Love Is The Cure

When you are standing up high on a pedestal of self-righteousness, it’s really hard to see way down to the roots of that terrible thing you tower over. You know you are right. You know you have the moral high ground. Those other people are so wrong it makes you furious! You are in the position to reign heaps of fire down on those terrible people with those specious beliefs – and you do so quite frequently.

And you feel better after you post with the name calling and the superior wit and the indignation. What a relief it is to let those people know how smart you are and how right you are and how wrong and poisonous is their mere existence. Damn you religious nut jobs! Get a job you socialist libtard! Screw you white nationalists! Read a book you ignorant trailer trash! You’re an orange cheeto loving dotard! Fascist pigs! Go back to your own country! Put god back in schools (my god, not yours)!!!


I’m not saying you’re wrong to have strong feelings about people who support the current president or the atrocious things he is doing. I’m also not saying you are wrong to worry about high taxes and feeding your family. It hasn’t been too long since I typed a few of those sentences on my own Facebook wall. One day I just decided it wasn’t getting me anywhere except angry, spun up, and acting out of integrity. See, I’m a recovering rage-aholic. I’ve worked really hard to change that and become a person with standards of behavior – naming calling and violent expressions are off my list of choices in how to respond to someone. And, yet, I have been sucked back in to this hate-fueled fighting on social media. So have you – even though that hostile, intolerant, hate-spewing person is not really who you are – not “in real life”.

When we react that way we give up our power; we give up our truth and our integrity. We say to the other person, “here, take my soul because I am following your lead.” We act just like them – we become just like them – we are just like them. We are fighting against something we think is wrong by becoming something that is wrong.

The hate is just not okay. It’s not. There is no moral high ground when hate is your strategy.


Hate cannot defeat hate; it’s a losing strategy. We’ve got to take our power back and come up with something that can help us heal the wounds in our friendships and relationships – and it starts with a compassionate heart and desire to be a better person.

Yes, there are sociopaths, psychopaths and really evil narcissists in the world who have no moral compass – no heart. These people are rare and I’m not talking about these kinds mentally disturbed people – I’m talking about your brother and your aunt and your uncle and your childhood friend who you suddenly find loathsome and shocking.

Is it possible – just possible – that these people we go after with venomous rage are also not the hate-spewing trolls they appear to be on social media? Are they different “in real life”? Are they just angry and full of fear just like you? I’m not excusing bad behavior and racism and bigotry and sexism and the vileness going on. I’m saying that all this hate is coming from somewhere and maybe we need to respond to that instead throwing more hate on the fire.

Hate comes from fear. Fear is the root of this dis-ease in our country. Hate-spewing is a symptom just like fever. Rage is a symptom. Irrational beliefs are a symptom. Believing lies and conspiracy theories from mentally ill propagandist is like taking poison from a snake-oil salesman instead of medicine from a doctor. And social media spreads this disease like the flu spreads through your household.

The disease is fear.

Can we cure this with more fear? Can we get rid of a fever by injecting more fever? Of course not! So why are we fighting hate with more hate?

The cure is love.

Why do people roll their eyes when I say that? Why is this such an uncomfortable idea?

Maybe because it means in order to act from love you have to change your beliefs. You have to be responsible for your own behavior. You have to think before you act and respond. You have to know yourself and your moral code.

It’s a heavy burden to love when hate is so much easier.

I’m working on a book to address ways we can #chooselove over hate (fear). It gives a look at love that doesn’t seem mushy or pollyanna – one that is comfortable – doable. It’s coming soon, I promise. In the meantime, here are some things to think about when you come across the hate posts and you want to reply or feel angry and outraged.


How to Love in a time of Hate

1. Self-love is priority. Self-love does not mean self-ish! This is not about thinking you are better than anyone. This is about setting boundaries in your relationships, doing your best each day, and forgiving yourself for your mistakes. This also means not subjecting yourself to this insanity on social media and getting yourself stressed and angry. Take a break.

2. Respond to a hate attack the way you would want someone to communicate with you. Think before you reply. Speak the truth with kindness and compassion even when they don’t deserve it – You deserve it! You deserve the calmness and peace that comes from doing the right things and following your moral code.

3. Refuse petty and childish tactics. I hate to say it, but act your age. No name calling. No character assassinations. No unnecessary vulgar language. Speak with integrity, poise and intelligence.  And when you are wrong, own up to it.

4. Don’t respond to every invitation to debate/fight. Yes, people call us out and say things on our posts or in our groups. You do not have to respond. You can roll your eyes and move on. It’s hard. This I know. But the time and energy you waste adding fuel to the fire of someone already spun up and looking for a place to unleash – it’s not worth it. Love yourself enough to move on.

5. Realize that it is not your job to save other people from their wrong thinking. People are allowed to be wrong. People are allowed to believe whatever they want to believe. It’s not up to you to change them. Likewise, you don’t owe anyone and explanation for your beliefs. This is big. If you can stop trying to change others, you are halfway there.

6. Control what is in your ability to control. That would be you; your behavior, your attitude, your responses, your action, your presence in the world. That’s it. Just you. The great thing about that is that you are able to shine your inner light without care for what others think, feel or believe because they aren’t your business!

7. Know that your behavior is a bigger influence on others than you could ever have in a Facebook debate. Lead by example. It’s that simple. Be the change you want to see in the world.

8. Learn to let go of people around you who break your boundaries and treat you with hate. Eventually enough is enough. It’s okay to walk away from people and situations that don’t change and grow. Sometimes sticking around just enables that person to continue to hate because they can because you stay. If you have to stop inviting uncle Dave to dinner so that you and your family can be at peace, then do so.

9. Remember, it’s just fear.  Fear is not rational.  Fear lies.  Fear is not truth.  Fear wants you to remain in your comfort zone and not change.  Fear will attack others.  Fear is selfish.


 

These ideas are mostly ways just to love yourself enough to stop hating others. It’s a start. The first round of antibiotics to cure this dis-ease. (Yes, we may need several!)

Know that this blog is written in love – to help you find peace in this insanity and to start the change we need to heal.
Peace & Love,

♥ Genie



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Results Matter

My course, Vision Quest – Journey Through Transformation,  launches in 19 days!  I’m so excited!!  I love helping people ~ it’s my purpose without a doubt ♥

But, I’m not reaching people.  Ads are getting likes, but not enrollments.  FB Lives are being watched, but people aren’t clicking the link to the course page.  Numbers are low at this point.  My message is not getting through.

I know this course is life changing!  I know this course will help so many people~ especially women who are having a difficult time going through major life changes!  I’m just not reaching people in a way that gets that message across.

Here is the truth I have to face.  I’m nobody in the industry.  I have not published a book (yet) and I don’t have a huge following.  The fact is that I don’t have a ton of results to show you to prove my course is legit.

Let me share with you what my friends have told me since my transformation.

I hear a lot of times that I am “calming” and have a “calming affect” on some.  And quite often my friends tell me that I am “much lighter in spirit and such a happy person.”

I am the proof that the program works.  I’ve gone from being an angry, lost, passionless old feeling woman who was ready to give up on life~ to a happy, lively, purpose driven, younger feeling woman who is following her dreams!!

But, don’t take my word for it.  Here are some testimonials from a few of my Facebook students:

The chakra lessons have really been incredible. You are putting it into terms that anyone can understand.  ~B. 

 

Miss G. that reading gave me chills!  It was right on point! ~CG

 

Thank you, Genie, for helping me through a really tough time.  I didn’t think I could do it, but you taught me I can get through anything.  ~MB

 

I was first introduced to Genie’s work through her Facebook page. I signed up for her “Intro to Holistic Healing” and loved it. Filled with tons of info, well organized, bringing many parts together in a very cohesive fashion. Genie is a very supportive and easy to follow teacher. She knows her subjects well. Such a great experience! I look forward to her next online learning experience. ~Nancy M.

 

Genie has helped me to realize my full potential and given me the tools to successfully reach my goals. I can now see the importance of living life with intention.   Her courses provide a plethora of information for healing and moving forward in life. She is extremely knowledgeable of her craft and passes on that knowledge in a way that is enjoyable and easy to understand.  ~LM

 

All these woman were the early students of my course ~ or at least portions of my course, here and there, over the past 10 months.  One of them has changed careers to something she loves, another is running her own healing buisiness, and a third has decided it’s time to live her dreams and is taking time to put herself first.   A fourth woman, who went through 4 years of upheaval and anxiety attacks, is now happily settled in her life, working in a career she loves and living a life she is passionate about.

So, I get it.  Results matter.  And because this course is just launching, I don’t have testimonials from the full course.  I can tell you what results you can absolutely expect if you sign up for this journey:

By the end of this course you will achieve self-awareness, a sense of direction, and a change in attitude. You will be unstuck and moving forward with purpose.  You will feel better than maybe you ever have in your life.  You will be living a life you love.  You will be confidently taking the actions needed to live your dream life.  

How does that sound to you?  Well I can tell you that, for me, it feels amazing and free ~ as if a milion pounds of stress, guilt, shame, and anger were released from my body.  Yes!  It feels that good!

No matter what your hurdle is that is stopping you from living your life fully and with joy – we can get you over it!  And, not just over it – but you’ll have the tools to deal with life the next time it throws you a curve ball!

This course, plus my constant presence and support in class and the Facebook group, can get you from where you are to where you want to be.

Give it look ~

Vision Quest, Journey Through Transformation

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Hello Higher Self

Good morning Higher Self!  I am open and ready to listen to anything you want to tell me today.  

I rush around each morning, making my coffee, getting my shower, feeding the cats, cleaning the cat potty…

Don’t we all rush through our mornings?  Getting the kids to school – getting out the door early to beat the traffic.  The Morning Madness, I used to call it when my kids were young.

This morning I took a moment to breathe first.  The cats were cuddling with me (when they are normally running wild chasing each other first thing) and I got a few moments to stay in bed in silence.  And a voice entered my thoughts,

Get in touch with your higher self this morning. 

This is the inspiration for my posts today – just that simple reminder that we have an inner guidance to help us through the day, if we only take the time to listen.  This is a message a lot of us needed to hear this morning ♥♥♥

Thank you HS!

Some ways you can open up to hearing your inner voice/higher self/ intuition today are below.  Politely ask your higher self to advise you. Remember, you can best listen when you have no distractions.  And, don’t forget to honor your higher self with a thank you.

  • Take a few minutes before you get out of bed to just be still.
  • Take a walk or hike.
  • Meditate.
  • Try some of the new adult coloring craze.
  • Sit still with your morning coffee or glass of water.
  • Spend a couple extra minutes in the shower just letting the water wash over you.
  • Spend lunch alone sitting in the park under a tree.
  • Study a beautiful crystal you have on your desk.
  • Write in a gratitude journal.

It’s amazing what inspiration and ideas will pop in to your head when you stop long enough to pay attention!  Check in with your higher self today.

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Goal Planning Course

A couple weeks ago I posted a link to sign up for my 2017 Goal Planning Workbook.  I had a great response to it, but several folks wanted some extra help in creating their plan.  I have launched a mini-course on a new platform to help and support your goal planning.

This is a free course, but to enroll you will need to sign up below.  This will direct you to the Goal Planning Workbook and once your sign up is confirmed I will email you the enrollment and access to the course information.

Just click the image to get started:

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Home Is…

My family moved around a lot when I was a kid – house to house, apartment to apartment – the longest home we had was 8 years and it was a long and unhappy 8 years.

One of my grandmothers lived in the same house until I was about 16.  This was the place I thought of as home.  This is where I spent time with my mom on the rare visit.  This is where my brothers and I were sent for the summer.  This is where we went on Christmas vacation.This is where I learned to love 70s music. This is where I felt welcome and where I spend time with “family”.  I was very attached to this house and the memories.

My grandparents downsized when I was a teen and moved in to an apartment.  They would move several times after that between houses and apartments and none of it felt like home.   About 15 years ago the old house burned down and all that was left behind was the attic room with some of the wall paintings done by uncle and his friends still intact- trippy 60s and 70s style art.  It was heartbreaking.

I also kept on the move in to adulthood, first moving out of my dad’s house in tenth grade to live with my mom.  I moved each year of college.  I moved twice as a single mom.  I moved every few years after I married my Navy husband.  We settle in my mom’s hometown when he retired because she was ill.  We bought a house and have lived in it going on 12 years.  This is the longest I’ve lived anywhere my entire life – and I’ve been itching to move for more than half that time.

My daughter left home in 2010 – my son in 2015.  This just isn’t home anymore.  I never took to this house like I did that old house of my grandparents and my kids have never known a permanent home being military brats.  Home, for us, has always been about our family.  I think the old house burning down was the last thread of attachment I held to a physical place being home. 

2017 might be the year of another move – I’ll keep you posted.

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Family Is

A popular meme that regularly pops up on social media is the quote:

Family isn’t always blood; it’s those who love you unconditionally.

I think it is such a popular quote because most of us can relate.  Most of us have felt rejection and nonacceptance from our blood relatives, and most of us have had friends who feel more like family than blood relatives ever could.

This year I learned that not only is this common, but that it is normal and okay.  It’s okay to form our own families.  It’s okay to walk away from blood relatives who are toxic and unwilling to love you for who you are – rather than who they want you to be.

It’s okay and you are okay and you are not a bad person for wanting away from the drama and hatred and people would rather tear you down than support you and love you.  You aren’t the bad person for walking away and choosing your own self-preservation.

Live your truth, friends.  Lose the guilt and do you.  You’ll never be happy when you are living to meet the approval of others.  You have the right to be who you are and live your own life.  Your family is waiting to love you.

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The Feels

The Holiday Season can be rough even for the best of us.  Some are grieving the loss of a loved one, some don’t get along with their family, some don’t have the money to give the gifts they would like.  I recall a couple Christmases as a single mom with no family dinner, nor gifts for me under the tree.  Christmas isn’t a happy time for a lot of people – and almost all of us are majorly stressed at the very least.

I pulled a card for my Facebook friends today – it’s especially appropriate for the lessons on mindfulness I learned this year:

Thought I’d pull a card for my friends today in celebration of the arrival of winter. 🙌 ⛄  I’m using the deck I will be teaching with in my live class early next year   The deck is Daily Guidance from Your Angels and the card I drew is the “Ground Yourself” card.15590138_10155658470549358_4846821706010786815_n

This is a great message for everyone feeling the stress of the holidays. We are worried about gifts and pleasing others… we have anxiety about upcoming family gatherings… we are stressed about finances…. we are loathing the thought of another trip to the mall and all that chaos.

Grounding means to come down out of the clouds (your head/mind) and plant your feet on the ground (the present moment). Focus on this moment right now. Appreciate what is going on in this moment instead of dwelling on your thoughts. Look at the decorations. Read the holiday wishes sent from your friends and family. Engage in happy conversation with your family or coworkers. Be mindful of this moment before you miss it.

A great way to get grounded is to simply focus on your feet for a few minutes – just check them out… notice they are anchored to the earth.

Another way is to drink a glass of cold water. Notice how it feels going down… do you feel it in your chest? Does it have a taste?

These will help you come back to earth in this moment.

And so it is. 💜

 

Grounding is crucial if we are to live in the moment and process our feelings.  We like to suppress emotions.. shove them to the side… think about something else.  What happens to those feelings then?  They just keep hanging around waiting for you to pay attention to them.

Feel your feelings.  It’s OK if you get angry – feel it, understand it, process it.  Then you can move on. The feeling of anger is natural – it’s when you act out of anger that you get in to trouble.

Cry when you have the need to cry.  Feel the disappointment.  Feel the anxiety.  Feel the frustration.  The holidays, if nothing else, are emotional.

How do you get through it?

1.  Identify the real emotion (sometimes we think we are angry when we are anxious, for example.) Are you hurt? Feeling neglected?  Overwhelmed? Unworthy?

2. Locate where you are feeling this emotion (sadness in your chest, for example.)  What is the sensation you are feeling?  (tingling? tightness? stabbing pain?)

3. Express this emotion using the descriptions from 1 &2.   You can write it down, talk to a friend, go out in to the woods and shout it, head to the gym, have that good cry.

4. Own your feelings.  Understand that these are your feelings and belong to no one but you.  You are responsible for them.  Be careful not to deflect them on to others.  People in pain sometimes hurt others so they will also be in pain.

5. Release the emotion.  Let it go.  Feel it, express it, own it, and let it go.  You can change your thoughts about the emotion –  if you are feeling worthless, affirm that you are worthy.  “I am worthy of love, joy, and happiness…”

You can also do a gratitude exercise to bring yourself out of the emotion.  List all you are grateful for in this moment.  Look around you and see all you have to be grateful right now.

6. Acknowledge & Celebrate your overcoming this emotional event.  Treat yourself.  Spend some time in self-care.  Do something that fills your heart with joy.  This is the most important step of them all because it will create a positive experience to associate with the feeling.  The next time will be easier to overcome.

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Advice Giver

From the time I was in middle school I have always been the advice giver and the secret keeper.  In high school there were girls who never invited me to their homes or parties or to hang out – but if we had downtime in a class, they were telling me their problems and asking me for solutions.  I was even chosen for the first peer mentoring program at my high school, which also happened to be the first program of its kind.

Even in my family and marriage, I am the problem solver.  Something goes wrong, I know how to fix it – or at least put out the fire.   I am the the one answering the phone in the middle of the night to calm someone’s anxiety attack or make someone feel better. I have friends who I only hear from if they need to talk.   It’s what I do – and I’m not complaining.  I am good at keeping secrets.  I am a good listener  I am good at pointing out the positive side.  And, usually, I can offer some advice or hope that things will get better.

If I were to say I have any gifts at all,  being able to emotionally support someone in crisis is it.  Sounds like an easy job, doesn’t it?  “Not much of a talent”, you say?  Well, I’m no hero, that’s for sure.  What I am is an Empath.  I have an abundance of empathy and empathic instinct.

An Empath is a highly sensitive person who naturally absorbs the energy of others. Often problem solvers, empaths are magnets for people having difficulties and because they give off trusting and compassionate energy they are often approached by complete strangers in stores, on the subway or walking down the street .  

And it’s not always easy to be me.  I not only listen to others, but I also absorb their energy – their pain, sadness, and grief.  I feel what they feel.  That is how I am able to understand what they are going through.  I also take on the behaviors that go along with the energy – I cry, I freak out, I get angry.  I don’t do this in front of them because that would just add to their emotional state.  Instead, I save it until I am around others who aren’t in a fragile state and then act crazy – often hurting the ones I love.  Or at least I did until I understood who I am and how I can cut the cords to negative energy.

Something else that happens when you are an advice giver is that when you are asked for your opinion and it isn’t what they want to hear – they are likely to hate you for it.  They will distance themselves from you, they will start lying to you, and they won’t want to include you in the discussion any more.  And it is much worse if you gave the advice without being asked!

I learned this year that unsolicited advice is a no-no.  I also learned that not everyone really wants to hear your opinion – they want you to listen and to agree with them.  You have to decide if the relationship is strong enough, worth honesty or if you should just stay silent.  Unless they are paying you as a client, you don’t always have to be the listener or the advice giver.  You have a right to set boundaries and protect yourself from negative energy.

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