounds crazy, but, Yes!  Hugging a tree is grounding.

Once you are grounded you can deal with whatever is going on in the present moment without the baggage from the past.  Grounding closed that “Reasons I’m Not Worthy” file and lets you respond to the present moment.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Is it true that I am unworthy?
  • Is this person or situation really mean I am unworthy?
  • Is this feeling true?

Answer Key:  The answer to all of those questions is NO.

And, here is the kicker.  I really want you to get this.  Write this down.  Say it everyday.

You. Are. Worthy.  ALWAYS.


Say it.  Believe it.


And, now that you’ve dealt with the current situation, you can start to look at that file in your mind and all the situations that came before now.

Think of the earliest time you can remember feeling unwanted, unworthy, or rejected. 

Then, ask yourself those three questions from above again.

The answers don’t change.  No. No. No.

You are worthy and you were always worthy and the behavior of other people never determined your worth.  Your worth is determined by YOU and only YOU. 

Go over each memory you can recall.  You know you can recall many of them because they come up in your head each and every time someone rejects you.  Mind Hack those suckers!

Adopt a daily “I am worthy” affirmation that you can tell yourself when any little situation arises.  Say it when you get up.  Say it when you are looking in the mirror.  Say it when any feeling of unworthiness begins to creep in to your thoughts.

And, finally, each time you heal one of these events from the past, take the time to forgive yourself for harboring those feelings. 


It was not your fault that you interpreted or understood an emotion the way you did as a child.  Of course you felt the way you did.  Of course you stored those memories.  Of course you didn’t know how to heal yourself.  You were a child.  You didn’t know better.  And now you do.  You are now taking responsibility as an adult to heal.

And that is a beautiful thing.


Love, Light, and Healing

♥ Genie